Yesteryear
by CarolynneRuth
Summary: What if Jack never came back in 1977 to drop the H-bomb? Would life continue as normal for Sawyer, Juliet, Jin and Miles? Juliet has just made a rather startling discovery and is too afraid to tell James.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I came across this idea when writing my other fanfic story and I've been wanting to write about James/Juliet/Jin and Miles during Dharmaville times for a while. I'm not sure how many chapters I'll write yet? It depends on how much people get into it. I haven't given up on my other story and will be uploading another chapter of that in the next day or two. Read and enjoy, I hope.

**Chapter 1. Reflection ****- ****1977**

Juliet paced the living room in nervous anticipation. What did she do now? How did she tell him? It could be wrong but she had already used up the whole store's worth of pregnancy tests and they had all come back positive. It wasn't wrong and she was pregnant, whether she liked it or not. And this … she still wasn't sure about? After spending 20 minutes in the shower crying this morning, James banging on the door complaining about her taking so long then complaining even further about the door being locked, she didn't know how she felt? One minute she was wildly happy, the next a crying wreck, feeling panicked, worrying about what James would say and do? She had imagined all possible scenarios.

'_You're what?' He's frowning. 'What the hell? Since when did this happen?' _

_It wasn't going well, he didn't look happy. 'Gee I don't know? How about since all those times you couldn't keep your bloody hands to yourself or other parts of the physical anatomy.' _

_He's still frowning. 'You don't have to be such a smartass about it'._

Juliet run her hands through her hair for the zillionth time, it was now just one fuzzy halo around her head. She glanced at her flushed face in the oval mirror above the fireplace.

'_You need to sit down,' she tells him. James is looking worried. 'You've got bad news,' he says. 'What makes you think that?' she frowns. 'How about the tense expression on ya face, and the worry in your eyes.' _

_Shaking her head, 'No … it's not bad … it's just kind of awkward and I don't know how to tell you …'_

'_Just spit it out.'_

'_I'm pregnant.'_

_He looks stunned for a moment and then a smile crosses his face. 'What!' He laughs, picks her up and swings her around. 'I don't believe it, that's great!'_

Ah Wishful thinking. The whole scenario outcome dreaming was beginning to wear thin. After her shower and yelling at James this morning she'd spent the day aimlessly wandering around the house. Truth is she didn't really know how he'd react. They'd been sharing house and bed, hence her present condition, for the last 18 months but was that long enough to have a baby together? Their relationship had been a kind of natural progression. After her promised two weeks stay on the island the sub that was supposed to return didn't for another three months. Within that time she had begun to feel quite comfortable and close with Jin, James and even Miles. It made no sense to leave. There was nothing for her in 1974. Here she had friends. They acquired jobs in the Dharma Initiative, though James had been perplexed as to why she wanted to work in the Motor Pool and persistently questioned her about it. He questioned her about a lot of things. Initially she had found him annoying and just as equally annoying, all the Dharma girls constantly asking her about him. She had tried pointing out his most obvious flaws to them but it didn't seem to work. James would only have to say '_morning ladies' _and they would all be swooning on their feet. He'd then wink at her and she had to resist the urge to make some smart remark about his cocky attitude. But he never went out with any of the Dharma girls. He was still mooning over Kate for the first six months. And she was still mourning the loss of her freedom. Would she ever see Rachel again? Or her nephew Julian? It didn't look likely. Some nights, when she was alone, she would cry about this but no one else was aware of her pain. She was good at listening to everyone else's tales of woe, but she was never comfortable talking about her own. Then out of the blue, exactly eight months being on the island James and herself were playing cards when he said, 'you never talk about yourself.' She had just shrugged and replied, 'there's nothing really to talk about?' He'd looked kind of exasperated and shook his head. 'Why don't you let me be the judge of that?' She had thought about that for a long while before answering, feeling him watching her, waiting, sensing his frustration. "You know what, forget it," he had muttered throwing the cards on the table. "I get it. I'm just some dumb hick with a dodgy past why would you want to tell me anything?" And with that he'd stormed out of the house. She had stared after him in stunned by his sudden outburst. What had that been all about? She didn't know he could be so touchy and why would he be so interested in hearing her talk about herself?

James spent the next six months going out with one Dharma girl after another. Miles had just resorted to calling him Romeo. Juliet had felt mildly annoyed and couldn't understand it. She had developed a friendship with James, which she enjoyed, but that's all it was. Sometimes she gave him shit and he didn't seem to mind it, he always had a snappy comeback and after time she liked this about him but she wasn't attracted to him. Good looks didn't mean much to her, there had to be something more. However she was a sucker for a gorgeous smile, and unfortunately he had that. He had a quick wit, she liked that too. He took no shit from anyone and she shouldn't like that about him, should she? So why did she? She also liked the way his eyes expressed exactly what he felt. It hadn't taken her long to realise he was no dumb hick and that he was in fact quite intelligent; a lot more than he let on. She also hadn't accounted for the warmth in his personality beneath the tough exterior he presented to everyone else. There was more to him. She remembered the night he found her crying. He hadn't asked questions, pulling her into his arms, he had held her, stroked her hair and she had felt incredibly comforted. And that is when it hit her. She was falling in love with him and she didn't want to because love always turned out so badly for her. For the next three months she had begun to put a healthy distance between herself and James. She'd come up with some excuse as to why she couldn't play poker Saturday nights, have drinks after work on a Friday or attend any social functions. James seemed oblivious to this, he was currently going out with Thelma or was that Anne. She couldn't keep up with it. And it bothered her; a lot.

******* Flashback *******

"So who's the latest harem addition now?" she waspishly remarked to him after having run out of excuses to get out of the monopoly night.

"Why? You feeling left out Blondie?" he returned, raising an eyebrow as he moved the car four spaces on the board.

She hated being called Blondie. He knew that, which is why he kept calling her it.

"You know I can think of better things to do with my time."

"Course you can, read Carrie again for the thousandth time that must be riveting for ya."

His gaze clashed with hers. It was heating up. Jin and Miles glanced at each other as if to say, 'here they go again'

Juliet gritted her teeth. She was not going to let him get to her. She threw the dice on to the monopoly board. Just her luck to end up in prison.

James grinned, annoyingly. "That should keep ya out of trouble for a while. Plenty of time for reading Carrie, yet again."

"Well not everyone is into bonking the Dharma inhabitants."

Miles choked on a nut. Jin thumped him on the back. James just smiled, but she could see he was getting annoyed.

"You jealous?"

She just laughed. "Now you're being absurd."

Their eyes met and clashed again.

"I'm beginning to think maybe you need to get laid," James stated.

Juliet just smiled. "Maybe you're right." She turned to Miles, leant forward and kissed him full on the lips. "You free now Miles?"

Miles was rendered speechless. James didn't look happy. Jin pretended to be fascinated by a fly buzzing around the light bulb.

"What is you're problem Juliet?" James stated angrily, getting to his feet.

"I don't have a problem," she returned, glaring at him.

"Yeah you do."

"Such as?" she enquired standing up, facing him.

"The list is getting pretty long, you sure ya up to hearing it all?"

"I'm surprise you had time to compile one when you spend so much time flat on your back."

His eyes widened. That was low even for her and she bit down on her lip.

Meanwhile Miles and Jin crept out the front door, leaving James and Juliet to it.

"I hope they get unstubborn soon," Jin complained.

"You mean you hope they get past their damn stubbornness and realise that they are both crazy about each other?"

Jin nodded.

"Not me," Miles continued with a smug smile, remembering Juliet's kiss, "I'm enjoying this whole jealous bickering thing going on between them and the expression on LaFleur's face was priceless."

The smile of Miles face widened and Jin chuckled. "You're a bad man Miles."

"I'm practical," he sniffed, "unlike LaFleur in there," Miles continued gesturing to the front door, "I'd just tell her how I felt."

James stood, hands on hips, looking at Juliet with much exasperation.

"Why are you so uptight lately? You're always making excuses to get out of socialising with us or it just me?' he muttered running a hand through his hair, and she thought she detected hurt in his eyes, "because if you can't stand being around me, just tell me and I'll stay out of ya hair."

That really was the last thing she wanted. She shook her head, feeling bad. "No it's not …"

"Then what is it?"

He was standing too close and she couldn't think straight.

"I-I don't know …" she stammered and looked up at him confused. _I'm falling in love with you and I can't stop it._ This was insane. His eyes reflected the same uncertainty she was feeling.

"Ah shit Juliet," he muttered before capturing her chin with his hand and lowering his mouth to hers.

Initially she was startled, but he never gave her the chance to pull away and she didn't want to. Three months of frustration and longing and now she could barely contain herself. She deepened the kiss. He moaned, his hands circling her waist pulling her closer, her fingers getting tangled in his hair in her desire to get as close as possible to him. His hands moved up her back, her hands slipped down to stroke the back of his neck.

"Jeez Juliet, why the hell did we waste so much time," he murmured in her hair, planting kisses down the side of her neck, which drove her crazy. "I've been wanting to do this for so long."

She pulled back and gazed up at him surprised. _For so long. _How long?

"B-But you've been going out with all those girls …"

"Yeah," he replied somewhat sheepishly, "I've been trying to make you jealous," he admitted, "it's only taken six months."

"Why didn't you just tell me," she frowned.

"I didn't know what you felt towards me," he sighed, caressing her cheek with his thumb, a warm smile crossing his face, "you're a hard woman to read … you want me right?"

Did she ever! She could feel any self control slipping right away but in her experience men use and then they abuse. But this was James. He was different. He comforted her when she was sad. He made her laugh.

"You're incredibly beautiful when you're mad," he confessed.

She could feel her cheeks redden.

"What's this," he began grinning, "you blushing … now I've seen it all."

"Shut up James," she muttered burying her face in his chest.

He ran a hand through the length of her hair.

"I like making ya mad just to see the fire in your eyes, but Juliet … that tongue of yours at times can tear strips of any hide."

"So can yours."

"Guess we have some things in common," he chuckled.

He began kissing the back of her neck sending her wild again. The man just didn't play fair.

"I'm not nearly anywhere good enough for you …" he began.

She pressed a finger against his lips.

"You don't know just how perfect you are for me."

***********

For the next couple of months she had not known how to deal with this whole new found relationship with James because if she had to be honest her feelings towards him ran far deeper than they had for any man and that frightened her. James knew this. He didn't rush things and she began to open up and talk about herself to him. They shared everything, all their lived experiences and deepest fears and she came to know him in such a deep and meaningful way. And that was something she hadn't had with another person; ever.

Juliet was sitting on the edge of bench, staring into space, lost in her own thoughts when James clicked his fingers in front of her face.

"Hey dreamy Jeanie."

She looked up at him, not even realising he was there.

"What happened to your hair, did ya put your finger in an electric socket or something?" he joked.

She wasn't in the mood for his teasing and glared at him.

"You still in that shitty mood from this morning," he frowned. "You on your rags …"

She laughed at the irony of it. That's something she wouldn't have to worry about for the next nine months. He was confused. She could see it in his eyes. She suddenly felt incredibly tender towards him. Bringing both her hands up to his face, she drew his mouth down to hers. James fingers sank into her hair. She was aware of nothing but the feel of his lips softening against hers, the groan deep in his chest when her tongue touched his, and the heady feel of his hands sliding down her back.

"If you keep kissing me like that," he murmured in a husky voice, "we won't be making Horace's birthday party."

She pulled back reluctantly seeing the passion smouldering in his eyes. The last 18 months had been so wonderful and now she was afraid of screwing it up. His gaze lingered on her mouth and it seemed to take great effort for him to avert his gaze to something else.

"I got a nice bottle of Shiraz for tonight," he continued holding up a brown paper bag, "before the party, just to share you and me." He pulled the bottle of Shiraz out of a brown paper bag, "and it wasn't easy to get, let me tell ya, not with it being Horace's big 45th birthday bash."

Juliet's eyes fell on the bottle of Shiraz and the pregnancy thing hit her again. She can't drink! She looked up to find James watching her, a puzzled look crossing his face.

"You've been acting weird these last two days Jules," he began catching a strand of her hair in his fingers. "Now you're looking as worried as hell," he continued.

She swallowed, nervously. Just say it Juliet. He is going to have to know at some stage. Might as well get it over and done with, quit prolonging the agony. She looked directly into his eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

Confusion crossed his face. There was a stretch of silence. "Did you just say what I thought you said?"

Biting down on her lip, she nodded. He looked shell shocked. Tears threatened. Fighting for control she got down from the bench and turned away from him. The tears came anyway. "I've been trying to get my head around it for the last two days," she murmured through the tears, "how did this happen? Why is this happening …" her voice broke off there. She felt James place his hands on her shoulders.

"Then I'm happy, but I'm also afraid," she got out in choked sob. James turned her around so that she was facing him. He put a finger under her chin and she had no option but to look at him. She saw the warmth in his eyes as he gently brushed a tear away with his thumb.

"Is t-this a bad thing for us James?" she hesitantly asked, "having a baby?"

He shook his head, "Course not," he said, "take some getting use to but definitely not a bad thing."

She smiled. He smiled in return.

"Mind you I don't know what kind of father I'd make but I know you'll be perfect."

"So will you."

He pulled her into the warm circle of his arms, kissing the top of her head. She sagged against him with relief. It was going to be okay.

**A/N: Please let me know what you think and if you would like me to continue with this story? ****If there is something you would like to see happen in this story for any of the characters I'm open to suggestion and will try my best to oblige. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you for all the great reviews! They certainly made my day in what was a bad week, work wise. I've tried to fulfil as many requests as I could this chapter. Enjoy.

**Chapter 2. A Proposal **

The first thing James did when they arrived at Horace's 45th shindig was grab a beer. He needed it badly and was still trying to come to terms with the news Juliet had given him an hour ago. She was going to have a baby, well they were and that thought silently terrified him. Not so much Juliet having a baby but more the thought of him being a father. Hell it's not like he had a great role model of a father right. In light of what had happened to him as a kid fatherhood was the last thing he'd ever considered, but then neither had he planned on falling in love and settling down with a woman, but here he was.

"What's with you tonight?" Miles asked.

James turned and looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"You've been staring at Juliet the whole time here," Miles observed, "and I must admit she's looking particularly hot in that low cut strappy hula neck top."

James frowned. His thoughts had been so taken up with the pregnancy news he hadn't noticed the top. "You wanna stop ogling her," he growled.

"I can still look, it's not as if you're married."

Married. He should marry her! Would she marry him? Her experiences hadn't been all that crash hot in the marriage department. She had told him about her ex-husband. What was the jerks name again? Something pompous like Edmund. She had initially told him, in her cool flippant way as if it was just a regular everyday screw up you're life type of experience. No big deal. But the closer they got the more she had discussed Edmund with him and the angrier he'd feel. Why'd you let him treat you like? It was complex, she'd reply.

_**Flashback **_

Juliet must have been feeling guilty about his little outburst the other day when he'd thrown the cards down on the table and stormed off. _'I get it. I'm just some dumb hick with a dodgy past why would you want to tell me anything'._ Truth was he had started finding himself curiously attracted to her which was odd, because she wasn't even his type, but then he wasn't even sure if he had a type? Kate was his type. So he'd thought. For months he just couldn't get the thought of Kate out of his head. What had he done? Why the hell did he jump off the chopper? In part it was the heroic thing to do or was it because part of him was afraid of getting into a relationship with her or was it that part of him was convinced she'd always pick the doc over him. Was she still alive? Or was Locke just yanking his chain? Where the hell was Locke? Why hadn't he come back? Would he bring Kate back? He just couldn't ever see her coming back. Hell he wasn't even sure what her feelings for him were? He'd not felt sure about anything with her. Then one day he woke up and suddenly Kate wasn't on his mind so much anymore. Life was kind of good in Dharmaville. He was just a regular person who worked in security. He didn't have to con anymore. He shared a house with Jin and Miles, and Daniel till he left for Ann Harbour. They all got along, even if Miles was a pain in the ass at times. They discovered they all liked playing board games. So did Juliet. She lived just next door with a couple of Dharma girls. He was secretly glad when the sub hadn't returned for four months. They should all stick together now that they were stranded in 1974. He liked Juliet's company, though he wouldn't have admitted it to anyone. He had three words to describe her; cool, calm and collected, but he liked it when she got flustered. Sometimes he'd purposely go out of his way to annoy her just to get a reaction but after a while he gave up. She was just too damn switched on to fool or annoy and he begrudgingly admired her for it.

She listened when he talked and she didn't judge. He liked that about her. That's why he liked playing cards with her. He would talk; she would listen but never discuss herself which only served to make him even more curious about her. As his interest in her began to grow, so did his attraction, but he had no idea what she felt towards him. He only knew what he felt and it was new to him, in a way, which left him feeling unsettled. He had even made a point of brushing his hair and teeth, spraying deodorant under his arms, using Miles men's cologne before seeing her. Did she notice? She didn't seem to. He'd even had his hair trimmed this morning. Would she notice that? He doubted it. Thing is she didn't seem to look at him any differently unlike a number of the female population in Dharmaville. Good looks and charm didn't seem to impress her but that was about all he had going for him. So he was screwed.

They sat in his living room, playing two handed patience and he was thinking about her. Trying to find her motives for coming to his house and asking to play cards with him; it's because she's nice and that's what nice people do and because he'd spat the dummy the other day and she felt sorry for him. She was currently dealing out the cards. Her hair was tied back in a high pony tail that fell down over her shoulders. She looked at him and smiled. "You can start," she spoke.

He picked up the cards and looked at them. There weren't a lot of options from what he could see. After about ten minutes of playing cards, with him doing most of the talking, she suddenly blurted out.

"I was married once."

The cards nearly fell out of his hand. He hadn't expected that.

"You might want to close your mouth before you catch flies," she replied with a wry smile.

James tried to compose himself. Okay so she was once married, so what.

"What happened?" he asked nonchantly, putting a five of hearts over a black six of spades.

"He was having an affair," Juliet replied placing a four of diamonds down onto the pack.

James glanced at her over the top of the cards. She looked so perfectly composed.

"He had several affairs actually and I figured he wasn't going to change so I filed for divorce."

"What an asshole," he muttered. He could and felt like using a lot more colourful adjectives.

Juliet nodded in agreement. "He was."

"What'd you see in him?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment and he detected a hint of sadness in her eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd seen it and he would wonder about it, wonder what put it there?

"I guess I was just flattered that this hotshot doctor was interested in me, but it turns out that it was only my research he was interested in."

Did he detect a hint of bitterness in her voice? He looked at her. Their gazes connected and for a few moments they just watched each other. How many other skeletons did she have in the closet? It then dawned on him that he really knew very little about her.

"Nice haircut by the way," she continued, glancing at his hair, her smile spreading across her lovely face. She had such a pretty smile. He could feel himself blush and what the hell was with that? He never blushed.

**************

"Hey LaFleur!" Miles said loudly beside him. "I'm talking to you here."

"What?" he frowned, wishing Miles would piss off and leave him alone with his thoughts.

"Did you ask Juliet about Anne?" Miles asked.

"Huh?"

Miles looked at him exasperated.

"Don't worry I'll sort out my own love life," he muttered, giving a dismissive wave with his hand, "thanks for nothing."

James watched Miles storm off. _'I've got problems of my own ya know,'_ he felt like yelling after him, _'like Juliet's pregnant.'_

But Juliet didn't want to tell anyone about it just yet and he was fine with that. He needed time to get his head around the fact that he was going to be a father. He ran a hand through his hair. What if he was like his old man? How fit was he to be a father? He glanced over at Juliet to find her watching him. They shared a secret smile. The sooner they made their escape the better but Horace had just cornered him and was now ranting on about upgrading security out at the new swan station. The drilling there was intensifying. Radinsky was like a man possessed at the moment. _What else was new?_ He was only half listening to what Horace had to say. All he could think about was tracking down Jin and asking him about how he'd proposed to Sun.

* * *

Three hours later he was in bed with Juliet and they were finally alone. She was lying in his arms. He was playing with the ends of her hair.

"What are you thinking?" she asked sounding a little anxious.

"Us … the baby," he replied, "whether or not I'll be a good father …"

Juliet sat up and looked at him.

"You'll be great, I know you will."

He saw the truth in her eyes, but he still wasn't convinced.

"My father shot my mother," he stated, feeling the need to point out this shocking fact, even though she knew everything about him.

Her eyes softened. "Do you think you are like your father?"

James shrugged. "I don't know, I was only 8, I don't remember much."

"What do you remember of him?"

"He was always busy," he murmured, "never home that much really. It was always work with him. He made it clear that my mother be the accommodating housewife. He'd bring business people home for dinner, she'd wait on them and I had to stay out of the way," James continued, hating remembering anything from his childhood. "He was always the big man." He couldn't contain the bitterness in his voice. Not when he remembered his mothers tears and her unhappiness.

Juliet took hold of his hand and squeezed it lightly. His eyes met hers. Why did it still hurt?

"My mother was kind though, always trying to make amends for him, she loved me." It cost him a lot to say that, because even though he was 39, those feelings of protecting her at 8 were still strong and real but she had died protecting him and that was something he'd never really got over. Juliet reached over, brushing his hair back from his forehead, her eyes reflecting the compassion she felt.

"I know you James and I know you'd never hurt me. So maybe you're father didn't know how to love but you do."

Bringing his hand up to her mouth she lightly kissed his fingers. "You obviously take after your mother."

He felt touched and soothed by her words. He hadn't thought of that. She was still stroking his hair.

"If we have a girl can we call her Mary?"

* * *

James peered at the books lining the shelfs, his glasses planted firmly on his nose, till he came across a book on pregnancy. Reaching out he pulled if off the shelf and began reading the front cover. Did he get it for her? You idiot, she's a fertility doctor, she probably knows everything already. Yeah but he knew nothing.

"What are you reading?" Miles spoke alongside him.

He nearly hit the roof with fright and glared at Miles. Miles unperturbed was already looking at the cover before James had the chance to hide it.

"What to expect when you're expecting," Miles read out loud and James could feel his face redden. Miles looked at him, frowned for a moment before it dawned on him. "Juliet's pregnant!" he exclaimed, loud enough for old Stella to hear. The whole village would know by sunset now.

"You wanna say it any louder."

Miles just grinned.

"You tell anyone and I'll kill ya," he threatened glancing in Stella's direction. The old biddy had heard everything. He could tell by the expression on her face.

"No need to get your boxers in a knot," Miles said, "let's go celebrate, we'll have a couple of beers and go find Jin." He couldn't say no to that but Juliet wasn't going to be happy. Typical Miles and his big mouth.

"Are you going to get that book?"

James looked down at the book in his hand. Might as well now that the whole damn village was going to know.

"I guess," he muttered walking over to the counter and putting it down there for Stella to see.

"You want me to gift wrap that for you?" she smiled, her eyes twinkling.

"Alright," he grumbled.

* * *

James and Miles found Jin down in the monitor room. Miles had grabbed a six pack of beer from the store. Jin was over the moon about the news, patted him on the back and lit up a cigar. Half an hour later, Miles went out to get another six pack of beer.

James and Jin were sitting back on the leather chairs in front of the TV screens.

"I should marry her," James spoke, thoughtfully, "shouldn't I."

He glanced at Jin.

Jin nodded. "Of course, the proper thing to do, don't want her to feel ashamed."

James couldn't see Juliet feeling ashamed but he knew in Jin's culture it was an important thing.

"It's small village people talk," Jin continued.

James didn't need Jin to tell him that. He'd picked up quite a reputation as a ladies man when he was going out with a number of different Dharma girls.

_**Flashback **_

Five months later and he was onto girl number seven. Laura was her name. Young, pretty, giggled way too much and spent at least an hour on her appearance just to go for a walk with him. He picked her because she shared a house with Juliet. And up until now Juliet had seemed completely unphased by all of his different girlfriends, if anything she seemed to find it amusing. They still continued to play cards ever couple of days. He was about to give up on the whole trying to make her jealous thing. It didn't appear to be working.

Juliet looked frazzled this particular day. Her cheeks were flushed. He pointed out the spot of grease on her face. She rubbed it off with her sleeve and asked for a scotch on the rocks.

"It's only two in the afternoon …" he began.

She just glared daggers at him.

"Okay," he continued raising a hand in surrender. "I get you're pissed off about something and need a drink."

He poured a generous amount of scotch into a glass. She was watching him, or more like glaring and he frowned at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, putting iceblocks in the glass and handing it to her.

She took the glass from him. "She's a bit young for you don't you think?"

"Who Laura?"

"Of course Laura," she snapped sipping the scotch.

James reached into the fridge and grabbed a beer. He had the feeling he was going to need one.

"She's only 25 and you must be pushing 40 …"

"37," he corrected.

"You look 40."

Yep, she was definitely pissed off with him. He opened the can.

"Did you have to pick someone I share house with?" she continued, her eyes narrowing.

In hindsight it was probably a bad idea.

"All I hear about is how wonderful you are."

"And what's wrong with that," he smirked glancing at her.

She wasn't smiling.

"Sure nothing as long as I don'tidn't mind being called a jealous old hag!"

James was shocked for a moment. She took a longer sip of the scotch and glared back at him.

"Now I've had to find somewhere else to live …"

"Whoa hold up, why did she call ya a jealous old hag?"

Juliet bit down on her lip. "Because I told her, and this is only pointing out the obvious, that she would just be another notch on you're belt and you went through women like flour through a sieve."

"Nice analogy," he added dryly.

"Come on James, how long is this one going to last?"

He took a swig of his beer, feeling uncomfortable.

"Are all these girls part of a rebound from Kate?"

He nearly choked on the beer. They had been here 15 months. He was over Kate. And what the hell did he say? I haven't found one I really like yet because of you. Not only that but her opinion of him mattered and at the moment that opinion looked pretty low. And it bothered him.

"When are you going to get it out of your system?"

Her eyes were questioning.

"You know those girls do have feelings?"

She had an uncanny knack of making him feel bad.

"Just because you're going through some mid life crisis …"

"I'm not," he protested.

"Then what are you doing?"

He just shrugged and couldn't bring himself to look at her. "I dunno."

She sighed, sculled the rest of the contents on her scotch and put the glass on the bench. "I'm not in the mood for cards today," she said giving him a quick glance. "I'll let myself out."

He spent the rest of week feeling depressed. Drank far too much beer, smoked too many cigarettes and ate a lot of crap food. Miles just shook his head in disgust.

"What? Dating a drop dead gorgeous blonde isn't enough for you?"

The only blonde he wanted though was totally uninterested in him and if anything saw him as nothing more than some lowlife womaniser who was only after one thing. He'd avoided Laura all week. Felt even worse about Juliet having to move to another house. What the hell had he been thinking? But what was really hilarious is that he'd only ever slept with two of the seven girls he'd seen over that five month period and that was the first two and one time he'd been really drunk; so much for the so called notches on his belt.

* * *

James returned his attention to Jin

"What if she says no?"

Jin just shook his head. "She loves you."

He still wasn't reassured. Jin didn't know about her hell of a marriage to ol' creep head.

Jin proceeded to talk about exactly how he had proposed to Sun before Miles returned with another six pack of beer. They were all happily cruisy by the time they finally stumbled out of the monitor room.

"Monopoly tonight, 7.00pm at our house, don't forget," he called out after Jin and Miles.

* * *

Juliet looked at all three suspiciously. Miles and Jin were acting strange and she hadn't missed the exchange of looks between them. She directed her attention towards James. He pretended to be totally absorbed with counting how much money he had.

"You told them," she stated.

His face reddened slightly. He glanced at her.

"You can't even keep a secret from them for a day!"

"Hey but we are like family Juliet," Miles protested. "Anyway it wasn't even LaFleur's fault. I happened to catch him reading this book all about pregnancy and put two and two together," he grinned. "Then we found Jin and had some celebratory drinks."

"Any excuse to have a drink right," Juliet said lightly, "least you guys can have one."

Jin leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Congratulations."

A smile curved her lips.

"Yeah and I think if you've got to go nine months without a drink then so should James," Miles added. James glared at him. "After all he is half responsible."

"Shut up Miles," James snapped. "You go nine months without a drink."

******

James waved goodbye to Miles and Jin before closing the front door. Juliet was clearing the table. She handed him the monopoly game. "You're not really made are ya?"

Shaking her head she smiled. "No."

He put the game in the cupboard.

"But what was with Jin winking at you?"

He turned to look at her. She never missed a thing. Figuring that there was never a right time for marriage proposals he decided to just bite the bullet.

"I was asking how he proposed to Sun," he admitted.

Juliet froze in the middle of wiping down the table.

"Why?" she asked slowly, straightening up, her questioning gaze meeting his.

His mouth suddenly felt dry. "I was thinking about it," he returned, nerves getting the better of him. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh."

She looked surprised.

"So what do you think?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that a proposal?"

"I know," he sighed, "I suck at this."

"You want to get married?"

"I'm asking."

She blinked. "Because I'm pregnant? T-That's so old fashioned, I never took you for being like that?" A slow smile crossed her face and she shook her head. "It's kind of sweet though."

"Is that a yes or no?"

He noted the thoughtful look on her face. Stuff this. Crossing the floor, he stopped when they stood face to face. She glanced up at him, looking kind up vulnerable. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Would we be discussing this if I weren't pregnant?"

He didn't know how to answer that, shook his head and figured changing tack was better.

"Yeah well Jin said I needed to make an honest woman of ya," he grinned grabbing her hand in his.

Juliet looked startled by this before a smile spread across her face and she started laughing.

"C'mon Jules what could it hurt?" he continued, raising a hand, caressing her smooth cheek. He could see her resolve weakening. "I love you. You love me, even when I'm an ass."

"I'm stubborn," she stated.

"No shit, hadn't noticed," he murmured with a smile, bringing his other hand up to her face, running his thumb gently across her bottom lip.

"You think your charm is going to work?" she asked in a husky voice.

"You know you can't resist me," he grinned lowering his mouth to hers, his hand catching in her hair as his tongue teased and coaxed and he felt smugly satisfied when he heard the low moan in her throat.

"I hate you," she mumbled as he pushed her hair back and began kissing the side of her neck.

"Is that a yes?" he asked, his breath tickling her ear.

"Alright …" she sighed. "That's a yes."

He smiled down at her. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?"

Her cheeks were flushed and she'd never looked more adorable. Taking the cloth out of her hand he threw it on the table. "We should consummate that decision," he continued, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom. Juliet didn't protest.

**A/N: That chapter went longer than I had thought it would. I still hope you enjoyed it, even though it had some more serious moments. I tried to inject some humour when and where I could. It was lots of fun to write. Let me know what you thought of it and anything you would like to see happen. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Okay so this chapter is just one long flashback. Sorry about that but I got kind of stuck in the flashback and went with the flow. lol. Hope you enjoy it.

**Chapter 3.**

Miles ran a hand over his hair. He could swear it was getting thinner. That's what sucked about getting older. He was 30 now and still didn't have a woman. Well he did have one, Tracy, but that had fallen through. It didn't help when he'd spent the last three months seeing himself as a baby. That had freaked him out. Seeing his mother's growing belly, knowing it was him inside there, was even freakier. It made him nervous and twitchy. As a result he hadn't been paying Tracy enough attention, least that's what she had told him. Now he wasn't at all sure how to give her the attention she wanted. He had talked to Juliet about it and asked if James gave her the attention she wanted. She had just smiled looking all dreamy and he'd sighed. Wrong person to ask, James was all over her like the proverbial rash, it was even sickening at times but it hadn't always been that way. Back when they were too stubborn to admit they liked each other, it had been highly amusing and somewhat frustrating watching them pussy foot around each other. And at times even pathetic.

***Flashback***

James buried himself in work, doing extra shifts to keep his mind occupied. This, Miles had found really odd, because even though James worked hard and was efficient when he was at work, he also liked his leisure time. James' favourite past time was sitting on the couch reading and he could be particularly good at doing nothing when it suited him. The lazy bastard.

"What's with the extra shifts?" he'd asked him this morning.

James had just shrugged.

"Because it's not like you need the extra money," he'd joked. It was weird working without money.

James didn't seem to hear him. The guy had been miserable the past two weeks and no fun at all.

It was currently seven in the evening and James was reading as usual and drinking beer. Miles wasn't a reader. God he missed television and the internet. It was so boring here, even worse now with James being a misery guts. And Jin spent two hours a night at the gym. He said it helped him deal living without Sun; a healthy way to deal with things than James' way of drinking a six pack every night. Was he still mooning over Laura? Hadn't he broken things off with her?

"I didn't think you were really into Laura …" he began.

"I'm not," James snapped.

"So what's with you at the moment?"

"Nothing."

This was pointless and the guy was starting to piss him off.

"Because basically all you've done is work, sleep, read, drink beer and eat."

James grunted in reply.

"And Juliet keeps coming up with excuses as to why she can't come over," Miles continued, "I think she's avoiding us, but I don't know why?"

James lowered his book for a moment and looked at him. Miles noticed the frown crossing his forehead.

"Have you two had some kind of argument?" he asked shrewdly.

"We exchanged words," James replied slowly.

"In other words she's pissed off with you."

"Yes," he muttered, his expression guarded.

Miles looked at him thoughtfully for a minute before shaking his head a slow smile crossing his face. "Of course," he murmured, "why didn't I see it before."

"See what?" James enquired.

"You and Juliet."

James' frown intensified. "What do you mean?"

"That explains your misery," Miles talked, "you're not mooning over Laura, you're mooning over Juliet."

The expression on James' face said it all.

"Yeah I always thought you had a thing for her," he continued.

James brought the can of beer up to his mouth. "I don't know what you're talking about," he muttered before taking a swig.

"You should just tell her how you feel."

James returned his attention to the book in his hand. "I don't feel anything for her."

********

Juliet was trying to de-grease her hands. She glanced down at her chipped nails. That was the worst thing about this job; what it did to her hands. She watched, warily, as Miles approached. He looked bothered about something.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's LaFleur," he replied, "he's been a miserable grouch for the last two weeks."

"Has he?" she said, nonchalantly.

"You know he feels bad about you having to move out and all."

He had a funny way of showing it. She had barely seen him since there little exchange of words 15 days ago, not that she was counting the days.

"You know he's not going out with Laura?"

"No surprises there," she remarked, having already heard this news ten days ago.

Miles frowned and sighed muttering something about women being blind.

"You at least need to come to monopoly night tonight," he persisted, "it's not the same without you."

"Okay," she sighed.

What could it hurt? Except for her sudden feelings towards James. Since when and how did he suddenly become so important to her? She wished desperately that he hadn't. Of course she was jealous and annoyed that he was going out with Laura. Watching him kiss her at the front door had suddenly woken the green eyed monster and she hadn't hesitated in running him down to Laura, making the girl defensive. Then she had lashed out at him, refused to play cards and had avoided him since. She felt miserable and confused. His friendship mattered a lot and she didn't want to lose it. Tonight she would be nice to him again, gaze into his warm beautiful eyes, resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair and be just friends.

*******

Miles grabbed a can of beer from the fridge hearing the front door open.

"You better not have drunk all the beers Miles," James called out from the doorway.

Miles grabbed another can of beer and handed it to James as he entered the kitchen looking his usual un-cherry self.

"Have you talked to her yet?" Miles asked.

James flipped the tab on the can. "Who?"

"Juliet."

James glared at him. "No."

"Can't you make it up? Say sorry?"

James shook his head. "It's not that easy …" he began.

"Well you'll get your chance tonight," Miles stated.

James looked at him warily.

"I talked Juliet into coming to play monopoly," he continued with a smile.

James looked shocked for a moment. Miles patted him on the back. "Now's your chance to impress her and win her back."

"What's to say I want to impress her," James pointed out.

"You won't with that attitude and not looking like you currently do," he quipped, "you look like a slob, when did you last shave? And what's with the hippy hair? You need a fucking haircut or at least comb it and put some decent clothes on for a change."

James was glaring at him by this stage, but he knew him well enough by now to know he'd do exactly as he'd suggested. "Jeez man and you're supposed to be the village hunk."

*******

Miles seriously pissed him off at times. How did he manage to convince Juliet to come tonight? Drying himself with a towel he caught his reflection in the mirror. Miles was far too astute at times, the bastard. He ran a hand over his chin. He had only shaved once in the last two weeks, why start now? But he picked up the shaver anyway.

After Miles had told him that Juliet was coming tonight a nervous anticipation took hold of him. It sucked too, feeling this way. He put on the nicest shirt that he could find in his wardrobe, but then taking it off when he'd decided it was too obvious; he was trying too hard. After going through half a dozen tops he settled for a blue t-shirt and feeling totally disgruntled.

Miles had made pizza and was just taking it out of the oven when James walked in.

"Isn't there anything healthier to eat for a change," he remarked grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water.

"It hasn't bothered you before now," Miles returned.

The doorbell rang and he answered it. Juliet stood there, a packet of chips in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, a smile on her face. That smiled faltered a little when she saw him.

"Hi," he murmured.

"Hi James," she replied, hesitantly as if remembering there last exchange of words. _You go through women like flour through a sieve._ Now he felt awkward.

"You're looking nice," he said, managing to make his voice work.

He leant over to take the bottle of wine from her, his fingers brushing hers lightly as she relinquished her hold on it.

"Thankyou," she replied.

"Come inside," he continued placing his hand on the small part of her back to usher her in. He was so close. She could feel the heat radiating from him and caught a whiff of the spicy underarm deodorant he wore. Stop swooning like a school girl, she chided. Their gazes connected and for a few moments they just stared at each other.

"I'm sorry about you having to move out …" he began.

"It's okay, forget it, I kind of prefer the person I'm sharing house with now," she replied, "they spend a lot less time in the bathroom," she continued with a smile.

He smiled in return. "Then I'm forgiven?"

How could she say no to him when he looked at her with those warm eyes and the uncertain smile?

"I guess," she sighed.

*****

There was the usual bantering but James was somewhat more subdued than normal and this perplexed Juliet. What was going on with him? He'd been going out with one girl after another but then for the last two weeks he'd been a social recluse and he looked unhappy. It wouldn't have to do with what she had said to him would it? She dismissed that idea from her mind. So why was he suddenly so unhappy? Was he still missing Kate? He hadn't really answered that when she's asked him or maybe he was going through some mid life crisis but he was a bit young for that wasn't he? The blue t-shirt he wore looked really good on him. It matched his eyes and she was finding it harder and harder not to look into those eyes.

James looked up to find Juliet looking at him yet again and he didn't miss the concern in her eyes. _When are you going to get it out of your system? Just because you're going through some mid life crisis ..._ Is that what she really thought? I'm not going through any damn mid life crisis he felt like saying. You don't gotta feel sorry for me. Somehow he disliked the thought of her feeling sorry for him even more than thinking him a lowlife. Maybe he needed to become a jerk again but one look into her pretty clear eyes and any thought of being a jerk fled his brain. Nah, he'd just have to suffer in silence.

*******

Miles shook his head. How blind were these two? After Juliet had left, he rounded on James.

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" He felt like he was repeating himself a lot here.

"Who?" James frowned.

Miles smacked his forehead with his hand. "Juliet of course you idiot, what you think I'm blind, even Jin knows."

Miles looked around for Jin, but he'd disappeared which was typical.

"You think she likes me?" James asked looking doubtful.

"She keeps looking at you …"

"That's because she feels sorry for me."

Miles gave him an incredulous look. "Okay, you know what, this is just too hard," he muttered with a wave of his hand. "If you don't have the balls to tell her how you feel then you're a wuss."

James straightened to his full 6'2 height but Miles wasn't intimidated despite the height difference. "This has nothing to do with you."

"I never took you for a gutless wonder," Miles retorted.

James glared at him. "Fuck off Miles," he returned, stomping out of the lounge room, down the corridor, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him.

Jin emerged from the kitchen. "Hey thanks for the back up," Miles muttered dryly, glancing at him.

"You shouldn't push too hard, one day he hit you."

"No he won't, maybe you should take him fishing, have a man to man chat with him about women," Miles suggested.

"I asked, he didn't want to go."

"Yeah the guys a fucking sad case at the moment."

*******

It was only ten in the morning and Juliet felt tired already. She hadn't slept well. Her mind being taken up with James and lying there awake trying to figure out what was with him lately. She had just sat down to take a break when June, the head nurse and George, Dharma doctor, came running into the workshop. She stood startled.

"What's wrong?"

"There's been a cave in at the orchid," June replied in a breathless voice, looking worried, "some people are trapped, others hurt."

"Of my god!" Juliet gasped, her heart sinking.

"You need to drive us out there," George added.

"Okay," she swallowed grabbing the keys and leading them to a combie van. Then it suddenly hit her. James was out there! Him and Miles had come by this morning to grab a jeep. Oh god what if he was hurt. Starting the engine she silently prayed that both him and Miles would be okay and tried hard not to panic. He had been so sweet this morning, kind of shy and hesitant. She had given him the key to the jeep. He had smiled and asked how she was. She had smiled in return and said she was fine. He said he'd missed playing two handed patience with her before Miles had called out. "C'mon LaFleur quit your drooling and get your ass in the jeep." James had glared at Miles before muttering, "I'll see ya around."

She had watched him get into the jeep and say to Miles, "I swear to god I'll shut that smart ass mouth of yours one of these days", before they drove away. She had smiled to herself. Since when did James drool over her? That was what Miles had said hadn't he?

Juliet bit down on her lip as she drove the comby van at breakneck pace to reach the Orchid. To be honest she had noticed him watching her lately, maybe even the last few months, but then he was going out with all these girls and that confused her. He looked at her as if he liked her but he never acted on it. He often made references to his dodgy past as if it bothered him. Even though he acted so cocky at times she could see he didn't always like who he was. He mentioned that being here and working in security was the only ever honest job he'd ever done. _Well there's always a first time for everything, s_he had quipped. He smiled warmly, his hair falling forward and she resisted the urge to brush it back with her hand.

Finally the van pulled up at the construction site for the Orchid. Juliet was out of the van like a shot, but there was no sign of James. Her anxiety suddenly increased tenfold till she saw Miles. She ran over to him. He was covered in dirt but looked okay.

"You alright?" she asked breathlessly.

He nodded. "Yeah I'm fine."

Juliet looked wildly about before returning her attention to him.

"Where's James?" she asked, panic lacing her voice.

Miles looked surprised. "He was right behind me in the tunnel," he replied slowly also looking around. "I swear because he was pushing me and telling me to run faster …"

Juliet turned away and headed towards the tunnel. He had to be okay! James was tough … wasn't he? She could feel herself beginning to lose it. She hadn't even had the chance to tell him how much she cared about him. Then suddenly he appeared in front of her. She stopped and stared at him, her relief palpable. Thank god. He was also covered in dirt but he'd never looked so good.

"Juliet," he spoke looking pleasantly surprised and puzzled.

Next thing she knew she was in his arms. "You scared me," she murmured in his chest. He held her tightly for a moment and she could hear his rapid heart beat.

"I'm alright," he murmured in her hair.

He pulled back to look at her and she felt instant embarrassment. How could she just throw herself in his arms like that?

"How come you're here?" he asked, his eyes questioning.

"I brought the doctor …" she began, but breaking off there when she noticed the blood in his hair, that was now trickling down the side of his face. "You're bleeding."

He brought a hand up to his head. "I am?" he muttered gazing down at the blood on his hand.

She grabbed him by the arm. "Come and sit down, I'll take a look at it."

He stumbled slightly and she led him to a where Miles sat on a log. Miles seemed relieved to see him. "You made it out."

"Next time try to run faster."

"Hey I was running as fast as I could," he protested.

Juliet just smiled and shook her head. "Can you get me some water Miles?" she asked turning to him. Miles left and Juliet gave her attention to James. He was reaching in his pocket for a cigarette and she watched as he brought it to his lips and attempted to light it. His hands were shaking so badly that he wasn't having much luck. She placed her hand over his to steady them. He looked up at her. "I forgot you don't like me smoking around ya," he said.

"I think in these circumstances it would be okay," she spoke softly.

"I'm trying to give up." The amount of times she had heard that.

"You shouldn't have started again to begin with."

Juliet remembered it well; their first night here in Dharmaville in 1974. Horace had found them a house to stay in, he'd brought clothes, food and a packet of cigarettes, if anyone wanted them. She had forgotten how many people smoked in the 70's. James had picked up the packet of cigarettes and she had noticed the war taking place by the expression on his faced; Should I, shouldn't I?

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking," he'd replied.

"What's to think about? You just don't do it, you don't need them it's been three months since you last had a cigarette."

"Not by choice though, I just ran out of the damned things."

She shrugged. "Your choice but you'll regret it."

Now here he was, still smoking and still going on about how he was going to give up. Regretting, she knew, the decision to pick up the packet of cigarettes that day. Turning her attention to his head she looked closely at the cut on the left side. It was about two inches long and quite deep.

"You need stitches."

He took hold of her hand and she looked down at him. "You should see a doctor …" she continued.

"They're all busy treating the seriously injured," he began. "And this," he continued pointing to his head. "Is just a small head wound, can't you stitch it up?"

"Okay," she nodded, "I'll see what I can find."

It didn't take her long to find some black cotton, a suture, scissors and some cleaning solution.

James was still sitting on the log, looking a bit calmer. Miles had returned with a bottle of water.

"Thanks Miles," she smiled taking the bottle from him.

She looked at James. "This is going to hurt."

"I'm tough, I can take it Blondie," he returned with an attempt at a smile.

She poured the water over the cut and tried to clean it as much as possible before adding the antiseptic solution. "That's the problem with long hair," she remarked as she examined the cut once again now that it was clean.

"What?" he grimaced.

"It makes stitching it up harder."

"I can always get a crew cut," he joked.

"Don't do that," she said quickly and without thinking began running her fingers through his hair.

"I like it long."

The feel of her fingers in his hair was distracting because it felt so good and he had to resist the urge to pull her down onto his lap and kiss her senseless. He glanced at Miles as if to say, 'see she likes the hippy hair.' Juliet moved away, but not before he thought he detected desire in her eyes or was it just him imagining things? Do you feel something for me Juliet? But Miles was right, he lacked the balls to tell her how he felt and Juliet was back to being completely sufficient and had his head stitched up in no time. It hurt like hell but he refused to make a sound.

*******

By 6.00pm that night he had a thumping headache and felt mildly nauseous. He'd taken two pain killers and went to bed in the hope that the headache would soon past. He didn't know how much time passed by but he felt someone shaking him and calling his name.

"James, I need you to wake up," the voice was more insistent and familiar.

With great effort he finally forced his eyes opened and looked up into Juliet's familiar but worried face.

"What'd you doing here," he stammered.

"Seeing how you are," she replied, the concern still evident in her eyes. Why the hell was she looking so worried? A sudden wave of nausea hit him.

"I think I'm going to be sick," he muttered pushing the covers back and stumbling to the toilet.

He reached the toilet bowl just in time before he started heaving the contents of his stomach into it. Now this was charming, he mused dryly, Juliet catching him at his worse again. He hated throwing up, it made tears leak out of his eyes and roll down his cheeks. Juliet handed his a warm flannel and he slumped back against the wall. She was sitting on the tiled floor opposite him. He wiped his face with the flannel, his hand trembling and noticed the concern in her eyes.

"You have a concussion," she spoke.

"I didn't even pass out."

"You don't have to."

She placed a hand on his raised knee.

"Now this is romantic," he began with a slow smile, "we have to stop meeting like this, couldn't think of a fancier place to trap me huh?"

A smile crossed her face and she shook her head.

"And it's not like your dressed for the occasion," she added.

He must look a sight. Then he realised he was only wearing his boxer shorts and he suddenly felt self conscious. Why didn't he leave his singlet on? It wouldn't be so bad if had a six pack like Jin but he hadn't been to the gym in months or done anything much in the way of exercise. This was just fucking great.

"I need to get dressed," he muttered staggering to his feet.

Juliet helped him up, he swayed for a moment.

"I haven't minded the view," she replied lightly a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

Was he hearing things? His head was muddled and he felt kind of drunk.

"You're just being nice," he replied as she led him back to his bedroom. "That's you Juliet, always being nice to everyone, don't you ever get sick of being nice?" he continued his words beginning to sound a little slurred.

"Sit down," she instructed helping him to the bed.

He sat down on this bed and watched as she rummaged through his draw for a t-shirt.

"I can do that," he protested taking the t-shirt from her and trying to pull the damn thing over his head. Why wouldn't it go on?

She smiled, looking slightly amused. "Here let me help you with that," she said and before he knew it she had slipped it over his head.

He pushed his arms through and attempted to pull the top down. This was just plain embarrassing and he felt dizzy and so damn tired. He lay back gazing up at the ceiling.

"I feel like crap."

******

Juliet gazed down at him with amusement finding his self consciousness kind of endearing. He'd promptly fallen asleep again. Sighing she lifted his legs on the bed and tried waking him again.

"Too tired," he mumbled, "need to sleep."

"No James, you have to wake up, I still haven't checked your pupils."

He pulled her down into his arms. "Lie with me," he murmured in her hair.

Now this was becoming inappropriate. She tried to disentangle herself from his arms, but he simply snuggled in closer to her and she found her face only inches from his. He was still asleep and she just lay there gazing into his face, noting the faint lines around his eyes. Unable to help herself she gingerly raised a hand and lightly stroked his face, running her fingers across his lips. This was torture, she acceded as she traced the outline of his jaw, her fingers trailing along his hairline. His hair was surprisingly soft. What if he woke up? It wasn't going to happen but she could no longer stand it and sighing to herself she carefully and reluctantly disentangled herself from his arms.

She stood beside his bed watching him sleep, seeing the steady rise and fall of his chest. Her feelings for him ran too deep and it frightened her. Hadn't she vowed never to let herself get close to a man again? And she was way too close to this man. It was better to avoid him, especially given his track record with women. Sitting down on a chair by his bed, that was strewn with clothes he'd obviously chucked there, she ran a hand over her face. But she wanted to be close to him. She loved being around him. He made her feel good about herself, special almost and that was worse in some ways because it made her more vulnerable. It was better to stay away.

****End of Flashback *****

**A/N: This was fun to write. Let me know what you thought and anything you would like to see happen between the characters. I have a list happening. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

Juliet clutched the sides of the toilet bowl. Not again. So far being pregnant sucked. The morning sickness had kicked in five days ago, just as she hit the sixth week of her pregnancy. She wouldn't have minded if it only happened in the morning and not at various times throughout the day. Why the hell do they call it morning sickness? She could think of plenty other more descriptive terms to name it. James poked his head around the door, looking sympathetic and squeamish at the same time.

"Is it safe to come in?" he asked.

She nodded, flushing the toilet.

"I'm fine," she managed to get out.

He stepped into the small confines of the toilet and handed her a warm flannel. She took it from him and smiled. "I remember the time when this was the other way around and you were the one heaving in the toilet bowl and I was handing you the flannel."

James frowned. "Is that the time I got really drunk on New Year's Eve?"

"I'm surprised you remember any of that," she returned, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I have the photos you took to remind me of it," he muttered dryly.

Her smiled widened. "You were so funny that night."

"Yeah I never heard the end of it."

Least Miles had made an even bigger ass of himself that night.

"Serve's you right for getting so drunk."

She wasn't particularly sympathetic when the cause was self inflicted. Feeling somewhat tender she raised a hand and stroked his unshaven cheek. The last 20 months had been fantastic and sort of surreal because she couldn't remember being this happy in a long while.

"It was the time you had that concussion from the cave in at the Orchid," she continued, "do you remember it?"

He smiled slowly. "That was kind of tortuous, that time."

"I remember sitting there in the chair watching you sleep and having all these sudden feelings towards you and thinking that this wasn't good."

He caressed her cheek with his thumb. His eyes meeting hers, she saw the warmth reflected there.

"It's just as well you eventually changed you're mind Blondie because you were driving me crazy," he murmured his eyes lowering to her mouth.

"I think it went both ways," she grinned.

He went to kiss her but she held her hand up to her mouth. "Spew breath … not a good idea."

**~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~**

Juliet had had the worst night sleep. She had spent three hours sitting there watching James sleep. Three hours of analysing these new and raw feelings she had towards him. Three hours to contemplate and remember everything she had read about him in that file Ben gave to her 20 months ago. Unfortunately she had a good memory and remembered most things but what she had read was at odds with the person she had come to know these last 16 months. Her main concern then had been about Jack. James was simply a ploy, a tool to be used in regards to Kate's feelings for him in order to manipulate Jack. James was nothing important, they hadn't even really regarded him as human. He was arrogant, cocky, rebellious and difficult, but his willingness to risk his own life to protect Kate was the first admirable quality she saw in him. A quality that had told her there was more to him. The attitude, as she found out, was just his defensive way of turning people away. In the beginning a lot of their conversations had been about trivial things. She was amazed by his pop culture references and teased him about living in front of a television set growing up. He had just replied 'that there wasn't much else to do and that he had a good memory for retaining trivial useless information.' She hazard a guess that immersing himself in the world of television was a good way to escape the trauma of what had happened to him. He made out like he didn't give a shit about finishing high school, joked he was just some dumb country hick but something about his manner told her that he wished it were different. He never talked about his parents but she knew and he knew she knew because he would often say, '_so what else was in that damn file?' _

'_Only facts."_

"_Such as?"_

"_You spent six months in prison, conned your way out by doing a deal with the warden, and you have a daughter called Clementine."_

_Then he would appear put out that she knew so much about him. He would squirm and look uncomfortable. _

"_I'd make a shit father," he'd muttered._

That is when she felt kind of sorry for him. When she noticed he did, intensely at times though he hid it well, dislike himself.

She had not wanted to acknowledge there was more to him, that they were in some ways similar. As time went on though she couldn't help but notice the warmth behind his gruffness, the odd moments when she'd catch the brief confusion mingled with sadness in his eyes and the way he seemed to be able to understand her own pain without asking questions. In a strange way he was able to offer comfort that she had had only from a few people in her lifetime.

"I can't do this," she murmured to herself as she looked at her pale reflection in the mirror. She couldn't afford to let herself get close to him because all of these feelings, in truth, terrified her. It was better to play it cool with him, and to see less of him.

**~~~~~~~~End of flashback~~~~~~~~~~~**

James felt really bad for her. She looked white as a sheet and it was all his fault. He was the one that got her pregnant. He'd had a week to get use to the idea of her being pregnant and was surprised by the sudden feelings of tenderness towards her. They hadn't talked anymore about getting married, though he had secretly ordered an engagement ring he had seen and liked in a jewellery catalogue. The downside to living on an unchartered island that was unseeable to the outside world meant it was going to take three months to get here. Should he tell her about it, maybe they should order wedding rings now and start putting some plans in motion for arranging a wedding day. Something simple and low key. He put a teaspoon of sugar in the cup of black tea and stirred it. He'd read in the pregnancy book that black tea was supposed to help settle the stomach. She had tried it and didn't mind it. Handing her the cup he sat down opposite her.

"You want something to eat?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"You should eat ya know because the morning sickness will just get worse and …"

"Did you read that in the book," she butted in.

He could tell the book pissed her off but lately quite a lot of things were pissing her off. He felt like he was walking on egg shells. Reaching out a hand he grabbed her pale one in his and squeezed it.

"Ya want me to rip the pages out one by one and start a miniature, pregnancy books only, bonfire?"

She managed a smile. "No I still get a laugh out of the pictures."

Okay, so she seemed a bit better. Did he talk about the wedding now?

"You know how you said yes about getting married the other day?" he began, hesitantly, averting his gaze from hers.

"I vaguely remember something," she replied with a wave of her hand and a half smile.

He glanced back at her seeing the playful glint in her eyes. He hadn't accounted for her mischievous streak and it had surprised him when he first saw it.

"How about ya take that vague memory and think more concretely about it, and I dunno look at setting some kind of date," he suggested.

She bit down on her lip, looking indecisive. He was beginning to feel a bit uptight, she was good at making him feel that way at times, especially in the beginning, when she was still trying so damn hard to make him believe she didn't care about him.

**~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~**

"What is it with Juliet?" he muttered to Miles as they walked to the dining hall.

"Why don't you ask her," Miles returned.

Three days had now passed since the night of his concussion; three frustrating days of trying to figure her out and why she was back to being the ice queen. The sudden cold shoulder treatment confused him. He had woken up the next morning after the Orchid incident, with a dull headache and some vague memories of himself throwing up in the toilet bowl and Juliet helping him back to his bed. She had been so sweet towards him. He figured he must have been dreaming and judging by her cool demeanour the next day, maybe he had been. Had he done or said something to her that night that he didn't remember? If so it must have been bad if she were now avoiding him. He was confused because he thought she cared, was maybe even starting to like him but he was obviously wrong.

"Maybe she's afraid," Miles offered.

"Of what?"

Miles turned to look at him. "Well let's face it LaFleur your track record with women to date hasn't been crash hot."

"Neither has yours," he retorted, his eyes narrowing.

Miles just shrugged, unperturbed. "You asked," he returned, moving on and pushing the door to the dining hall open. He had to accede that what Miles said made sense and he inwardly groaned. Who was he kidding anyway? Why would a smart beautiful woman like her want to go out with someone like him? He could feel the depression sink in as he grabbed a plate.

"Hi Jim," Barbara spoke from behind.

He turned to look at her.

"Hi there Sheena," he smiled.

She smiled at the nickname.

"I heard about what happened to you at the Orchid," she began, "how's your head?"

"It's fine, I'll live," he shrugged.

"That's a relief," she grinned, "Dharma just wouldn't be the same without you."

Her eyelashes fluttered and she suddenly looked really attractive. Was she flirting with him?

"I'm sure you'll survive."

"How about you sit with me and tell me all about your near brush with death," she suggested.

He wasn't really keen but he didn't know how to say no without offending her.

"Sure not that there's much to tell."

She was insistent. He sat at the table and she sat next to him. Miles was opposite and they exchanged glances. Miles shook his head.

"So how's the hair dressing salon coming along?" he asked.

"Boring," she admitted, "everyone seems in favour of long hair these days, except for Miles."

"I'm a nonconformist," Miles stated.

"Just as well or I'd be out of a job," she joked.

Miles smirked. "Glad to help you out."

Maybe he should start match making these two, they were better suited, now all he had to do was excuse himself. Soon as he finished eating, but Miles beat him to it.

"I've got to get to work," he said, getting up from the table. "I'll see you around Barbara."

"Are you going to the barn dance tonight?" she asked.

"Maybe."

Miles was gone and now he was alone with Barbara. He ate quickly. Barbara had moved closer to him.

"So what about you? Are you going to go tonight?"

He grimaced. "I don't dance."

He'd never like barn dances, glad they died a natural death in the late 80's, unfortunately they were currently very much in vogue.

"I've got to go," he continued pushing his plate away and rising to his feet.

Barbara had also stood, in too close proximity to him, and he began to feel uncomfortable. Her large brown eyes gazed into his. "You should come tonight," she murmured. "It'll be fun and you don't have to dance."

He didn't know what to say and nodded stupidly. "Maybe."

She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Maybe this might help change your mind."

He froze on the spot. She smiled and then waltzed away. What the hell was that? She was so brazen. He looked up to see Juliet standing near the food counter, her gaze fixed on him. For a moment he was mortified and it was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that it wasn't what she thought. She raised an eyebrow looking him over coolly before turning away and he stomped out of the dining hall. Let her think what she damn well wanted.

* * *

He was unbelievable, Juliet fumed, how many notches did he want on his belt? It's just as well she let her reservations control her actions. He was just a womaniser through and through. She'd been in a shitty mood all morning and took it out on the various mechanic tools she's been using, tossing them on the ground or the bench with much force. Chucking the spanner in her hand on the bench, barely missing the bottle of coke, she looked up and noticed the other mechanics watching her. She glared at them.

"What are you all staring at!" she snapped.

They quickly continued with whatever they were doing but not before she heard one of them mutter, 'she must be on her rags.'

"I heard that, and no I'm not."

She worked till late as possible that day, taking out her frustrations on as many crappy hippy vans as she could. Cursing the 70's, cursing that she was unfortunate to be stuck in them. The fashion sucked too, so did the women, still stuck in some 1950's mindset of waiting on men hand and foot. Wasn't the feminist movement supposed to happen soon?

* * *

James took his bad mood out on Phil, sending him hurrying and scurrying about the place, doing various jobs for him. He'd tried ordering Miles around as well but Miles just told him to fuck off. Jin made himself scarce, saying he hadn't finished searching the Northern valley for John Locke and the others. Once work was finished he went to the gym and put himself through some punishing schedule of running, lifting weights, running, more weights until he pulled a muscle in his back and had to spend the next two days flat on his back in bed. That didn't help with his negative frame of mind at all. He'd come to the conclusion that women were just not worth the hassle.

* * *

Juliet had that determined stubborn look on her face. She could look intimidating when she wanted, like she did right now.

"Come on Juliet, what could it hurt?"

"I'm not going Miles."

He sighed running a hand up the back of his neck having had enough of both James and her, especially James because the guy was a serious pain in the ass when he was a grouch and he had to live with the bastard. It was alright for Juliet. She lived on the other side of Dharmaville now.

"So what if you hate LaFleur, you can just ignore him for the night," Miles continued. "Besides if it makes you feel any better he pulled a muscle in his back the other day and hasn't been able to do anything and he's been miserable and grumpy since, not that that's out of the ordinary for him …"

"He hurt himself?" she asked looking suddenly concerned.

Miles felt like wringing her neck. Oh, so now she cared!

"He'll live," he replied, unsympathetically.

"How bad is it?" she continued to ask, a frown denting her smooth forehead.

"He's in some pain I guess but he takes the pain killers with a can of beer and several more cans of beer and says that helps a lot."

Juliet's frowned increased. "He's taking pain killers with alcohol? What sort of pain killers."

Miles shrugged, "I don't know, why don't you ask him?"

The cool mask had slipped somewhat and now she looked concerned.

"I bet if you come to the monopoly night tonight it'll probably cheer him up a bit."

Juliet bit down on her lip. She glanced back at Miles.

"Is Barbara going to be there?"

Miles frowned. "Why would she be there?"

Juliet blinked in surprised. "I just thought … never mind."

"So you're going to come right?"

She nodded.

******************

"Talk me out of this," she whispered to her reflection in the mirror. How did Miles talk her into coming to the monopoly night, yet again? Maybe she was just a sucker for punishment. She was still fuming from the other day and seeing Barbara kiss James. And she was far from ready to hear what he had to stay about it but it looked to be nothing much after all and maybe she had blown the whole thing out of context. Then why hadn't he spoken to her since?

Soon as she walked through the front door that night and saw him, she knew she had made a mistake in coming here. He had looked good, too damn good and despite moving a little stiffly he didn't look that worse for wear. All the resentment of the last week had bombarded her and she just could resist saying, _so who's the latest harem addition now?_ He'd been cocky but surly, she'd been a bitch, Miles and Jin had disappeared. Then he had just pulled her into his arms and kissed her so passionately and longingly that it literally left her breathless. _You don't know just how perfect you are for me, he murmured._

His breath tickled her neck. Everything turned upside down as his hands moved from her shoulders to her waist, moulding her body to his so tightly she could feel the beating of his heart. She wound her arms around his neck and buried her fingers in his hair. How was it that no man's kiss had ever made her feel this way? There really wasn't any turning back now.

When James lifted his mouth from hers, she felt bereft. Time hung suspended as he gazed at her, his eyes questioning. "Ya aint gonna avoid me anymore?"

"No, I-I don't think I can," she replied honestly in a husky voice.

Instant relief crossed his face.

"Thank god for that," he breathed and began planting teasing little kisses over every inch of exposed skin, starting at the hollow at the base of her neck. The man was driving her crazy. She couldn't remember wanting anyone so much. She felt ambushed by her desire and need and want. Her hands fumbled to undo the buttons on his shirt. Frustrated that it was taking so long she pulled the shirt apart, a stray button bouncing of his chest.

"Easy there Blondie," he drawled, a crooked smile crossing his face. "I know I'm hot but …"

She silenced him with a kiss, her tongue slipping intimately into his mouth, teasing, coaxing, making him groan. Her hands circled his waist and slowly made their way upwards through the light scattering of chest hair, her fingers lightly brushing his nipples. He drew in sharp breath.

"Do you have any idea on what you do to me?"

Of course she did.

"Stupid question," she grinned.

She could see the barely controlled passion in his eyes.

"I thought you'd want to take it slow?"

"I haven't had sex in nearly two year James, how slow do we take it?"

He looked lost for words and not giving him a chance to answer she pressed her lips against his, her hands resuming their exploration. James was obviously no longer fighting for control. He deepened the kiss, his hands doing their own exploration, now causing her to groan. He led, half lifted her towards the bedroom, reluctant to let her go so much as even an inch. Once in the bedroom, he pulled her top off, fiddled to undo her bra.

"Damn stupid things," he muttered, his breath hot against her neck.

She smiled up at him and easily unclipped it with two fingers. His hands caressed her breast, causing a low moan to escape her throat.

"You are so beautiful," he breathed in her hair, pulling it free from the confines of the scrunchie, so that is fell down loose and free over her shoulders. "That's better," he muttered huskily, his hands ploughing through her hair, lowering his mouth to hers. Legs and arms entangled they fell back on his bed and Juliet was beyond any rational thought. She just wanted him inside of her and right now. Her hands fumbled at the top button of his jeans. He groaned but had gone strangely still. Sitting back, she looked down at him. He was laid flat out on his back, not moving, a pained expression on his face. She pushed the hair out of her eyes.

"What is it?" she asked with sudden concern.

"My back," he grimaced.

In the heat of the moment she had forgotten all about his back. So had he, obviously.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered in obvious pain.

For a moment she was too stunned to speak and then she started giggling. What rotten timing … she had such bad luck. James was obviously not seeing the funny side of it.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, leaning over him, "It's just that I think I'm jinxed when it comes to stuff like this."

And she was truly sorry because he had to spend the next week in traction, and it was a month before he was in any fit state to have sex. She promised to be gentle and take it slow this time. He teased her about visiting old crazy Oldham and getting un-jinxed.

Funny thing was, that maybe waiting a month turned out to be a good thing after all. He was more vulnerable, she was more than willing to make him feel better. She spent every moment of her free time with him. They spent hours talking, cuddling and just enjoyed being together.

**~~~~~~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~~~~~**

James was surprised to come home from work to a spotless house and the smell of something delicious cooking on the stove top. Not much of that had been happening the last several weeks as Juliet battled through her morning sickness. Maybe this was a sign she was getting over it. At least he hoped. She appeared in the doorway wearing jeans and the purple halter neck top he liked so much. There was some colour in her cheeks for a change and she appeared to be wearing lip gloss. She looked so damn pretty that he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He tripped over the rug as he approached her, a hairs breath away from knocking her favourite crystal vase off the buffet.

"You right there Mr Klutz," she grinned.

He knew she loved it when she got even with him.

"Ha ha, so what's the special occasion?" he asked, finally reaching her.

"It's the end of my first trimester and I've not thrown up for three whole days."

He leaned forward to kiss her. "That's a relief," he grinned, "no more spew breath."

"And they have officially put me in charge of the maternity ward at the hospital."

He was impressed but not surprised and kind of glad she was no longer working in the motor pool with all those men. "So they should after you delivered baby Ethan."

They both went still, that name causing an uneasy silence between them.

"And you're happy with this?"

She smiled and nodded. "At present it seems women can safely have their babies on the island and now that I'm feeling better I think we should set the wedding date."

He looked at her surprised. She had barely discussed that these last two months.

"How about three weeks?"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Miles and Jin were still sitting on the step outside the front of the house. Jin had launched into a lengthy discussion on the art of fishing but Miles was only half listening. Fishing wasn't his thing. His mind was pre-occupied with figuring out a pick up line to use when he next saw Barbara and hoping she was over her infatuation with LaFleur.

"Been quiet for a while now," Jin spoke.

Miles turned to look at the front door. "Think it's safe to go in?"

Jin nodded and they made their way inside the house.

Miles eyes scanned the room. "Where did they go?"

His gaze met Jin's.

Jin grinned. "About time."

Juliet suddenly emerged from the passage way looking flustered, hair all messy, her face flushed.

Miles and Jin looked at her startled for a moment.

"What the …" Miles began.

"Um it's James," she stammered, trying to smooth her hair down with her hands in an attempt to regain some composure. "H-He's hurt his back and it's bad."

"How did he hurt his back?" Miles enquired unable to hide the grin.

Juliet's face went a deeper shade of red. He'd never seen her this way before. This was amusing but he better not tease her too much. LaFleur was another thing all together. They went into the bedroom and he looked down at James, shaking his head.

"What is she too much woman for you to handle LaFleur?" he quipped.

James glared up at him. "Shut up Miles.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**A/N: I probably should finish there. Sorry about the long chapter but I just can't help myself sometimes. I hope you enjoy it and get a bit of a laugh. Please review and let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **This chapter goes to aurora1020 and gemini ebo who both requested a James jealousy chapter and especially to my friend gemini ebo for her help with ideas on this chapter. Please excuse the grammatical errors. Its school holidays over here in Australia and my three children have been harassing me all the time! So my editing hasn't been the best or the fluidity of my ideas. Not to mention I made all these editing changes which I somehow managed to accidentally delete. Arghh!

**Chapter 5.**

The new maternity ward at the hospital made a nice change from the motor pool. Delivering Amy's baby had been a release for Juliet, a welcomed release. After all those years of seeing women die in childbirth on this island, it was nice to know that it was now a thing of her past, or was that future? Being pregnant made her more sympathetic towards the other pregnant ladies, not that there was that many. Especially since the incident at the Swan station when stupid Radinsky had drilled into the electro magnetic pocket of energy causing anything metallic to be sucked into the chasm. All women and children had been evacuated from the island but she had refused to leave. James had been angry with her, had even raised his voice.

"_You will get on that sub Juliet, in case you haven't realised but you are pregnant!" _"_I'm not taking those sedatives whilst I'm in the early stages of my pregnancy," she'd calmly replied watching him run an agitated hand through his hair, seeing the scowl on his face. _"_I gotta get back to the swan station," he muttered giving her a passing glance before stomping towards the front door. She hated the thought of him out there, but she still felt annoyed by him raising his voice. "At least stay in the house," he said over his shoulder. _"_Be careful," she called after him. __Then she had paced the lounge room floor for most the day, anxiously waiting for him to return._

The incident was contained with a lot of cement and the hatch, hastily built. The infamous computer and button pushing was put into operation. It was weird seeing, hearing in her case, it all unfold in front of them, when they knew the future. Knowing that one day Desmond would be down in that hatch, pushing that button every 108 minutes before flight 815 crashes on the island.

"_Do you think it'll happen again?" Juliet had asked James on the day the swan hatch had been officially opened. They were lying back on the bed, neither of them able to sleep, both thinking the same things._

"_The incident always happened in 1977, I guess that'll mean the other things could happen too," he hesitantly replied. _

"_Think we'll see our younger selves when we are older?"_

_He rolled over on his side facing her. She didn't miss seeing the sudden worry in his eyes. She knew he didn't like to discuss the future._

"_Who knows," he shrugged._

_She didn't like thinking about it either, because it frightened her and it reminded her of the bizarreness of their whole being here to begin with._

Since the hatch had become operational, slowly the women and children were beginning to come back to the island. Life moved on and now here she was 13 weeks pregnant, about to get married in five weeks and it was December 1977. And she was living this cosy little life with a man that she deeply loved and loved her in return and she was blissfully happy and ignored the little voice in her head that said _but for how long?_ She ran her hands over her stomach that was still relatively flat at this stage.

"_Are you sure there's a baby in there," James had joked the other day, his hand resting on her tummy, "you're not just yanking my chain."_

_They were lying back in bed reading, James too before deciding to direct his attention to her._

"_Just you wait," she had smiled in return, "soon I'll be out here," she continued, holding her hands in front of her. _

"_I can't wait to see that," he grinned, "then I get to tease you right?"_

_She gave a look that said otherwise._

"_I look more pregnant than you," he said, sounding disgruntled._

"_Says who?"_

"_Miles."_

_Juliet laughed. "As if and why do you always let what he says bother you?"_

"_I didn't say it bothered me," he frowned._

_Juliet just shook her head and returned her attention to her book. _

The door opened, breaking Juliet out of her reverie and she looked up to see Derek enter, carrying an armful of medical supplies. He had taken the position as the new surgeon on the island two months ago and much to James' chagrined seemed to have taken a liking to her.

"Hi Derek," she smiled.

He grinned in return. "Hi there Juliet, you're looking particularly pretty today."

His gaze wandering from her toes up to her face. He said that most days. You know I'm pregnant right? She felt like telling him and that I'm with someone.

"_Anytime LaFleur stuffs up you know I'm available."_

She hadn't mentioned that to James. James didn't tend to deal with his jealousy all that well. The thought had no sooner left her mind and who should next walk through the door, but James himself. He came at this time everyday to make sure she had eaten lunch. His concern was touching and even though they had been together this long, she could still feel the heat suffix her face at the sight of him. He smiled at her and then frowned when he saw Derek. '_What sort of goofy name is Derek anyway,' he'd muttered the other day. 'He's kind of cute,' she had replied just to see his reaction. _

Derek was in the middle of putting the medical supplies away.

"Hi Jim," he acknowledged.

"Derek."

James put his arms around her, in a possessive way and she felt like kicking him.

"Hey there Sunshine have you eaten lunch yet?" he asked, nuzzling her neck.

She pulled back and gave him a 'don't start' look, which he completely ignored.

"No."

He smiled. "Great, neither have I, now you can join me."

She rolled her eyes. James turned to Derek. "Is that alright with you boss."

"Sure," Derek replied with a dismissive wave.

James put his arm around her.

"Hey you know Juliet and I are getting married," he declared and Juliet gave him an incredulous look. "In five weeks," he continued ignoring her look again.

Derek stopped what he was doing and glanced at them. "Congratulations," he stammered, his eyes resting on Juliet.

"Thanks," Juliet replied, grabbing James by the hand and yanking him out of the infirmary.

No sooner were they out the door and she rounded on him. "What was that all about?"

He shrugged, looking vague. "What?"

"You getting all jealous."

"I'm just letting him know you're my girl," he replied as if that were perfectly normal and right.

_You're my girl_. That made her smile.

"We're not in high school James."

"Yeah well I'm not going through what you put me through with Mr Hot Mechanic last year," he muttered as if the whole memory of that time left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"What I put you through," she gasped eyes widening in disbelief, "don't you mean what you put us through."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a Friday afternoon. Miles, Jin, James and Juliet were sitting on the front porch eating pizza, drinking beer. Juliet was sipping on a glass of white wine a look of contentment on her face as if she'd just worked a hard day and deserved a drink. There was still grease smudged on her cheek. James tried rubbing it off with his thumb.  
"Such a grot, you couldn't wash before ya came," he teased, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. "It's only been six months and ya getting slack already."

"You smelt under your arms yet," she returned.

He frowned and did just that. She laughed and shook her head.

"Anyone seen the new heart throb?" Miles asked with a mouthful of food. "Damn but it's going to be harder to get a girl now, apparently his abs are hotter than Jin's."

"I saw him at the gym," Jin spoke. "He is very fit."

"Good on him," James added, reaching across for a slice of pizza.

"He has these killer blue eyes, with dark lashes," Juliet said.

James frowned at her.

"Jane's exact words," she continued. "And a smile to die for."

"Jane's words again?" James enquired, nonchalantly as possible.

"No I noticed that," she replied with a quick smile.

"When did you see him?" James asked, still frowning.

"He works at the motor pool," she shrugged finishing her glass of wine.

"He does huh," James mumbled, not liking the thought of that.

"What's he like?" Miles asked as if sensing James' concern and wanting to capitalise on it.

"He's actually very nice and friendly," Juliet replied.

"How friendly?" James asked gruffly.

Juliet just laughed, resting her hand on his arm. "Don't be silly, he's not going to look twice at me."

Those words didn't reassure him. It sometimes annoyed him that she was totally unaware of how beautiful she was.

"I need another glass of wine," she continued, going inside the house.

Miles looked up at him.

"How does it feel LaFleur? No longer being the top spunk of Dharmaville?"

James took a swig of his beer. "Great."

And it was kind of a relief, except for the part about the so called new hunk working in the motor pool alongside Juliet. Still he wasn't that fussed. Things were going from strength to strength with Juliet and they just continued to grow closer together. He had subtly mentioned about them moving in together. She hadn't got back to him on that one yet, did it mean he should ask her again. Perhaps she had just forgotten about it or maybe she didn't want him to move in with her? He ignored the last part of that thought.

He got to see the new guy for himself the following day and yeah he was something else. Guessed chicks would dig a guy who looked like a Greek god. The wavy dark hair, the killer blue eyes, perfect nose, the smile to die for and the best physique to ever grace Dharmaville. But he wasn't worried. Didn't worry at all until he noticed the way the new heart throb looked and smiled at Juliet.

It was a Monday evening. He was at Juliet's house playing two handed patience. She had cooked spaghetti. They had nearly drunk a whole bottle of wine and he tried not to mention the new guy, but failing miserably.

"So how is Mr Good-looking at the motor pool?"

"Paul?"

"Yeah him," he said, lightly, placing a card down on to the pack.

Juliet peered at him over the top of her cards.

"He knows what he's doing, that makes a nice change," she replied.

Great, now he added smart to the long list of his attributes.

"So he hasn't tried to crack on to you yet?"

Juliet lowered her cards and looked at him, a frown denting her smooth forehead.

"Are you jealous?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

He just shrugged and half laughed saying. "No way, I just noticed the way he looked at you the other day."

"Looked at me?" she asked in disbelief. "Like how?"

"Like he likes ya."

Juliet shook her head, a bemused smile crossing her face. "James you know I adore you right?"

He glanced up at her, a tinge of red creeping into his cheeks. "Yeah sure." But she still hadn't asked him to move in with her yet. "I adore you too." And he did but he still had his moments of insecurity because he couldn't always figure out what she saw in him?

"Then you have no cause to be jealous."

Margaret emerged from her bedroom wearing black leggings and a pink leotard that seriously hurt his eyes, hair and make-up perfect.

"I'm off to the gym," she spoke, slinging a towel over her shoulder.

"Have fun," Juliet grinned.

James watched her exit the door. He looked back at the wide smile crossing Juliet's face.

"Don't tell me, Mr hotshot there?"

Juliet nodded.

"I'll have to go to the gym when he ain't there now."

"Since when do you go to the gym?"

"Since of today."

Every muscle in his body still ached. And after comparing his own physique to that of the island idol, his wasn't looking that crash hot. The ten pounds he'd put on since giving up smoking four months ago, didn't help. He didn't even have a two pack, let alone a six pack, or maybe even a no pack for that matter.

"We have the house to ourselves," Juliet said, flinging the cards down on the table, a wicked glean in her eyes. "Margaret's gone and she won't be back for at least an hour."

James needed no further prompting, his own vanity forgotten along with any thoughts of the new hot mechanic as they rushed to the bedroom, pulling off shoes and clothes along the way.

********

Over the next week he made himself known to the new mechanic. Made sure the guy knew that Juliet was with him, taking lunch to her every second day, that sort of thing. This day was no exception but when he reached the motor pool Juliet was no where to be seen.

"You're looking for Juliet," a man asked and he turned around to see Paul.

"Yeah."

"She had to go out to the Orchid, a van's broken down out there," he explained wiping his hands on a rag. "Is that her lunch?"

"Uh yeah."

"I'll pass it on to her."

James nodded, feeling awkward. "Okay."

He handed the paper bag to him.

"She's some lady hey," he said taking the bag from him. "I think you've managed to snare the only good looking woman on this island with some common sense."

"Yeah she has a lot of that."

Just as well too.

Paul smiled. "So how long have you two being going out?" he casually enquired.

"Six months," he replied.

"That all."

James frowned. What did he mean by 'that all'?

"We've known each other for years," he added. "We're very close."

Did he say more? Did he placing greater emphasis on how close they were?

The jealousy didn't really raise it's ugly head until the evening he saw the two of them sitting, much to close for his comfort, on the steps at the front of the motor pool looking deep in conversation. He was obviously talking about something that was bothering him judging by the sad expression on his face. Juliet reached over and squeezed his hand and James felt like he'd been kicked in the guts. Since when did they get so buddy buddy? They hadn't seen him and spinning around he headed back to his house, hurt, confused, angry and scared. He slammed the front door behind him as he went inside startling Miles who was making out with Barbara on the couch.

"You right there LaFleur," he called out annoyed.

James ignored him. Went into the kitchen and reached for the bottle of bourbon in the top cupboard. Beer just didn't cut it. He needed something stronger. He was on his third bourbon when there was a knock on the door. Her heard Juliet's voice. "Hi Miles, sorry to disturb you, is James here?"

He tipped the rest of the bourbon down the sink, his heart hammering in his chest. It was cool, he could play it down. He filled the glass up with water just as Juliet walked into the kitchen an apologetic expression on her face. "Sorry I'm so late, I got caught up at the …"

"Don't sweat it, it's fine," he shrugged sculling the glass of water.

She smiled sweetly and wove her arms around him, smelling of apple shampoo, her still damp hair curling around her shoulders. He tried hugging her back but what he saw tonight still ate away at him. He pulled back. "I'm tired tonight, I was gonna go to bed early anyway."

He saw the puzzlement in her eyes. "Bad night sleep last night," he continued as if that explained it.

"Oh, okay," she stammered.

He lightly and briefly caressed his cheek, keeping his expression neutral.

"No hard feelings?"

"No," she hesitantly replied an uncertain smile crossing her face before it vanished.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

He led her to the front door, kissed her goodnight, reassured he'd be back to his usual self tomorrow and watched he walk away, a tight feeling constricting in his chest.

********

Everything wasn't right the next morning. The doubt was still there is full force. He'd rolled over in bed groaning, pulling the pillow over his head. Just confront her about it he chided himself, stop torturing yourself like this. Maybe the other guy, what's his face, was better for her and he at least had a trade, unlike him. He was just a high school drop out. And what did she see in him again? She hadn't mentioned moving in together either, maybe she was having doubts? Maybe she wasn't as committed to this relationship as him. His frame of mind didn't improve over the course of the day, and he agreed to work the evening shift for Phil, much to Phil's shock, just so he wouldn't have to see Juliet.

********

Juliet was distracted the next day. James has been acting so odd and she didn't know why. Last night she didn't see him at all. That had been a first in the whole six months they'd been together. Then when she went to his house Miles had answered the door and told her James was doing the late shift. She was surprised considering he'd worked all day and she knew him well enough by now to know he only worked double shifts when something serious was bothering him. She was tempted to see him but thought better of it, maybe he just needed space to sort out whatever was going on with him. She still couldn't help but think it was to do with her. Had she done or said something to upset him? Not having him around or any contact with him left her feeling bereft. She missed him and would like nothing more than to share house with him, but what about Margaret? She would have to move out and Juliet felt bad about that. Waking up to James lying alongside her every morning would be wonderful. His warmth and affection filled the hollow void left by her ex-husband. James made her feel beautiful, special and valued and that is why she loved him so much. Until the other night that was, when he said he was too tired, saw her to the door and kissed her lightly on the lips and she had felt rebuffed and confused. It just wasn't like him.

Juliet tugged at the wrench. Damn bolt wouldn't unscrew. Pulling harder at it she let out a string of swear words. Suddenly it came loose and she fell back on her ass, her hand catching on the sharp ragged tear alongside the metal hull of van she was working on. Blood poured out everywhere and grabbed an oily rag Juliet wrapped it around her hand. It hurt and she bit down on her lip to stop the tears. Paul rushed over to her side.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his eyes falling to the blood on the ground and to the now bloody rag wrapped around her hand. It was bleeding a lot.

"Let me see," he continued gently removing the rag. A nasty deep gash two to three inches long ran from the base of her thumb to her wrist. Looking at it made her feel faint.

"You need to get to the infirmary and have it stitched up."

She nodded. He wrapped the rag back around her hand and she noted the concern in his eyes. As much as she found his attention flattering, he wasn't James. Maybe if she wasn't so in love with James she would almost consider being friendly with him. Despite his good looks, he had a personality and the story he had told her the other night about his wife dying touched her. It must have been tough for him. He said that is why he was here, to escape.

"I can take myself there," she murmured. Last thing she needed was James to see her with Paul.

His jealously had surprised her. How could he at all doubt her? Or was it those own issues he had with his self esteem being the problem again. She wished he'd just get over it.

She went to move but her legs felt wobbly and she would have fallen over if Paul hadn't caught her.

"Whoa," he began, "I think I better go with you."

He still had hold of her and he led her down the steps of the motor pool.

"I should drive you there," he suggested, "in case you pass out."

Juliet nodded, and looked up to see a jeep pull in. She felt much relief to see James behind the steering wheel. A warmth spread through her at the sight of him. Getting out of the jeep he approached them, his eyes darting from her to Paul, his expression suddenly becoming guarded.

"What happed to you?" he asked his gaze resting on her pale face.

"I cut my hand," she replied, his voice sounding wobbly.

His expression softened and she waited for him to pull her into his arms, like he'd normally do but looking into his eyes, she saw the uncertainty there. Why are you not holding me?

"Juliet needs stitches," Paul spoke, "you should take her to the infirmary."

James glanced down at his watch, tapping it with his finger.

"Love to but I have a meeting with Horace right now," he said lightly, handing the keys to Paul, "you'll have to take her."

Juliet was too stunned to speak for a moment, even Paul seemed surprised. She could barely suppress her disappointment. Screw Horace. Couldn't he wait? She gave him an incredulous look, he averted his gaze.

"I'll catch you later," he said under his breath before turning her away, "to see how ya going."

Don't bother she felt like yelling after this retreating back and fighting back the tears.

******

Juliet had sat there quietly as the doctor stitched up her hand. She was still reeling from James' lack of concern and his refusal to take her to the infirmary. What was his problem? She didn't get it. Was she just girlfriend number eight after all? When she left here she was going to find him and demand an answer.

******

James had just opened a can of beer from the fridge feeling like a first class ass. What the hell was he doing? He knew he'd hurt her by not taking her to the infirmary and hadn't missed seeing the confusion mingled with pain in her eyes before walking away. And he was miserable. He needed to see her and just talk to her. Tell her how he felt. She meant too much for him to screw things up. A knock on the door startled him and he went to answer it. Juliet stood there looking pissed off and he was left speechless for a moment. She stormed past him, slamming the door behind her making him jump.

Her gaze searched his face and he could see the range of emotions on hers; from hurt to anger.

"I admit I'm a jerk," he muttered, shifting uncomfortably.

"So what gives James," she got out through gritted teeth. "I'm just some notch on your belt as well? I'm just girlfriend number eight? You get some kind of kick out of it …"

"No!" he protested, shocked. "How could you think that?"

She blinked. "You've been acting like suddenly you don't want to know or care about me," she faltered and he could hear the hurt in her voice. "What am I suppose to think?"

"It's not that …" he began running a hand through his dishevelled hair.

"You think you're the only one who's afraid here?" she demanded, her eyes direct and challenging. "You think that I'm not scared of you screwing some pretty young girl behind my back? Think that it didn't hurt when Edmund did that to me?"

He could see the tears gathering in her eyes and he felt even worse. What did he say?

"I'm sorry." It didn't really seem enough.

She was rubbing her arms and James wished he sometimes had more faith in himself, wished he could promise he'd never hurt her.

Placing his hands on her shoulders he gently rubbed them.

"I'm sorry that I was such an ass Juliet," he murmured gazing down at her. "Ya know I love you and the only reason I've been such a jerk was because I saw you with whats his face the other night and I felt threatened." His voice trailed away there. You're an idiot, he chided.

He swallowed hard and looked away from her direct questioning gaze. "I should have told ya that night instead of making some dumb ass excuse that I was tired."

There was a brief moment of silence before Juliet wove her arms around him, pressing her body up against hers. His relief was instant. She wasn't mad or upset with him anymore.

"Promise me you'll never act this way again James," she murmured in his ear.

He tightened his grip burying his face in her hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~End of Flashback (finally) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James watched Juliet eating ice cream, her shoulders shaking with laughter as they watched Blazing Saddles on video. Jin, Miles and Barbara were here also. Miles had managed to convince Barbara to go back out with him. It had been the biggest novelty when Horace purchased ten VCR's and had them brought to the island. James had managed to snag one for himself. The only down side to that was he had more people popping in to visit than he cared for. He hardly had any alone time with Juliet. Not to mention the amount of women constantly fussing over her. Anyone would think she was a human incubator on legs. They patted her growing belly as if it were their god damn right. _Doesn't that piss you off? He had asked her. _She shook her head. _It's a woman thing._ Yeah but he'd also seen Derek at her work do it and he'd felt like ripping the guys arms off. _You promised me James_. He wasn't about to have any hissy fit over it, it was just annoying, that's all. He was plenty secure in his relationship with her now. Juliet's gaze met his and she smiled warmly at him. Since the pregnancy they were closer than ever. He felt this overwhelming tenderness towards her. Juliet licked the spoon in a teasing way and he longed for the movie to be over. Bloody VCR's, bloody technology. It was beginning to catch up with them. Time was slipping away. He was turning 40 next month, a month before the baby was due. And the future was coming back around again.

After everyone had left he snuggled up with Juliet on the couch discussing baby names, giving her a back massage, running his hand over her tummy, feeling the baby move. He found it hard to believe that life could be this good, that he 'James Ford' aka Sawyer the conman would ever have a happy fulfilling life with someone he deeply loved, with friends that cared and that he would ever be capable of loving and caring back. It was something he'd never take for granted, ever.

**A/N: Thanks to all who have read and reviewed this story. I am officially retiring from fanfiction at the end of this month and do not know if I'll get another chapter happening for this story (hence the sort of semi cheesy ending). Unless the withdrawals become so bad that I have to write again or if half way through Season 6 and its so depressing that I'll need a Sawyer/Juliet fix?**

**I will continue to read and review other fanfic stories I've been following until they are finished. I will also, for those loyal readers who have stuck it out to the bitter end with me, try to attempt to finish my other fanfic story that I've spent the last seven months writing. To those guys even more special thanks.**

**Only 20 days left till Lost returns! Yippie.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Yeah I know I said I wouldn't go back to this story but I just had to write something fun for a change. So much for retirement! I don't know what I was thinking with the whole retirement thing. That's right I was having a really bad couple of weeks work wise, a bad couple of months for that matter and was feeling sorry for myself. I'm over it. All is good now. I hope you enjoy reading this. It's a bit crazy.**

* * *

**Chapter 6. New Year's Eve**

Juliet had a problem. Now that she was seven months pregnant none of her clothes fitted her and to make matters worse she seemed to have popped out over night. Now she was suddenly huge. She couldn't go around living in the one pair of tracksuit pants and James' t-shirts. She had visited the clothing store but Mavis had just given her a blank look when she asked for maternity clothes. Of course she'd had momentarily forgotten it was the stinking 70's and maternity clothes just weren't a happening thing unlike the many glamorous maternity clothes that graced the shops back in her day before she'd left it, back in 2001.

She consulted Amy.

Amy had given what maternity clothes she had to Juliet after telling her that she lived mostly in overalls, loose fitting dresses and you merely just brought bigger sized clothes. Juliet came to one conclusion after going through the dresses and overalls Amy had given her - she was just going to look frumpy for the next couple of months and there wasn't a lot she could do about it.

James had found the dresses highly amusing.

"What is this?" he had asked pulling out the dress, "you could house a whole family under this dress."

She had given him a furious look, but he went on unperturbed.

"You into tent dresses now Blondie?"

She told him he could pitch a tent outside and live in it. That shut him up for about a day but he couldn't hide the amusement in his eyes.

"Aww but you look so cute," he'd said, "especially in those dungarees."

She had stared daggers at him.

He'd laughed, wrapped his arms around her, kissed the top of her head and it was impossible to stay mad at him. Especially when he rubbed her aching feet at the end of the day and gave the best back and neck massages making her sigh in bliss.

He was sweet when he wasn't teasing her. Sometimes she had to shake herself in disbelief that she was actually married and went by the name Mrs LaFleur. Jim's missus, that's what Miles now called her and she used to get angry with him but she'd since given up. It was better not to give Miles the satisfaction of seeing that it bothered her. She would put on her cool mask which she had found harder to do pregnant and blamed all the crazy hormones. She snapped a lot easier. Found herself crying over the most stupidest things. As for her high tolerance that had slipped, dramatically. And the bump, that got in the way of everything. Even a simple task like tying up shoe laces was becoming increasingly difficult.

She was just glad to be working at the hospital now because she couldn't see herself fitting underneath the Kombi vans to fix them. The work in the hospital was much easier and no grease to contend with. There were currently six women pregnant on the island and at various stages. Tracey was just about to give birth. Two of the women were in their first trimesters then there was her and lastly Laura. The one James had gone out with briefly before her, the one that had called her an old hag and the one woman on this island that truly got under her skin. The one woman who also unfortunately happened to be her patient and was due today for a six month check up.

Fuck.

Her mood wasn't the best and having to suffer through Laura's barbs wasn't something she was looking forward to. Hopefully she might be nice for a change.

No such luck.

Laura was as always her bitchy self and was in fine form this afternoon. When Juliet went out to the waiting room to greet her, the first thing Laura remarked was, "Wow look at you."

Her eyes came to rest on Juliet's belly. "Are you sure you're not having twins?" she continued, running a hand over her barely there bump and they were only a month apart.

Juliet gritted her teeth.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not having twins," she replied and forced a smile.

Juliet led her along to the maternity room.

"You must be nine months pregnant now," Laura chattered, so lightly, so breezily.

Juliet didn't bothering answering.

"I hope I don't end up that big," she continued as if that would be a fate worse than death.

Juliet clenched her jaw and proceeded to take Laura's blood pressure, pumping up the cuff far tighter than needed to be making Laura wince.

"It's not all that bad," she replied nonchalantly, "comes in handy at times, like a coffee table to rest things on."

Laura didn't seem to get it. Juliet wrote down Laura's blood pressure on her chart and bit down on her lip. The sooner this was over the better. She rushed through the various tests, quicker than normal, finally getting Laura to give a pee sample, the last test.

"What are you and Jim planning tonight for New Year's Eve?" Laura asked as Juliet watched the urine stick for an outcome.

"We're just having a quiet night, I'm not much in the mood for a party," she replied, pushing a strand of her out of her eyes, feeling hot and sticky. She was lucky if she could stay awake past ten at night.

What was wrong with this stick? Why was it taking so long?

"Rob and I are going to the party," Laura continued.

Even better reason for her not to go, Juliet thought mutedly.

"I got a new dress, luckily I still fit into it," Laura smirked.

Juliet felt like smacking her out and kept her eyes fixed on the urine sample. Finally a result.

She turned to Laura and forced another smile.

"Looks like it's all going good for you and the baby," she said, with relief.

Now she could get rid of the bitch.

"You're free to go."

Laura stood up, brushed her jeans with her hands as if there were imaginary crumbs there, or maybe she just wanted to show off her slim legs.

Juliet opened the door for her and Laura casually strolled out.

"So how's Jim?" she asked.

"Great."

"I saw him yesterday," she continued, "and I couldn't believe how much he's let himself go since being with you, looks like marriage isn't so good for the waist line," she sniggered, "and to think he had this hot physique once, so much for ..."

Juliet's hand reached out on its own accord and smacked Laura across the face. It was the last straw.

Laura brought a hand up to her cheeks her eyes widening with shock.

"How dare you," she gasped and before Juliet has a chance to see it coming Laura's fist connected with her cheek bone. It hurt, a lot and then Juliet punched back. It felt so good to release all the pent up frustration. Here they were two pregnant ladies fighting and the rational part of her brain is telling her to back up, this was stupid but her emotions were already way out of control.

"Ladies! Ladies!" Derek admonished pulling them off each other.

He looked horrified and shocked that she, Juliet, was capable of this.

Juliet swallowed and Laura started crying.

"I'm telling Horace about this," she sniffed, giving Juliet an angry glance.

"It's alright Laura, I'm sure all of this is just a misunderstanding right?" Derek demanded as he turned to look at Juliet.

She averted her gaze and just shrugged. She wasn't going to apologise.

"Juliet?" he insisted.

"I have nothing to say," she muttered and stalked away, locking herself in her office.

Five minutes have passed and she has started to calm down. She shut her eyes and inwardly groaned. What was she thinking? How could she over-react like that?

Derek knocked on the door, she didn't answer, the door opened and he poked his head around.

"Juliet?"

Juliet rubbed her forehead with her hand, which is kind of shaking.

"What was all that about?" he continued, stepping into her office.

She glanced up at him.

"Just putting the bitch in her place."

He gave her an exasperated look. She sees the disappointment there too.

"You are a professional," he stated.

"I'm also human."

Screw this. She got up off the chair, her head is aching. She just wants to go home, curl up in bed and forget this day ever happened.

"What if she goes to Horace and complains? What if you lose your job?"

She shrugged. "I don't care."

She averted her gaze from his and despite her words she does care. "I'm going home."

She left the office and a speechless Derek behind her.

* * *

An hour later she is sitting at the table crying, cursing the pregnancy hormones. One minute she was angry, the next a blithering mess. James came home to find her like this.

"What's wrong?" he asks, looking concerned.

She looks up at him through the tears and hastily swipes at them.

"I-I got in a fight."

He blinks, shakes his head.

"No way."

He walks over to her, slowly, looking unsure.

"You're seven months pregnant how could you get in a fight?" he continues, scratching his head. "You're joshing me right?"

She stands up to face him, pointing to her right eye. He puts a hand under her chin, his eyes searching her face and she sees the worry there.

"Son of a bitch," he mutters, "how the hell did you get in a fight and with who?"

His eyes are questioning, demanding.

She swallows. "Laura."

He frowns.

"Your ex," she emphasises.

His face reddens slightly, "oh her."

"Yeah her."

He rubs a thumb over her sore cheek.

"Looks like ya gonna end up with a black eye."

Great just what she didn't need, now everyone was going to ask questions.

"Why'd ya get in a fight with her?"

"I just had enough of the insults and it just happened, I slapped her across the face."

James grins. "Ya too feisty Blondie."

But she knows he likes this about her.

"She punched me back and then it just happened."

A serious look crosses his face, his eyes meeting with hers, she sees the concern there.

"So why are you crying?" he asks, his voice soft and tender.

"I-I don't know," she sniffs, "I'm just a mess."

She half laughs, hiccups, more tears.

"Come here," he begins, sitting down and pulling her on to his lap, enfolding her in his arms.

"It's alright," he murmurs soothingly, "you're my mess, I don't mind."

She melts into his arms.

"What kind of mother am I going to make?" she asks burrowing her face in his shoulder, wanting reassurance.

"The best kind," he says stroking her hair, "I know you Jules."

Whatever he does it works and she feels comforted. He draws back to look at her, a slight frown crossing his forehead. She smooths out the lines on his face with her fingers. She loves him more than ever.

"Just promise me no more fights," he murmurs tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm probably not going to have a job after today," she states, "Laura is going to tell Horace."

"I'll talk to Horace, you won't lose ya job."

He had a lot more weight of power than Laura.

* * *

Later that day Juliet peered at her reflection in the mirror. She definitely had a very noticeable black eye and tried to conceal it with makeup which wasn't really working. She sighed in frustration. It just wasn't like her to lose her temper so easily. Gossip spread fast in a small community like this. By the end of the night everyone would know about the fight and Laura's version of it. Juliet closed her eyes.

Just great.

She couldn't undo what was now done. At least she could hide away in the house for tonight. She would have to face Miles and Jin but that was okay, they were like family and Miles was bound to make some remark. She knew how to handle Miles.

* * *

Miles grabbed the pizza and made his way to James and Juliet's house. He pushed the door open.

"I'm here," he called out putting the pizza boxes on the table and heading for the kitchen.

Horace had built a pizza oven and every Friday night it was a special occasion in Dharmaville. Miles favourite night of the week. He yanked the fridge door open and grabbed a can of beer. That's one thing he could rely on Jim to do, stock up on the beer. Juliet walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Juliet," he says glancing her way.

Poor girl, she looks really pregnant now. Miles was glad it wasn't him, glad he wasn't a woman. If he were he'd never have a kid. He was sure that if it was left to men to have the babies the general population would diminishes at a rapid rate.

"Hi Miles," she smiled in that sweet way and then he noticed her eye.

"Hey I heard about the fight."

She looks startled. "How?"

"Barbara told me."

She's still looking put out.

"Don't sweat it Jules, you know how gossip travels."

She mumbled something incoherent under her breath and switched the kettle on.

"Barbara was really happy about it, said it was about time someone thumped her, she hates Laura as much as you," he continued.

"Is she coming tonight?"

"Nah, maybe later, she wants to party for a while."

Barbara was a party girl, sometimes he liked it and sometimes he didn't and found himself wishing she was a bit more settled like Juliet.

"Where's Jim?" he asked moving over to the table and opening one of the pizza boxes.

He was starving.

"He was in the shower last I checked," Juliet replied pouring herself a coffee.

Miles sat down and grabbed a slice of pizza. Life was currently very good. His relationship with Barbara to date had been happy and they'd so far lasted two months, almost a mile stone for him.

"You started on the pizza already," James said in passing.

"Yeah thought I should make a start before you got here and ate it all," he returned.

James went up to Juliet and placed his hands on her waist before rubbing her arms, looking at her lovingly.

"You feeling better?"

She nodded.

He gave her a lingering kiss on the lips.

Miles rolled his eyes. These two were pathetic.

"It's not your honeymoon anymore," he said over his shoulder.

They break apart and Juliet joins him at the table with her cup of coffee.

"So Juliet," he begins leaning forward, "what's your new year resolution? To be unpregnant."

"That's a start."

"Look on the bright side the belly comes in handy as a second table almost."

And she was doing just that, resting her cup on her belly. She blushed and set the cup on the table. James took a seat opposite her and reached for a slice of pizza. Miles glanced at him.

"And you get to lose your belly soon whereas Jim's stuck with his."

Miles takes a swig of beer, a mischievous look crossing his face.

Juliet hides a smile.

"So I guess your new year's resolution is to lose 20 pounds hey Jim," he smirked.

"Ha, ha," James returned dryly, "and I guess yours is to convince Horace to get in a batch of Ashley Martin's latest hair loss treatment."

Juliet rolls her eyes. What was it with these two? Miles always managed to find a way to take the piss out of James and James has recently discovered a way to get back at him. Miles just leans back in his chair and looks at Jim lazily.

"Seriously man have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately."

Now Miles was getting meaner. He was touchy about the whole hair loss thing.

"And that shirt you're wearing is straining against the size of your girth."

James looks down at his shirt and Miles smiles. James glares at him.

"I don't care," he says before taking a swig of beer, a defiant look in his eyes.

He says that but Juliet knows he won't wear that shirt again. She liked the shirt, it brought out the colour of his eyes. Drat Miles.

"He's just having you on James, the shirt looks good on you," she says.

"It's about time you took of those rose coloured glasses," Miles remarked.

Now she glares at him, her tolerance still low. He gives her a sheepish look.

The hours pass by. They were getting drunker and it wasn't even midnight yet. Juliet was ready for bed. She wasn't going to last till midnight. They had been playing polka but she had already lost all of her chocolate and declared herself out of the game. Miles, Jin and James were still going at it but it wasn't looking good for either Jin or James. Miles had a nice pile happening, chocolate, six bottles of James' merlot.

Jin threw his cards down.

"That's it I'm out," he said, folding his arms.

"Me too, I ain't got nothing left to bet with and ya got my good bottle of Scotch," James muttered, looking unhappy.

"C'mon I'm sure you can find something else," Miles insisted.

James narrowed his eyes. "Why so you can score it for yourself."

"You won't be able to get any chocolate, there is none left in all of Dharmaville and the next sub's not due in for another month, you going to deprive your pregnant wife here?"

"I'll survive," Juliet said, wanting to end this stupid polka game.

"I'm sure you can find something," Miles insisted.

"You got it all Enos."

Miles looks him over for a moment, his face suddenly brightening.

"I got an idea."

Why did Juliet get the feeling she wasn't going to like this?

James frowned. "What?"

"If you win you get back everything, chocolate, your red wine and scotch, but if you lose you have to get a mullet."

James laughed. "Ya knob head it ain't even in fashion till the 80's."

Miles smiled, "Exactly."

James poured a generous amount of bourbon in his glass. Juliet bit her lip to stop herself saying anything. She didn't want to nag him but at this rate he was going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.

"Paul McCartney has a mullet," she said instead, thoughtfully.

James seemed to like this thought.

"Alright then the bet is on," James agreed turning to Miles, "shuffle the cards."

Juliet shook her head.

"Uh James," she begins tugging on his shirt sleeve, "you sure about this, you haven't exactly had good luck tonight, maybe you should think this through first."

"It'll be alright Blondie," he reassured, "I can win the chocolate back for yer."

She raised an eyebrow.

"For me or you?"

"Well I wouldn't mind getting my liquor back and it's just hair, it'll grow back."

"Alright just say I didn't warn you."

"There's one condition," Miles piped up as he shuffled the cards, giving James a sly look, "you've got to leave it like that for six months."

Jin shook his head. "Don't do it James."

James ignored him. "Alright then."

Miles smiled, "and on your 40th you have to wear flared pants."

"I ain't having a 40th," James snorted.

Miles gave an incredulous look.

"You have to have a 40th," he stated.

"Why?" James frowned.

"Because it's to celebrate the beginning of being middle aged," Miles smirked. "Glad you and not me."

Juliet starts yawning. "I've got to go to bed."

"Ya can't hold out?"

She shook her head. "I'm beat."

He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Don't worry I'll get the chocolate back."

She already knows Miles will win and James will have to get a mullet. She also knows that when he's half drunk there was no talking him out of anything. He looks sort of sexy in this happy half sloshed state.

"Happy new year babe," she murmured.

* * *

Juliet wakes up when he crawls into bed a few hours later.

"Did you get the chocolate back?" she asks sleepily and is greeted with silence.

She takes that as a no.

"So not only did you give away all of our chocolate, your red wine and precious bottle of scotch you also have to cut your hair into a mullet and leave it that way for the next six months," she stated, slightly amused. When would James ever learn not to bet with Miles?

"Bloody Miles," he muttered into the pillow.

**

* * *

****A/N: This is what happens when you write holed up in a warm sweaty car for 10 hours with nagging children and staring out the window at miles of endless treeless red earth. Lol. But it was fun and I was bored.**

**Please review if you like.**

**Suggestions always welcomed too.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy. Many thanks to Tia8206 for her suggestions, which I won't mention here as it'll give away what happens in this chapter. **

* * *

**Chapter 7. The Bet**

James rolls over in bed and feels for Juliet amongst the number of pillows he has to fight his way through just to reach her. She is not there. He opens one bleary eye a shaft of sunlight peeking through the curtain blinds him.

He falls out of bed.

"James?" Juliet calls from the kitchen.

"I'm okay," he calls back, getting to his feet and staggering to the bathroom now wishing he hadn't polished off the bottle of bourbon with Miles.

Jin had had the sensible approach of going home to bed whilst you could still find it. Then he remembers the stupid bet with Miles and groans. Never again, he vows. Stupid bet, stupid mullet. How the hell did Miles come up with these ideas? It was as if the guy got his kicks out of embarrassing him. Now he'd have to find some way to get back at him. Juliet was better at coming up with ideas like that. He was clueless. Fumbling for his toothbrush and toothpaste he stares critically at his reflection in the mirror. Right now he feels all of the nearly 40 years he'd be turning in a couple of weeks. The big 4 0, how did he reach it so quickly? Where did the time go? He'd lived half his life already. Well not that he could really have called it living before the island. Now he was living, now he was unbelievably content and happy. Being in love, and loved by someone in return was the most satisfying thing.

_But bad for the waistline,_ Miles had remarked the other day.

James hadn't noticed. The weight kind of crept up slowly but he notices now as he stands in front of the mirror in just his boxer shorts no thanks to Miles who was always taking the piss out of him about it. Hard to ignore it then when someone was always pointing it out ... bloody Miles.

Juliet walks into the bathroom.

"Hi there," she smiles, "how's the head?"

"Stuffed."

She gives him a sympathetic look taking the toothpaste out of his hand. "Hmm I could say I told you so," she begins, "but I didn't think it would do any good last night and now you have to get a mullet haircut," she pauses amused, "I'm looking forward to that," she continues a cheeky grin crossing her face.

"Yeah well laugh it up Blondie," he mutters

He could just see it now, everyone laughing at him, having a bloody mullet at 40, though he figured no one in the 70's would know what a mullet was, which made it even worse. He stares glumly back at his reflection. He was turning 40, getting fatter and would soon have some stupid haircut.

"Why are you staring at yourself?" Juliet asks with a mouthful of toothpaste.

He hesitates for a moment before glancing at her.

"You think I'm getting fat?"

"Of course not," she snorts and spat the toothpaste in the hand basin. "Least not yet," she continues rinsing her mouth with water.

What did she mean by that? He doesn't really feel reassured. She wipes her mouth and straightens up, her eyes meeting with his. He can see the amusement in them.

"Hmm but maybe you are starting to get a bit tubby," she teases, "but I don't mind the love handles," she continues and much to his chagrin pinches his side.

"Okay that's it, I'm going back to the gym," he mutters.

She laughs. "How many times have I heard that?"

"Ha, ha," he says sarcastically, "this time I'm serious."

He reaches for his t-shirt feeling awkward, self conscious.

"I didn't marry you for your looks anyway," she admits weaving her arms around him before he has a chance to slip the shirt on.

He looks down at her, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. She looks beautiful first thing in the morning, that sleepy look in her eyes. This tenderness towards her, surprises him.

"So what did ya marry me for?" he asks, his voice husky.

She smiles. "Hmm definitely for the foot massages."

And he marvels at how much he loves this person. How amazing this feeling is. Why had he waited so long to find it?

* * *

Miles rocked up straight after lunch. James was still pissed off with him.

"What you come here to gloat," he muttered from his spot on the couch, book in hand, glasses planted on his nose, legs resting on a foot cushion.

Miles sat down on the opposite couch. James at least got some satisfaction at seeing that the guy looked as bad as he felt.

"Just making sure you keep up your end of the bet," he said, a quick grin splitting his face.

James frowned.

"Yeah well it's new years day and no one is working, it'll have to wait til tomorrow," he stated, placing the book down on the couch and sitting up. The pain killers had begun to kick in now and his head was beginning to feel more normal.

"You forget that Barbara is a hair dresser," Miles said, leaning forward on the couch.

"How convenient," James remarked, dryly.

"I talked her into paying you a home visit and she's most curious about this mullet, says she hasn't heard of it before."

James wanted to wipe the smirk of Miles' face.

"I'm sure you'll be the talk of the New Year's Day party," he continued, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

That's if he went but then James remembered telling Horace that him and Juliet would go and he'd help out with cooking up the meat on the barbie. He really had no choice.

* * *

Barbara stands back to look at her handiwork.

"Is that how it's supposed to look," she frowns.

James is looking downright uncomfortable and Juliet feels a little sorry for him.

"Yeah you got it perfect," Miles grins.

"I can't believe that's considered a hairstyle," Barbara continues.

"Oh believe me it's going to be very popular soon."

Barbara just shrugs.

"The bet is done now, you had ya fun Miles," James mutters raking a hand through his hair.

Miles smile widens. "All you need now is a flannelette shirt and you'd pass for a bogan."

"Yeah, ha, ha."

James is brushing the hair of his legs looking most disgruntled.

"What's a bogan?" Barbara asks looking puzzled.

"Just an old inside joke," Miles replies.

Juliet saw Miles and Barbara out the door. James had stomped off somewhere. She finds him in the bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror and frowning. She leans against the door frame.

"Now I just look plain ridiculous," he gestures irritably at his hair.

"It's not that bad," she returns with a smile.

His frown deepens. "Why are you smiling then?"

She goes over to him, her eyes resting on his recently chopped hair.

"I haven't seen this hair style for a long while, it brings back memories," she admits, "you know I used to think it was so cool."

He manages a smile.

"And I don't think I've ever really seen your ears," she continues, touching the cropped ends of his hair, "or you with a fringe."

She tugs on his ears.

"It's kind of cute."

"Cute," he snorts. "Just remind me never to place a bet with Miles again, the bastard."

"I did try," she murmurs, rubbing her thumb over his bottom lip.

Now she is this close she can't pull away. She sees the passion smouldering in his eyes before he captures her mouth with his. She forgets everything else, only how this feels, being in his arms, his lips exploring hers, sensual, passionate.

"We can pretend we're 16 again," he murmurs in her hair.

"I don't remember being up the duff then," she returns smiling, "I always had my head buried in a book."

He pulls her closer, gazes into her eyes brushing her hair back from her face.

"I can just picture that, you being one of those prissy goody two shoes girls, hand always up whenever the teacher asks a question, getting straight A's," he teases, rubbing a thumb across her lips, "steering clear of the bad boys like me."

He smiles looking way too damn sexy.

"I don't remember going out with any bad boys," she manages her voice sounding husky, her lips tingling, her face flushing under his interested gaze.

"There's a first time for everything Blondie."

* * *

He got a lot of interesting looks at the party, both of them for that matter, him for his hair, her for the black eye. They made quite a pair.

Amy was the first one to run up to them.

"I can't believe what you did,' she exclaims, shaking Juliet's arm, "I wished I'd been there, oh what did it feel like?"

"It felt good," Juliet smiles.

"I bet it did," Amy returns her eyes then resting on him.

The smile left her face, she looks sort of shocked, speechless.

"I'm going to get a beer," he mutters.

It really doesn't get any better. Laura strolls past him and he feels better when he notices she'd obviously came off worse for wear in the fight. Yep that was his girl, Juliet, she could kick ass. Laura glares at him before noticing his hair then she smirks in a not nice smirking way.

"Nice haircut," she says, sarcastically, in passing.

He is just glad to crack open a beer before Horace finds him. Horace looks almost as equally startled as Amy had.

"That's um a rather interesting sort of haircut."

Stupid bet, fucking Miles he fumes.

Juliet takes nine months old baby Miles from Lara and goes in search of the now adult Miles. His face pales slightly when he sees the baby version of himself.

"Oh look," she coos to the baby, "there is you're grown up self."

"Now Juliet," Miles begins backing away slightly.

"You want to go to your Uncle Miles for a cuddle," she continues and smiles wickedly at Miles.

She just wants to see him squirm for a while for making James take on that stupid bet. She holds the baby out towards him and baby Miles reaches out his little arms towards big Miles.

"Aww look at that," she says, "how cute, you know I think I really like this little version of you."

Miles is already pressed up against the wall. Baby Miles begins to cry. Juliet holds him closer to her chest and he calms down clasping a strand of her hair in his chubby hand. Holding the baby, makes her clucky, the smell of talcum powder, the softness of the fine downy hair brushing against her chin. Makes her think of her own baby she'll soon get to hold. She kisses the top of his head.

"That's not playing fair Juliet," Miles mutters, running a hand through his hair, his face still pale.

"Hmm but neither did you really play fair last night taking advantage of half pissed James."

"Yeah well he's a grown man, no excuses there," Miles states.

Juliet has to accede that he is right.

"You know nothing will happen if you hold the baby," she says more kindly.

Miles squirms uneasily. "It's just too weird."

* * *

After a couple of days it's all old news. Laura acts as if nothing had ever happened. Juliet manages to keep her professional mask in place. James' 40th birthday looms closer.

He meets Jin at the gym determined to lose some weight before his 40th.

Jin smiled when he saw him. "You ready for this?"

"I guess," he returned, a bit uncertain.

He never had really liked gyms and longed for those days back in his 20's when he could eat what he liked and get away with it.

Jin patted him on the back.

"Don't worry I'll go easy on you."

Forty minutes later and James is thinking 'what ever happened to easy?' The guy was a slave driver, his lungs were about to explode. His fingers itched to press the button that would slow down the tread mill but male pride got the better of him. If Jin could go at this speed so could he.

Sweat was pouring of him and he was beginning to feel sick. He glanced at Jin out of the corner of his eye. Jin looked like he was taking a gentle stroll in the park. James gritted his teeth. It's too much, he's gonna throw up. He pressed the stop button and just about fell off the treadmill. Bending over he rests his hands on his knees, gasping for air.

"Had enough?" Jin asked lightly trying to hide a smile but it was there, James saw it.

He can't even get words past his lips and managed to nod his head.

"It gets easier," Jin grinned. "Same time tomorrow?"

That's if he's still alive after today. He managed another nod of his head.

* * *

Juliet looks at his red flushed face as he walks through the door. She is sitting at the table writing out a 'what must get for the baby' list.

"How was the gym?"

He looks a wreck.

"Great," he mutters and she doesn't miss hearing the sarcasm in his voice.

She can hear the tap running and he eventually joins her at the table, looking a fraction more composed, a large cold glass of water in his hand.

"Okay so I'm totally unfit," he mutters, glumly.

"It'll get better, don't push yourself too hard though," she says knowing her words were going to fall on deaf ears. He was a male and he had an ego.

He sculls down most of water in the glass, glances at her a slow smile crossing his face.

"But you wait by the time my 40th comes around I'm gonna be this lean fighting machine."

It's not the first time she's heard this. She gives him a sceptical look.

"Hmm it's only three weeks away I think you're going to be pushing it."

He raises the glass to his lips, gives her a lopsided grin. "Just you wait."

* * *

Miles entered the door with a very large box. Juliet gave him a curious look.

"What's in there?" she asked.

He just smiled. "It's a surprise, so where's Jim?"

Miles placed the box on the kitchen table.

"He's at the gym," she replied, moving to the table to have a look inside the box.

"So what's that two days in a row now?"

"Three actually."

Miles pushed the cardboard flat. "No peeking," he chided.

"Okay have your way then," she said, sitting down at the chair, folding her arms over her expanding belly, slightly annoyed.

He doesn't trust her and keeps a watchful eye on her as he goes to the fridge to get a beer, as if he lives here, which he pretty much does, much to Juliet's annoyance at times. She figured that now he had a girlfriend they would see less of him.

"I'll give him till the end of week," Miles saysd as he takes a seat at the table.

"I think he'll stick it out this time till his 40th," she puts in.

Miles sits back, crosses one leg over the other, flips the tab off the beer open and looks back at her.

"You want to put a wager on it?" he asks casually before taking a swig of beer.

Juliet frowns. Last time she placed a bet with Miles she had lost and had to clean his and Jin's house for a week.

"I think cleaning house is out of the question for me now," she states.

He smiles. "You get your chocolate back if you're right."

She gives him a guarded look. "And if I'm wrong?"

A thoughtful look crosses Miles face. "I'll think of something."

She narrows her eyes. She didn't trust him.

"No bets," she says firmly

James walks through the front door, face red from exertion, he still looks just as stuffed as he did first day.

"Jin working you too hard," Miles quips.

James glares at him. He still hadn't forgiven him yet. Was still grumbling about his hair.

"What are you doing here," he growls, wiping his face with a hand towel slung over his shoulder. "To gloat some more?"

"Nah."

James eyes fell on the box. "What's that?"

"A surprise," Juliet replies over her shoulder.

He takes a seat next her, smelling of Bo, she wriggles her nose.

"What kind of surprise?"

"Call it a peace offering," Miles begins, opening the box, "and a way to have some fun around here," he continues.

Juliet sees the eagerness on his face as he pulls out some old looking video game machine.

"The Atari 2600," he exclaims triumphantly.

James is squinting at it. "I remember these," he says.

"Yeah it would have been around your time," Miles smiles, "well before my day."

James scowls for a moment before shaking his head. He leans forward in his chair to have a closer look now that he isn't wearing his glasses.

"I never had one myself," he states "only the rich kids had them," he snorts his eyes falling on her suddenly flushed face.

She quickly looks away. He shakes his head.

"Don't tell me," he begins.

"Guilty just recently divorced parents were always buying me and my sister the latest as if that made up for them screwing us around," she quickly returns.

James leans back in his chair crossing his ankle over his knee, giving her a speculative look. She tilts her chin and gives him a slightly defiant look knowing that she would be hearing about this at some stage later down the track. He had a way of storing this sort of information and using it to either harass or tease her, or even find some associated nick name to call her.

"How old were you?" Miles asks, curiously as he picks up a pile of games.

"Um about 8 or 9."

"I can remember Donkey Kong," he continues, shuffling through the games, "hey here's one for you Jim," he continues flinging the game at him.

James catches it in his hands and peers down at it, just making the words out.

"Outlaw," he reads, chucking the game on the table, "ha, ha."

Juliet was now leaning over Miles shoulder.

"Oh that's one of my favourites," she exclaims.

"Fun with numbers," Miles reads out.

James and Miles exchange a look. Juliet didn't miss it.

"So I was a nerd," she states and snatches the game out of Miles hand.

She turns her back on both of them.

"Tell me that ain't true Blondie," James smiles, bemused, "because that's just sad."

She glares over her shoulder at him noticing the glimmer of a smile curving his lips.

"You stink James," she said abruptly wriggling her nose in disgust, "go have a shower."

* * *

Juliet stumbled to the kitchen to get a glass of water. James and Miles were still at it. She couldn't believe it.

"Do you realise what the time is?" she stated, glass of water in hand.

They didn't appear to hear her.

"It's two in the morning," she continued.

Still no answer and she can feel her annoyance growing.

"James!"

He turned to look at her.

"What'd ya say Blondie," he said before returning his attention to the screen.

She stands in front of the TV screen so they had no option but to look at her.

"What are you doing Juliet, I'm just about to whip his ass," Miles protested, giving her an indignant look.

"I'll whip your ass Miles if you don't get out of here and go home," she snarled.

Both men gave her a startled look. She was hell pissed now.

"Yeah it's getting late," Miles hastily said before getting up.

James gave her a sheepish look.

"It is getting late, hadn't noticed the time," he said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

"See you tomorrow Jim," Miles said on his way out the door, "night Juliet."

* * *

Juliet came home from work the next day to find them at it again. James and Miles playing that stupid Atari 2600 with its crappy games and she wished Miles had never brought it around. Jin is there as well.

"Not you too," she groaned.

She recognised the light in his eyes, her heart sank.

He was addicted.

"I thought you two were going to the gym," she said resenting that she would not have the house to herself for an hour or so, already missing the peace and quiet she could have had.

"Every muscle is sore, thought I'd have a day off," James replied over his shoulder, his gaze fixed on the screen.

No 'hi honey your home', no greeting kiss, no 'how was your day?'

She stomped down to the bedroom. Tried lying down but the noise coming from the lounge room made that impossible.

Dinner time came and went. She made herself a sandwich, stuff the guys. No doubt they would start thinking of food soon enough. James was bound to.

It was nearing 8.00pm and nothing. No mention of dinner, they hadn't even moved to grab a beer. Taking matters into her own hands Juliet pulled some left-over chicken out of the fridge put it on a plate and strategically sat right in front of them eating.

"Anymore of that Blondie?" James asked.

Finally his attention.

She smiled sweetly.

"That's the last of it."

"Come to think of it I'm starving," Miles exclaimed, he turned to Jin, "hey Jin we still have that left over curry."

"It's in the fridge," Jin replied his attention still taken up with the game.

"You want to get it?" Miles said.

"You get it," Jin returned.

"Cook some rice with it while you're at it," James suggested.

"Why me?" Miles complained. "I was the one who got the game."

Juliet smiled to herself, all this over some really bad graphics video game. How sad, she mused, how silly.

"I tell ya what why don't you two get dinner happening and let Juliet have a go," James continued.

"No, I don't want play," she begins.

"C'mon Jules don't be a stick in the mud, have a go, you never know you might even be okay at it."

_Might be okay at it!_

She frowned at him and that was all it took. She would show them.

"Okay."

"Alright that's the spirit," he grinned patting the seat next to him.

She sat down and he leaned over giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll go easy on ya."

* * *

She thrashes all of them at every game. Even in the Olympics game; pong, super pong, pong doubles, soccer and ice hockey.

Miles was glaring at James. "And you asked her to play."

She grinned. "Get over it Miles, you some mamby pamby sooky boy now."

James laughed. Miles folded his arms in annoyance.

"She won't beat us a Combat," James said, slotting the game in, "women are no good at these games."

"We are talking about Juliet here," Miles began, "I wouldn't count on it."

Miles was right. She beat them at that too and even James wasn't smiling anymore.

"Jeez Blondie," he muttered. "Is there anything you ain't good at?"

She smiles smugly and shrugs.

"Probably not."

Miles and Jin left. No one wanted to play Atari 2600 anymore. James had gone to have a shower. She can't help herself and quietly slips in 'Fun with Numbers.' It was just like old times.

"Sprung," came a voice and she just about jumped through the roof.

She spun around to see Miles grinning. She wanted to kill him!

"What are you doing here?" she demanded bringing a hand up to her heart. "You scared me."

"Sorry about that Jules, I did knock but no one answered, I just came back for the curry dish," he said, holding the dish up for to see.

She was tempted to break it over his head.

James was obviously still in the shower.

"By the way I know what your part of the bet can be," he continued quickly.

She frowned, hands on hips, still pissed off with him.

"I didn't agree to any bet."

He just smiled and knows her too well by now.

"You let me beat you at Atari," he suggested.

Juliet mulls it over and finds herself warming to the idea. James was a bit touchy about turning 40 and he'd been more self conscious of late, pointing out the grey hair which she could barely see before she had laughed at him and told him he was being vain.

"_Just you wait till you turn 40," he'd grumbled, put out._

Miles is watching her, looking hopeful.

"I'll bet that Jim doesn't last another week at the gym as opposed to you betting he'll last till his 40th birthday," he said, slowly, "if you win you get all your chocolate back and if you lose you have to let me beat you at Atari, at all the Atari games."

"Okay deal," she agreed and they shake hands.

His smile widened, a chuckle escaped his throat.

"I knew you'd come around, you can't help yourself anymore than I can."

She smiled in return. Miles was going to lose this time. She just knew it and she couldn't wait to see his face and rub it in.

* * *

**A/N: This was a lot of fun to write. Please review if you like and any suggestions are MOST welcome. Special thanks again Tia8206 for giving me the Atari video game idea and having Juliet beat the guys at it. I hope I did it justice. As for that disco party it's happening soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Read and enjoy!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8. The Party**

James shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way to the infirmary and Juliet.

"Hey Jim." Someone called and he turned to see Horace hurrying in his direction.

Just great. What now? Horace was panting by the time he caught up with him. Least he wasn't that unfit yet or as fat. Horace needed to join the gym. He had lasted a whole week. Juliet had been unusually supportive and encouraging of late with the whole gym thing. He couldn't understand it.

* * *

'_You said you didn't care how I looked,' he mumbled, pulling the pillow closer to himself and snuggling under the doona. He was tired, the gym could wait._

_She prodded him in the side, making him wince._

'_Oww what was that for?' he snapped glaring at her._

_She was sitting up in bed, hair all messy looking all cute and kind of irresistible and he reached out a hand, caressing her arm._

'_C'mon baby, chill out, come lie here next to me.'_

_But she was having none of it._

'_Jin will be waiting for you,' she said, folding her arms over her belly, which made him smile. _

'_What are you smirking at," she frowned, all defensive now._

_She was funny about the baby bump, always complaining that she's huge and going to have a freaking 10 pound baby or some such shit. _

'_Nothing, you look cute that's all.'_

_She was still frowning. He heaved himself into a sitting position and was about to reach for her but she was already out of bed._

'_Dammit Blondie where are ya going?'_

_She picked up his stinky gym t-shirt, wriggled up her nose and threw it at him._

'_You need to wash that thing.'_

_It does smell bad and he chucked it back on the ground._

'_I'll get a clean top," he grumbled getting out of bed now._

_Juliet had straightened herself to full height, hands on hips._

'_You going to leave that on the floor for me to pick up," she snapped._

'_I like watching you bend over,' he joked._

_She wasn't smiling._

'_Alright,' he grumbled picking the top up and shoving it in the laundry basket. 'Happy now.'_

'_You're already late for the gym and Jin ...' she began._

'_Lives at the gym,' he finished for her._

_He pulled his shorts on._

'_Anyway,' he frowned, 'why are ya so pushy with this gym thing all of a sudden?'_

'_I'm just trying to motivate you,' she smiled, so sweetly and innocently. 'You know the whole supportive wife thing.'_

_He's not sure what to make of it. _

* * *

James looked at Horace's flushed face.

"What'cha want Boss?" he asked.

"Miles said you're not having a 40th birthday," he exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief as if he'd committed the unthinkable.

Bloody Miles.

"It's your 40th, you have to have a party, it's the island rules," Horace persisted.

Screw the rules. "Since when?"

"Since I'm the boss and you're having a 40th Jim, I'm arranging it whether you like it or not."

Horace could be stubborn. James knew he had little choice. He'd look a right dick if he didn't show up at his own 40th.

"Yeah alright," he sighed.

* * *

Soon as Miles rocked up for monopoly night James confronted him at the door.

"Ya just had to say something to Horace didn't ya."

Miles smiled, patted him on the back.

"C'mon man it's your 40th and you don't want to be a stick in the mud, they'll be calling you a grumpy old man soon."

Miles made his way straight to the fridge. James followed. Juliet was sitting at the table shelling peas. Jin was making a special Korean meal that smelt too delicious and made his mouth water.

"I think you should have a disco party," Juliet suggested as he sat down next to her, pinching a few peas out of the bowl.

Miles eyes lit up as he flipped the tab off his can of beer.

"Hey yeah they're the in thing now," he exclaimed, "that'll be fun."

James wasn't thrilled. "Uh I don't think so," he said.

Juliet turned to him.

"It'll be fun James."

"No way I'm wearing platform shoes and flared pants," he snorted.

Miles gave an exasperated sigh. "Gee Jim you really have forgotten to have fun now your turning 40, maybe you should be turning 70."

James shrugged.

Miles pulled up a chair next to him.

"What if I end the bet," he suggested, "you don't have to keep the mullet for the next six months."

James folded his hands behind his head. Now they were getting somewhere.

"I don't mind it, gotten use to it," he returned.

He was feeling pleased with himself now, Miles was open to negotiation.

"How about the bottle of scotch," he continued.

Miles sighed. "Okay you can have the bottle of scotch back."

James glanced at him and can't hide the lingering smile.

"And half the chocolate."

Miles quickly glanced at Juliet. What was with that? What were these two brewing up now? He made a mental note to question her about it later.

"Alright," Miles muttered, "but you've got to do the whole disco thing, platform shoes, three piece suit and slicked back hair."

"I ain't slicking back my hair," he frowned.

"I'll give you back three bottles of red wine."

James mulled it over before nodding his head. "Okay you've got a deal."

* * *

Later that night Juliet was lying back on bed when James climbed into bed next to her looking pleased with himself.

"Why are you so happy?" she asked.

He looked at her, the smile still plastered on his face.

"Getting my stuff back," he replied, "I would have dressed up anyway."

"You were playing Miles?"

His smile widened. "Yep."

She was impressed. "That's smart."

"Yeah well it's known to happen from time," he replied and kissed her lightly on the lips before lying back on the bed.

Juliet lay down alongside him.

"And I get rid of this ridiculous haircut."

"I like it," she protested, "you're not going to cut it all off are you."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Shit yeah."

* * *

Miles dumped the chocolate on the bench. He didn't look happy.

"It's not the party yet," he protested.

"He's 40 today and the party is in three days," she returned.

"Alright," he muttered shoving his hands in his pocket. "Should have known the vain bastard would have stuck the gym out, I should have teased him less."

Juliet smiled and leaning forward she planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah thank's for that support Miles," she quipped.

* * *

Juliet was preparing dinner when James comes home.

"What is with all the chocolate?" he asked, draping his towel over the back of the chair, dropping a kiss on the back of her neck. "What are you trying to fatten me up? You all jealous now Blondie, now that I'm starting to look hot again."

His breath tickled her neck. She turned her head and gave him the once over, seeing the mischievous light in his eyes. Okay so he's hot but she's not about to let him know that.

"You scrub up alright for an old man but there is still a bit of this," she continued and went to pinch his side. Only there was nothing there anymore.

He just smirked.

Not fair. Stupid bet and now she had all this chocolate.

"You're holding it in?" she said, glaring.

"No I'm not," he protested.

She tried to tickle him. He moved away laughing.

"Control yourself woman."

Picking up a candy bar from the bench he waved it in her face.

"You still craving these," he teased and then he frowned.

"I didn't think a shipment of chocolate had come in yet?"

Juliet bit down on her lip and he looked at her, questioning.

"Miles and I had a bet," she mumbled.

"About what?" he asked, a frown crossing his face.

"Well he said you wouldn't last a week at the gym and I said you would make it to your 40th birthday."

He looked at her in disbelief and shook his head.

"You placed a bet on that! On me sticking it out at the gym?"

"Well it worked."

"And if it hadn't?"

"I'd let him beat me in all the Atari games."

James ran a hand through his hair. "The son of a bitch."

He glanced back at her in annoyance. "You're as bad as him."

She weaved her arms around his neck, planting little kisses there.

"Yeah but you still love me," she murmured in his hair, "and I don't bet silly things like dorky haircuts."

"It's not dorky anymore," he protested having had it cut short at the back the other week much to her disappointment.

'_I couldn't handle it anymore Juliet,' he'd stated when he'd come to see her at lunch, looking stressed, harried and shorn. 'It'll grow back.'_

His hair grew fast. His fringe was almost hanging in his eyes again. Besides she had bigger pressing issues to contend with, like what the hell was she going to wear to the party now she was the side of a house? No way was she wearing some unflattering tent dress. She had rummaged through what was left in her wardrobe, that fit her, and it came to her in a flash. Why not start her own pregnancy design clothing. She spent the whole day and night drawing up all these designs, searching for material at the clothing store and getting Amy to sew for her. One thing she never did get to learn.

"Every woman can sew, we had to do it at school but my mother taught me," Amy chattered as she looked at the designs.

Yeah maybe back in your day, Juliet mused, but not hers.

"She learnt it from her mother," Amy continued, "you know my mother was the best seamstress in our town."

Juliet just nodded, pretending to be very interested but not caring. She hated sewing, was always poking herself with needles.

"_Butter fingers," her grandmother used to say. _

Maybe that is what had put her off it in the first place. Every second Saturday afternoon spent at grandma's learning how to sew, her and Rachel. Of course Rachel's outfits always ending up so perfect and hers were ... well they weren't really all that discernible.

Juliet was happy with the final results. A soft white halter neck dress that kind of accentuated her breasts maybe more than she would have liked before flowing loosely around her body, reaching mid thigh length. Who said you couldn't look hot pregnant, she mused as she applied her makeup in the mirror, piled her hair on top of her head, loose curls tumbling over her shoulders. Now for the shoes. She looked down at them in her hand. Strappy looking things, maybe she should get James to put them on for her. She found him lying on the couch watching television, still in his overalls.

"What are you doing?" she demanded giving him a disbelieving look, "you should be getting ready for the party."

"Plenty of time," he said with a dismissive wave of the hand, "it's not as if I have to put on a whole face of makeup."

She walked over to the couch and he looked up at her and she didn't miss seeing the male appreciation in his eyes. She smiled, nervously.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

He slowly sat up his eyes wandering over her body before lingering on her breasts making her temperature shoot up 10 degrees.

"Holy shit Blondie you'll blind a man out with those knockers."

She looked down at her breasts and tried tugging the top part of the dress up.

"They're not that big are they?"

"They're huge," he exclaimed getting to his feet.

She looked up at him, seeing the amusement in his eyes. She narrowed her eyes. He pulled her into his arms.

"You look beautiful," he murmured catching a strand of hair in his hand, wrapping a loose curl around his fingers.

She just melted in his arms. But they didn't have all day and she remembered the shoes.

Pulling back she shoved them at him.

"Can you put these on for me?"

James looked down at them a dubious look crossing his face.

"You sure ya should wear these shoes?"

He was holding one of them up, inspecting it, frowning.

"Of course."

"Yeah but look how high the heels are ..." he began, glancing back at her, "and in case you hadn't noticed babe but you are eight months pregnant."

She gave him a quelling look.

"Eight and half months and I'm wearing these shoes James."

"Yeah alright don't get ya knickers in a knot," he muttered, "still think it's not very sensible."

He was still muttering about her being unpractical as he tried to figure out where the straps go.

"They cross over the top part of my foot and strap around the ankle," she advised.

"What if ya slip?" he demanded, glancing at her.

She can't believe he's going on so much about this?

"I won't slip."

He just raised an eyebrow. "Because you know you are a bit top heavy," he joked patting her belly and she smacks his hand away.

The dress just wouldn't look right with any other shoes.

Once he had finished putting them on for her, she got to her feet and walked around the lounge room.

"You see I can walk fine in these," she said doing a little twirl and just about tripping over the rug.

James caught her in his arms.

"You're a crazy woman," he muttered, his face softening.

* * *

He looked good. Too damn good and it wasn't fair when she felt like a beached whale. She couldn't take her eyes off him at the party, watching him chat with the guys. Everyone is dressed in disco clothing. It seemed so surreal, like she was stuck in a bad 70's movie, only it was real.

"Wow you look beautiful," Amy exclaimed, "I must say whoever sewed that dress knew what they were doing."

Juliet smiled at her.

"Yeah she's the best in all of Dharmaville."

This seemed to please Amy.

"Not long now," Amy continued, patting Juliet's belly. "Oh I can't wait to see the baby."

"You and me both."

It could be anywhere from three weeks to seven weeks depending on whether the baby decided to come two weeks earlier or two weeks later. She really hoped it wasn't the later. The aching hips at night were starting to get to her.

"Jim looks great as well, you wouldn't think he was 40, has he lost weight," Amy continued.

"He's been going to the gym," Juliet replied her eyes focused on him.

As if sensing her watching him he looked up at her and gave her a brief wave. She waved back.

Miles was already half pissed and she was surprised that James wasn't yet. He worried too much about her and knew that was the reason why.

Miles was now dancing rather outrageously on the dance floor, tying to impress Barbara. Juliet slipped her camera out of her bag and took some photos. These would look really good pinned up on the board in the recreation room. She was chuckling to herself, when James sidled up next to her.

"I can't wait to see those," he grinned.

"Why aren't you up there dancing?"

"I'm not pissed enough yet," he returned.

Juliet couldn't put her finger on it but she felt odd. The Braxton Hicks contractions had been happening for months but they seemed stronger and more frequent tonight of all nights. It was happening again and she clutched his hand.

"What is it?" he asked suddenly, looking alarmed.

"It's just another one of those Braxton hicks contractions."

"You sure because that's some strong grip ya have there."

She saw the concern in his eyes. She didn't want him worrying at his 40th party.

As for the ridiculous shoes, her feet were killing her.

"I have to take these shoes off," she muttered and finding a seat she slipped them off her feet and sighed in contentment.

"I told you not to wear them," James said and she glanced up at him.

"Okay so you were right."

He must have felt sorry for her and sitting down in the seat next to her he leant over and lifted one of her feet into his lap.

"James," she protested making sure her dress covered her thighs, "I don't think this is really the time or place ..."

His long supple fingers worked magic on her feet and she found herself inwardly moaning. It felt so good, what did it matter what anyone else thought? He was sweet. It still amazed her that beneath the tough facade he presented was this man with his warm generous heart. They never would have found each other if wasn't for the island. As much as she hated living in the 70's away from her sister, she wouldn't want to be without him.

"What are ya thinking Blondie?" he asked, his gaze fixed on her face.

Raising a hand she touched his face.

"I'm thinking about you," she murmured, "how lucky I am to have you."

His face went a tinge of red. She couldn't believe after all this time that he'd still blush whenever she paid him a compliment. Then, with a pang, she remembered his childhood. This broken but beautiful man, beneath his jadedness there deep down was himself, still intact, protected, who he really was lying there dormant, waiting to be awakened.

He peered at her from beneath his eyelashes.

"I think ya got that the wrong way around," he said with a shake of his head.

She wished for once that he would just take the compliment. Surely by now he could think himself worthwhile of her love?

"No I got it the right way around," she stated, emphatically.

He stopped massaging her feet and their eyes met, the warmth in his making her heart melt.

"Let's get out of here," he breathed, lowering her foot to the ground, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"B-But my shoes ..." she began.

He had already pulled her to feet.

"Don't worry about shoes," he grinned, "I like ya barefoot and pregnant."

She should smack him out for that comment, but that smile of his was just too irresistible and he was pulling her towards the door before she could say anything more.

"Oh no you don't," Miles said, stumbling there way, "you two are staying right here, no nooky for you, you can do that any night."

Now it was turn for Juliet's face to go red, the embarrassment. Too many pairs of eyes were on them, so much for slipping out unnoticed. She could imagine what they were all thinking; sex ... in your condition? She bit down on her lip.

"You have to dance first," Miles continued, oblivious to her discomfort, "c'mon Jules dance with me."

Was he out of his mind, she had no shoes on. No way! She gave James a desperate pleading look.

"I'll dance with ya then but Juliet ain't up to it," James said and she sighed in relief.

"You slip through the door I'll meet ya there soon," he whispered in her ear.

This seem to make Miles happy considering he was plastered by now. But Juliet couldn't help herself. She had to watch James dance and slipped behind a bookcase. It was so funny to watch and she snuck the camera out of her bag. He would kill her, ah but she couldn't help it. Whenever would she get the chance to see this again?

"Tsk, tsk," a voice spoke from behind startling her and she turned to see Jin.

"C'mon Jin this is going to be a favourite on that pin up board for months and I might even win the most funniest photo award."

"You're too competitive Juliet," he said with a shake of his head but he was smiling.

"You must admit this is hilarious," she smiled.

He chuckled. "Very."

She narrowed her eyes. "Why aren't you out there?"

"I'm not stupid."

Jin was way too smart and wise to get caught up in all the shenanigans.

"I hear it's your 40th next year ..." she began when a sharp sudden pain clutched her abdomen. Her voice faltered and she bended over, clutching onto the side of the bookshelf for support, almost dropping the camera.

Jin caught the camera and his face clouded with concern.

"What is wrong?"

It couldn't be labour, way too early Juliet reasoned. The pain subsided and she straightened up.

"I'm alright," she gasped, taking a deep breath.

Jin didn't look convinced.

"You should sit down," Jin suggested but she shook her head.

James said he'd meet her outside and maybe the cool night air would clear her head.

"I'll just get some fresh air."

Jin refused to leave her side and followed her outside. She took in several deep breaths of fresh air. All was okay now. Her hands rested on the top of her belly, the baby was moving, a reassuring sign. Sometimes it didn't seem real. Her about to have a baby, becoming a mother. There were times when she had vowed, _not her, it would never be her._ But here she was. She turned slightly and noticed the wistful look on Jin's face. Sometimes they forgot that Jin had lost Sun, that he had been here with them for the last three and half years, alone, on this island. In all that time she hadn't seen him go out with another woman. He must really miss Sun. Sun would have had their child, did he think of that? He never talked much about it. Only on the odd occasion, like Christmas and then she would find him apart from everyone else staring up at the sky and the millions of stars. And she would think how hard this must be for him.

"You miss her?" she spoke without meaning too.

He nodded, his eyes clouding with an emotion she couldn't describe. The thought of being apart from James didn't bear thinking about, to be alive but in different times, would be _hell. _Just the thought made her heart ache.

She lightly touched Jin's arm in a sympathetic gesture.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

Another sharp pain, so sudden, gripped low in her abdomen causing her to double over and gasp. It was stronger than the last, more intense but no sooner had it started when it stopped.

"Juliet," Jin exclaimed beside her, gripping her by the arm.

"I-It's okay," she stuttered, "could be nothing, a false labour."

Jin still looked worried. "I should go get James."

Juliet protested. "No he will be here soon enough, let him have some fun, I don't want to ruin his 40th."

"You sure?"

"Yes, let's walk for a bit."

They strolled around the play ground, through the gazebo, the contractions making her stop every five minutes. She counted how long they lasted for. They were regular maybe it wasn't a false labour, but she was still several weeks early, was it possible? She didn't want to get her hopes up, but then she was worried all the same. The baby was 36 weeks old, old enough to be born even if a few weeks early, it shouldn't be a problem, right? Even if she were in labour, it could go on for hours, maybe even peter out, no need to worry anyone yet and then the strangest sensation, like something rupturing. Clear fluid trickled down her legs, slowly at first before gathering momentum. She stood there stupefied.

Oh shit. Her waters were breaking. That wasn't a good sign ... then the cramps hit, more intense, causing her to cry out in pain and double over, scaring the hell out of Jin, his face pale in the darkness.

"I-I think," she gasped, "I think you better get James."

* * *

**A/N: I know not fair, how mean of me to end it there! Writing the birth scene could be tricky and I didn't know how long it would take which is why I ended it here. This chapter was already getting too long. No hard feelings, I hope. And I'm sure you would all like to know how Juliet and James fare after they have the baby. Let me know? **

**Cheers **

**Carol**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the great reviews last chapter, much appreciated and they always make my day. **

**The big moment has finally arrived. I got VERY clucky whilst writing this! Beware it is seriously mushy. Enjoy.**

**

* * *

****Chapter 9.**

Juliet gripped his hand so tight his fingers went numb. She was moaning, half whimpering and he felt awful, was sorry he ever got her pregnant now. What the hell had he been thinking? Sex should be banned.

"Hey baby," he soothed after the contraction had eased and she'd loosened her death grip on his hand. He pushed sweaty strands of hair back from her forehead, swallowing the lump in his throat, feeling useless. She turned that pain filled gaze to his and he wished it was all over but in reality it had only been a couple of hours.

"James if you tell me one more time that lots of women do this I swear I'll cut your balls off," she managed in a hoarse voice.

"I love it when ya talk dirty Blondie," he grinned.

She managed a smile before the next contraction struck and she was squeezing his fingers so tight it made him wince. Small consolation for what she was going through. God he just wanted this over and done with. He hated seeing her suffer like this.

She was panting now, between the contractions which were coming fast and furious, a good sign the nurse had said but it didn't look that way to him. He wiped her face with a sponge, spoke soothing words, caressed her face, all the good partner things he was meant to do to try and make it easier for her, except take the pain away that he couldn't do though he wished he could.

And another painful drawn out hour of this agony passed by.

"I'm too old for this shit," Juliet rasped, her breathing ragged.

James didn't know what to say because at present he couldn't seem to get anything right, better to just stroke her tangled hair and try to give a sympathetic look, which wasn't hard because from what he gathered it sucked being a woman.

"Promise me we won't ever do this again?" she whimpered, turning her tear streaked face to his. He wiped away a stray tear with his thumb, she was breaking his heart.

"Ya doing fine," he reassured, though he had no idea what fine was, she looked a wreck to him.

He was exhausted and he hadn't even done anything!

The clock struck at some ungodly hour of the morning. He'd long parted ways with the vest and platform shoes, leaving just socks on his feet and his hair standing up on end by now causing Juliet to smile crookedly in one of her more lucid moments before the ferocity of another contraction hit her followed by another meltdown.

"My dress is ruined," she cried looking most distressed.

How the hell could she think about a dress at a time like this?

"It's not as if ya gonna need it again," he replied thinking this would help.

It was obviously the wrong thing to say given her expression.

"It'll wash out," he hurriedly added.

The doctor entered the room.

"How is she going?" James heard him ask Patsy the midwife.

"She is 8cm dilated, everything is fine," Patsy replied.

James got up stiffly from the stool near Juliet's bed side.

"Hey doc how much longer is this gonna take?" he asked, wanting it to be over, then he could stop worrying so much. Stop seeing her suffer like this.

"It's only been six hours," the doctor replied, glancing at Juliet, "she's doing great."

Only six hours! How long were these things supposed to take?

"It's a bit like pot luck, the whole birth experience," the doctor went on to explain, "a lucky dip, you never know how it's going to go."

James didn't feel reassured. Fuck the lucky dip, what the hell did that mean? Did Juliet get the lucky draw?

"I think it's coming!" Juliet gasped suddenly scaring the shit out of him.

The doctor rushed over to her. "You can feel it?"

She nodded furiously, biting down on her lip.

"I think she's fully dilated," Patsy exclaimed, peering over the blanket covering Juliet's thighs.

There was nothing discrete or dignified in the birthing process, James grimaced. The doctor then had to make his own check, meanwhile Juliet was gripping him by the arm. He saw the fear in her eyes.

"Doc said you got the lucky dip," he murmured, pushing an errant strand of hair behind her ear, "you can do this Juliet, I believe in you."

Half an hour later after much hard pushing, screaming, tears and then a tiny squawk before a very loud one. Sweet relief crossed Juliet's tired face.

"It's here," she gasped lying back on the pillows looking spent but also strangely exhilarated.

James stood there rooted to the spot as the doctor held up this tiny pink baby, arms failing as it cried louder in protest at having been born.

"It's a girl," Patsy smiled, tears welling in her eyes as she wrapped a little blanket around the baby.

"Let me hold her," Juliet murmured and Patsy handed the baby to Juliet and it was the first time James saw his daughter. The baby stopped crying instantly.

It was the damndest thing, so tiny, so perfect, so beautiful this little human being, a part of both of them and he felt the tears trickle down his cheeks. Relief mingled with joy that he couldn't even begin to explain.

"Look at her James, isn't she exquisite?" Juliet gushed, tears streaming down her cheeks, looking radiantly beautiful.

He's speechless seeing the wonder of this, the strong emotions now swamping him, he managed to nod his head. Keep it together, he chided but the emotions were too overwhelming and the tears he couldn't control.

"James?" she began sounding bemused, "you alright?"

"I dunno," he got out in a choked voice before burying his face in the mattered mess that was now her hair sprawled out over her shoulder.

The baby had started crying again and he felt Juliet's hand stroke his hair, fuck but he was just a big baby himself snivelling away like this, hiding his face in her hair. So much for the strong macho man. He was an emotional wreck.

He raised his head and met Juliet's beautiful eyes, alight with a wonder he had never seen in them before. She caressed the planes of his face with her fingers, lovingly.

"This is our daughter," she said so softly, the awe in her voice.

"I-It is something else," he managed to get out in a choked voice.

"I love you," she breathed kissing his cheek, before capturing his mouth with hers.

He can taste the saltiness of her tears mingling with his own and an intense joy deep in his belly rises to the surface. He pulled back to gaze into her eyes.

"You're amazing ya know that?" he grinned, a laugh escaping his throat making her laugh, the intense emotional craziness of it all, these emotions so wonderful, so intense, something totally indescribable at the creation of this tiny life before them. Reaching out a finger he gently caressed their daughter's soft downy cheek. Nothing had ever felt so amazing. He touched her tightly clenched little fists, the fingers splayed open for a moment before tightening around his finger causing a lump to form in his throat. And those solemn looking eyes gazing around as if to say 'what is this, where am I?' She was strong for one so tiny, he watched her tug his finger towards her mouth and try to suckle on it, making these little snuffling noises before realising that his finger wasn't giving her what she needed and she let out a wail in protest.

"I think she is hungry," Patsy spoke breaking the spell.

It is an automatic thing really, Juliet mused, even though initially awkward, unbuttoning the hospital gown, holding the baby with the help of Patsy to her right breast. Feeling the baby suckle on her nipple was the strangest of sensations, yet nothing had felt so right. Nothing could replace this high. James was stroking the crescent tip of her hairline.

"Let's do it again soon," she sighed in contentment as the baby suckled.

He gave a lopsided grin. "Ya told me before to never let this happen again," he reminded her.

"I was out of my mind then," she replied smiling, smoothing the lines on his face with her one free hand.

He looked as worn out as she felt. How she loved him in that moment, she didn't think she could possibly love him anymore.

"I-I think," she murmured her voice cracking slightly, "I think we name her Mary after your mom."

His whole body went suddenly still and seeing the raw pain in his eyes brought fresh tears to hers. "That is what you want isn't it James?" she asked tentatively, stroking his arm.

He nodded as if unable to speak. She could tell he was fighting back the tears. His emotional display at their daughter's birth surprising her but touching her deeply too. This meant just as much to him as he did to her.

* * *

James left an exhausted Juliet and baby close to six in the morning. He felt as if he was on another planet, his extreme tiredness and the emotional exhaustion making him feel surreal. Had Juliet just given birth to their baby? A girl, a girl now called Mary after his own mother. Tears threatened again. Fuck but he was an emotional mess. How could he sleep after that? He was moving on autopilot straight to Jin and Miles' house, rapping on the front door. Jin was there in a flash startling James for a moment. An expectant look crossed his face.

"Well?" he asked.

"It's a girl, her name is Mary," James returned so quickly the words came out all jumbled.

A huge grin split Jin's face in half and next thing he knew Jin was hugging him.

"Congratulations," he exclaimed patting him on the back.

"Mother and daughter doing well?" he asked.

"They're doing great," James returned, relief etched in the lines of his face.

"This calls for a celebration," Jin said happily, searching for a bottle of scotch.

Miles was passed out on the couch. James shook his head. Typical. Jin returned with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. James raised an eyebrow.

"Bit early don't ya think?"

Jin poured a generous amount of whiskey and handed it to him.

"You're going to need it," he grinned.

Maybe Jin was right, a few good stiff drinks would help him sleep. He took a long swig, feeling it burn all the way down his oesophagus in a most satisfying way. Jin was still smiling and poured himself a generous amount of whisky as well.

"A toast," he said holding up his glass, "too a good life for baby Mary and parents."

James was touched, emotional sap that he presently was and held up his glass.

"To a good life," he said.

They clink glasses and he took another swig.

"Ya know Jin I never thought I'd end up a daddy," he spoke at length, "god but I ain't ever seen anything so amazing as that little baby."

He was getting all choked up about it again. Running a hand over his face he looked up to find Jin's eyes watching him.

"You make a good father, I know you."

Miles groaned from the couch and both James and Jin turned to look at him. He sat up looking pale, glancing in their direction.

"You two still at it?" he asked in disbelief.

James was just about to tell him when Miles pushed himself off the couch.

"I'm going to throw up," he moaned before staggering towards the toilet.

James looked back at Jin. "I'll let ya deal with Enos."

The whiskey was beginning to go to his head already. "And I seriously need some sleep."

* * *

Juliet didn't know how long she slept only that she was so warm and comfortable that she didn't want to move. She knew it would hurt soon as she did but some annoying person was shaking her and they wouldn't go away.

"Juliet," the voice more insistent and she opened one bleary eye to look at the offending person.

It was Patsy.

"You're baby is awake and she is hungry."

It only seemed like five minutes ago since she closed her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked, her voice husky, hoarse, licking her dry lips.

"It's nine in the morning," Pasty replied.

She had managed four hours sleep and felt like crap. Her fanny still felt like it was on fire it hurt so bad. The tearing was minimal, a few stitches, she was lucky according to Patsy who soon shared her own birth horror story of a 35 hour labour, over an hour of pushing then having to have 50 stitches to sew up the tears making Juliet's eyes water. But despite her state of exhaustion and the pain it had been some night. Any moment she was expecting to wake up and find it all a dream, but there was her daughter, wrapped up nice and tight in a bunny rug. The little face all scrunched up, red and grumpy, gnawing furiously on her little fist. Juliet was surprised by the sudden fierceness of the maternal possessiveness that overcame her. She was _hers._ Pushing herself up into a sitting position Juliet ignored the aches and pains as if she'd just spent a week in the ring with Mike Tyson. Patsy placed the baby in her arms and Mary instinctively quietened down gazing up somewhere in the vicinity of her face, almost cross-eyed causing Juliet to smile. She knew babies could only see around 20cm at this stage. Juliet unbuttoned her top and placed the baby strategically on her breast with some difficulty. It felt so awkward, trying to hold the baby right. Eventually she managed and the baby suckled a look of sweet contentment on its little face. Juliet couldn't tear her eyes away from this little being that James and herself had somehow created. She was so perfect, a patch of fair downy hair covering the top of her head, the little face much to adorable, the button nose, pouty lips, a crease in her brow as if assessing the world already, so like James. She lightly smooths out the frown on her daughter's forehead.

"She's a healthy 7 pound 12 ounces," Patsy announced, "a good weight considering she's a couple of weeks early and no breathing problems at all."

Juliet smiled up at Patsy.

"And I think she's going to be tall, she's 52cm in length."

Juliet gazed back down at the baby still in disbelief. All those months she had waited for this but nothing could have prepared her for the swamp of emotions now assailing her.

"So what is her middle name going to be?" Patsy asked as she pressed her fingers against the inside of Juliet's wrist checking her pulse.

"Maybe Rachel," she replied, "Mary Rachel LaFleur."

The name seemed to roll off her tongue. Perhaps Rachel wasn't the best name to accompany Mary but the two names had such special significance and it seemed fitting.

"Once you're done there you should have a shower and freshen up," Patsy suggested wrapping a cuff around her upper arm to check her blood pressure, "before Jim gets here, you'll want to look nice for him."

Hmm James she missed him already. He was probably fast asleep. He had been so patient last night, tender, caring, doing what he could to make it easier for her and the moment of Mary's birth had been incredibly special, seeing the emotion and tears in his eyes. Nothing could take away that moment they had shared together, nothing had ever been that meaningful, the moment so beautiful. A smile crossed her face just thinking about it.

* * *

The hot water was just what Juliet needed and she stood for ages under the flowing water as it streamed through her hair and down her aching body. How was it possible that it hurt so much, she blindly groped for the hair shampoo. Her legs felt like jelly and even shampooing her hair seemed too hard. She hastily applied the hair conditioner and was glad to get out of the shower needing to sit down but much to her dismay she suddenly realised she had no clothes to wear. Now what? Wrapping a towel around herself, hair still dripping she padded barefoot back to her bed, luckily no one else was in the infirmary that day. Mary was asleep in the crib and Patsy nowhere to be seen when the door burst open and James walked in. His eyes lit up when he saw her and without hesitation he waltzed straight up to her and captured her mouth in one long, warm, passionate heart stopping kiss.

"You got no idea how much I love ya," he murmured, his breath warm against her neck making her toes curl. He'd obviously just showered and she liked the fresh soap smell mingled with his spicy deodorant that was him. His hair was still damp, brushing against her fingers as she wove her hands around his neck.

The look in his eyes was both tender and loving and she clutched at his shirt to steady herself, she really needed to sit down. As if reading her mind he scooped her up into his arms and carried her back to her bed.

"James," she half laughed, "I weigh a tonne."

He just gave her a bemused look "hardly" and deposited her gently on the bed, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"You were amazing," he grinned, "I still can't get the joy on ya face out of my head."

She shivered despite his warm words.

"Ya cold baby?" he continued, his eyes scanning the crumpled bed and bedside table, "where's ya clothes?"

He turned his questioning gaze back to hers.

"You'll need to go back to the house and get me some," she returned her teeth clattering with cold now.

"Ya look like a drowned rat Blondie," he said in a gruff voice and grabbing another towel her rubbed her dripping hair dry before draping the towel across her shoulders. Still not convinced that was enough he grabbed a spare blanket from another hospital bed and wrapped that around her, followed by the doona on her bed till she felt like some Eskimo. She saw him hide a brief amused smiled at the sight she obviously presented.

"Ah but you look so cute like that," he grinned, "Ya warm enough now Blondie."

"I think so James," she replied dryly, she couldn't even move.

"Good I'll go get ya some clothes," he continued peering over the crib at the baby.

She watched mesmerised the play of emotions crossing his face from utter amazement to disbelief.

"She's something else hey," he murmured, his voice catching in his throat, his gaze meeting hers, "she's a beauty like her mom."

Juliet felt the colour creep into her cheeks, right now she felt more like something the cat had dragged in with her mattered wet hair, wrapped up in multi layers of fluff whether that be of a towel, blanket and doona, just like a big round cotton ball.

"What do ya wanna wear?" he asked.

"Just the usual," she sighed.

"Right dungarees coming up," he smiled before disappearing out the door.

* * *

It seemed like just about every able bodied person visited her that day in the infirmary bearing flowers and gifts making her head spin. Her face felt ready to crack with smiling so much and she had to rub her cheeks to make them feel normal again.

Miles didn't make it till later in the day, still looking pretty green.

"Hey Jim," he'd remarked looking at the baby asleep in her arms, "you actually got something right for a change."

James looked pleased with himself. "Yeah and I ain't the one with the hang over either, seems I got that right too."

"No need to get so cocky," Miles muttered before turning his attention back to Juliet, a wide grin crossing his face. "Don't you two make a pretty pair."

By the end of the day Juliet had had enough really and wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. She refused to stay at the infirmary, wanting to sleep in her own bed alongside James, needing to feel his arms around her.

"I'll be fine Patsy," she pleaded, "besides I'm just a couple of doors down from you and I feel good."

Though that wasn't entirely true she felt wasted and was coming down from the high.

Patsy relented and it was with great relief to go home, baby bundled up in her bunny rug. James had set up the crib beside the bed, done nothing but fuss over her as if she were some precious cargo. He'd attempted to make dinner, scrambled eggs on toast and bacon. She was starving, having a baby made the appetite kick in something fierce. She was already on her fourth piece of toast and James was just looking at her in that bemused way, pretty much like he had all day off and on.

"Taste alright huh?" he asked.

Both of them knowing he wasn't the best of cooks. She just nods, too hungry too care.

They were sitting at the table, she was beginning to feel semi normal again, though still exhausted. For a moment they sat in silence, the clock ticking on the wall, this there first night with the baby and it felt strange, like they were not quite sure what to do with themselves now.

"We're parents," James spoke at last, a look of disbelief crossing his face, "huh, it feels weird hey?"

He looked at her and she swallowed her toast.

"Yeah but good?"

He nodded vigorously.

"Definitely good."

* * *

James sat on the edge of the bed starting at the baby fast asleep in her crib, little hands half curled up in semi fists, clasping either side of her precious little face. He watched in fascination unable to tear his eyes away from this tiny person, a part of Juliet and him. It was the most amazing thing. Still blew him away.

"James," Juliet murmured sleepily, "you should come and sleep now before she wakes up."

He drags himself away from the baby and climbs into bed alongside Juliet, gathering her into his arms. She goes willingly, finding the warmth of his arms reassuring, comforting. He holds her like he never wants to let her go. She hears the steady rhythm of his heart against her cheek resting on his bare chest. He is stroking her hair from the top of her head down to the very ends in one long slow fluid movement, it is soothing.

"Do you believe it?" she whispers.

"Nah," he sighs, "I feel like I've strayed into a dream of someone else's life."

She lifts her head and looks at him.

"This is your life now."

He rubs a thumb over her lips, his gaze tender and warm.

"I wouldn't change it for anything," he gets out, his voice husky.

She snuggles up to him.

"I love you James," she murmurs her eyes closing as the exhaustion takes over.

He watches her eyelashes flutter against her pale cheeks and the love he has for her swamps him. She was amazing. She was _his._

"I'll take care of ya," he whispers, "you and Mary. You got no idea how much I love ya both."

Who would have thought, he muses, him, the ex-conman, sworn off love for life but finding it all the same and it being sweeter than anything he could have imagined.

He got lucky. And he knew it.

* * *

**A/N: I had the best time writing this chapter, a smile on my face the whole time. Yeah and it's mushy I know, sigh. I didn't have the heart to give Juliet too much of a hard time with giving birth. I didn't want to put all you single ladies off either, haha. I certainly didn't base her birth experience after my own but the outcome was just as amazing as what is written here or at least what I have tried to capture. Hmm but reality does hit you smack bang in the face a few days later! But I'll save that for the next chapter. I hoped you enjoyed it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I hadn't forgotten this story. I just needed some inspiration and thanks to Eyeon she supplied it for me. Happy reading. And yes it is still a bit mushy in parts and probably a bit silly too but I had lots of fun writing it.**

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* * *

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**Chapter 10.**

Juliet fell into James' arms exhausted. It was four in the morning. Finally she had managed to get the baby to fall asleep.

"Oh god, what have we done," she sighed.

James kissed her on the forehead. "You're great, the best ever," he murmured making her heart melt.

"I'm so tired," she moaned.

He stroked her hair, tenderly, before massaging her shoulders and back.

'Feeling better?" His breath warm against her neck.

She was so relaxed she could barely talk. Oh but he was good at this. What would she do without him, appreciated him more than ever now. Him, her and baby Mary, surviving the worst of it, getting by, a little family and she was happy despite the tiredness, despite the exhaustion. It was something else being a parent, scary but good too. Something she couldn't really describe.

Those first few weeks flew by in a blur. Juliet had been so blissfully happy that she just transcended this beauty. James would often find himself watching her, transfixed by the joy on her face, the tender way she held the baby. There were days when he couldn't get enough of watching her, at times wondering if this is how it was for his mother? Knowing deep down that his mother had loved him like Juliet loved baby Mary. He had been special once, fussed over, cooed to, held and nurtured. He knew this because he felt these things every time he looked down at Mary asleep in her bassinette. Marvelling at how amazing she was, this tiny little person; part him, part Juliet. He had also found a new appreciation for women. What they were capable off, incredibly selfless. Appreciated too, those moments spent snuggling up to Juliet, a new understanding between them, shared experiences of special moments with baby Mary, capturing all the milestone moments in photographs. Her first smile, just the other day, as if this was some miraculous achievement.

They were closer than ever. He didn't think that possible.

Some days he was exhausted, would find himself falling asleep at work when watching the monitors. Miles would make some glib remark, _you see that fire Jim, place is burning down to the ground and your just sleeping. _He'd wake up startled, Miles would laugh. James would tell him to piss off. But other days Miles wasn't so bad, kept it mild, more along the lines of _you look beat man. _He felt every bit of it too. Not that he was complaining, sort of, he just wanted some damn sleep. It'd been six weeks and they were still getting up every couple of hours. Mary seemed to sleep better during the day than at night, even better when one of them was holding her. Till the moment he or Juliet went to put her down in her bassinette and then she'd start crying again.

He could feel his eyes drooping now as he stared down at the recent security report. Miles was sitting next to him, throwing nuts in his mouth, looking bored.

"So you and Juliet – you two getting it back on yet?

James glared at him.

Miles popped another nut in his mouth. "Obviously not."

James removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. Sex. What was that again? Maybe if he could summon up the energy somehow. It had been weeks, hadn't it? Only managing to do it but a couple of times. He couldn't even remember the last time. That was bad right? He would have to remedy that, starting with tonight. Screw the damn security report.

"I'm going home," he said abruptly, pushing back on the chair, placing his glasses in his pocket.

Miles frowned. "How come you get to go home early?" he complained.

"Because I'm the boss," James replied over his shoulder.

Miles couldn't come up with a quick reply to that or maybe he did but James didn't care to hear it. He wasted no time in getting out the door, stopping by Mildred's garden on the way home and picking a yellow daisy, hoping Mildred didn't see him. She liked nothing better than doling out lectures to anyone who happened to so much as put a fingernail on her garden. _The old battleaxe_. Juliet always told him off when he called her that.

"She puts a lot of pride into that garden," she'd defend.

"Nah she just loves nagging and scolding because she ain't got nothing better to do with her time."

The old biddy wasn't around and he picked two flowers, getting stung on his finger by a bee in the process.

"Son of a bitch," he cursed, scrapping the sting out of his finger with his nail.

Fuck but he was allergic to bee stings. Could feel his finger begin to swell up already. Dammit. He quickly went home, dropped the flowers on the bench and opening the freezer reached for an ice pack. Cursing and inwardly swearing. God but it better not be as bad as the last time. Still hadn't forgotten it even though it was years ago. He was as sick as a dog for days and broke out in hives all over his body. His foot had swollen to twice its normal size and throbbed for at least two days straight but the hives had been worse, itching like crazy, driving him insane and they hung around _forever. _Weeks, if his memory was correct.

"Fuck, fuck."

"James!" Juliet reprimanded and he spun around, startled.

She was frowning, her hair tied back in a messy, sloppy ponytail. She must have just woken up. She still had that sleepy look which he loved. Her eyes fell to the icepack he'd wrapped around his hand.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I got stung by a bee."

"Oh is that all."

_Is that all!_

"Did you get the sting out?" she continued.

"Yeah."

"I should take a look."

Taking hold of his arm and smelling off talcum powder she led him over to the light by the kitchen window to get a better look.

Juliet took the icepack off his hand.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening before meeting with his.

His whole hand was beginning to swell now.

"I'm allergic to bee stings," he muttered.

Turning away she hurried over to the top cupboard. "You need some antihistamines."

"It won't make a difference," he said, watching her rummage through the cupboard.

She was standing on tip toes the short skirt she wore riding up her thighs. Sexy legs, so much for sex, damn. His hand was already throbbing. It was only a matter of time before the headache started.

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning around, a bottle of pills in her hand. "How bad a reaction do you have?"

"I was laid up in bed for a couple of days," he replied.

Disbelief crossed her face.

"What – that wasn't in my file," he commented, dryly.

She rolled her eyes. He still managed to bring up that damn file after all these years.

"You never told me." She opened the bottle and deposited two pills in her hand.

"I ain't never been stung by a bee on the island before."

She put the two pills in his good hand.

"Take them anyway it's better than nothing."

Reaching for a glass on the sink her eyes fell on the flowers. How sweet. Obviously that was how he got stung. She filled the glass with water.

"They from Mildred's garden?" she asked, a slow smile crossing her face.

"Yeah, I think she's training up an army of bees to protect her damn garden," he muttered.

Turning to face him she handed him the glass of water, her smile widening.

"Poor baby," she soothed, brushing a strand of hair back from his face. "You want to hope she didn't see you."

"Nah, otherwise she would have been out that door ..."

A sudden loud knock on the door startled the both of them. Their eyes met.

"Uh oh," James murmured.

Juliet moved over to the window and peered out. "It's Mildred," she hissed.

"Don't open the door," he hissed back.

Mildred knocked again, even louder this time.

"She'll wake the baby and so god help me James if that baby wakes up I'm going to lose it, it took me an hour to get her to go to sleep!"

"Pretend I'm not home."

"I know you're in there Jim," came Mildred's shrill voice.

James muttered under his breath. "Stupid old cow."

He was pissed off and his hand hurt like hell, he could feel a headache starting up. "I'll answer it," he mumbled, stomping over to the door and pulling it open.

Mildred stood there, hands on hips, eyes narrowed.

"I saw you pick flowers out of my garden," she accused.

"So ya did," he returned.

She appeared surprised for a moment, by his brashness.

"Well no one is to pick flowers from my garden."

"What are ya gonna do, arrest me?"

Mildred's mouth opened and then closed, then opened again like a goldfish. Juliet hid a smile. She could tell this was going to turn out ugly if she didn't intervene. James was not the most patient person, especially when in pain.

"Sorry about the flowers Mildred," she spoke as she approached the door, "James was just trying to cheer me up. It's been a rough couple of days."

Mildred's face softened slightly.

"I remember how hard it is those first few months," Mildred spoke, "you're looking a bit peaky too, maybe I should make you a nice casserole, give you a night off from cooking."

"That would be lovely of you Mildred."

"Not a problem dearie, I have a new low fat recipe that'll help you get back that nice slim waistline you used to have."

Juliet forced a smile to her lips. _Used to have!_

"So kind of you to think of that." Juliet had to force the words past her lips.

James suppressed a laugh by coughing. She poked an elbow into his side. He grimaced.

Mildred hadn't noticed because her eyes were now on James' hand.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked.

"I got stung by a bee," he muttered.

A look of triumphant crossed Mildred's face. "Well that'll teach you not to steal," she chided.

James looked ready to throttle her.

"I'll see you both later tonight with that casserole," Mildred continued and turned away, much to Juliet's relief.

She slammed the door shut, still fuming about the weight comment.

"Used to!" she exclaimed, "Used to have! Who does she think she is?"

"She's just a bitch don't worry about it," James said, stumbling in the direction of the couch.

Juliet looked at herself in the full length mirror near the hat stand. Was it that bad? That noticeable? She hadn't even thought about it, she'd been so caught up with the baby, so blissfully happy when she wasn't sleep deprived that losing the baby weight had been the last thing on her mind. She noticed now, now that Mildred had pointed it out. She eyed her waistline critically, she had been way to complacent, Mildred was right.

She stormed over to James, who was now lying back on the couch, rubbing his forehead.

"Do I look frumpy?" she demanded.

He just frowned. "What?"

"Look at me James, I still look like a frump."

He just looked at her as if she were crazy. "It's been just six weeks Juliet."

"So you are saying I am then."

_Women._ He wasn't having this conversation. Not when he couldn't even think straight, his headache having intensified. No matter what he said now it was bound to be wrong.

"Ya look fine."

She didn't look convinced. _No surprises there_.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"And ya being ridiculous," he pointed out.

Wrong thing to say but he was pissed himself now, his head throbbing as much as his hand.

She folded her arms across her chest, giving him the death stare.

"Aw hell I didn't take ya for being so vain," he continued.

She didn't look impressed with that either.

"I'm not vain," she protested.

"Then what are ya worried about?"

He had her there, could see her trying to come up with some snappy comeback but she was too slow off the mark these days. He put it down to her tiredness. She sat back on the coffee table, looking kind of rejected and sad.

"She's just a crazy old hag," he murmured in an attempt to make her feel better, "she can take her damn low-fat casserole and shove it up her ass or better still I'll just give it to Miles, he'll eat anything, he won't even know it's low-fat or that Mildred cooked it."

A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth.

"She'll probably poison it with her old witch medicine she got stashed away in her royal garden shed," he continued, "I ain't eating it, I wouldn't put it past her to poison me for taking a couple of flowers from her precious piddling garden."

Juliet let out a giggle. He smiled back.

"Come here." He reached out a hand. She took hold of it and he pulled her down on the couch, till she was laying half on top of him. He gazed into her eyes, running a thumb over her lips.

"You're beautiful."

She leant her head against his chest, hearing the steady rhythm of his heart beat. He was so sweet, even whilst suffering with his poor hand he had tried cheering her up. Lifting her head she gazed at his face. His eyes were shut but she could see the frown denting his forehead. He looked pale. She felt suddenly concerned. Just how bad a reaction did he have from bee stings?

She touched his forehead. His eyes opened.

"You alright?"

"I just have a headache, it's nothing."

It didn't look nothing to her. She felt worried now.

"It'll be alright." He reassured.

"I think I should take you to the infirmary just in case."

"In case of what?"

"In case you have an anaphylactic reaction."

He shook his head. "It'll be alright, I don't have that."

She brushed the hair out of his eyes with her fingers, her touch cool and soothing.

"The allergy can sometimes get worse each time you're stung."

Taking his swollen hand in hers she brought it up to her face to look at it more closely.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Any dizziness?"

"Only when I'm standing up."

She bit down on her lip.

"No tight feeling in the throat or chest?"

"No."

"What happened last time you got stung?" she continued.

"I had hives, right pain in the ass, I better not get that again."

A slight smile hovered at the corners of her mouth.

"It's no joke Juliet," he muttered, looking put out, "ya think I'll get it again."

"More than likely."

He didn't look happy. Hives was the least of her concern. She was worried by the headache and dizziness but knew she had no chance of getting him to that hospital. There was something else she could do to help him. Sitting up she pushed her hair out of her face.

"Where are you going?" He sounded bereft.

She smiled down at him. "I'm just going over to the infirmary to get something for you, just keep an ear out for Mary."

"What if she wakes up, I can't pick her up?"

"Just put the dummy in her mouth, I won't be long."

Juliet returned within ten minutes. James had fallen asleep on the couch. His hand looked worst. She bit down on her lip, felt for his pulse on the inside of his wrist. She could still feel the pulse beating there, that was a good sign at least. She gently shook him.

"James."

He groaned. "Just don't ask me to move," he mumbled.

"I'm just going to give you an injection," she said.

That got his attention, his eyes flew open.

"What?"

She hid a smile.

"It's just a little needle," she continued, holding it up.

His eyes widened. "That ain't little Blondie."

He hated needles.

"You need a shot of steroids, it'll help."

He frowned.

"What I'm not manly enough for ya?"

She grinned. "Roll over."

His frown deepened. "Why?"

"Because I need to give this in your butt."

Sighing James rolled over.

"Well ain't this just dandy and here I was thinking maybe we could have some sex tonight and all I end up with for my efforts is a bee sting and a jab in the butt," he muttered, sounding disgruntled.

"Wait until the hives come out," she added.

"You're not helping any here Blondie."

* * *

Sure enough when James woke up the next morning the hives had started to come out.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered, sitting up in bed and scowling down at his arms, now covered in hives.

He felt like shit all of that day, the headache lingered, his hand ached and itched at the same time. By the end of the day he was covered in those hives from head to foot.

"I've never seen hives so bad," Juliet remarked as she dabbed ointment on his back, "but at least they'll probably be gone by tomorrow."

"Don't bet on it," he'd muttered, knowing otherwise.

The next morning the hives were still just as bad but his headache was gone. He went back to work.

"Man you should be at home, look at you," Miles had remarked, "you look hideous," he continued with a smirk.

James didn't even bother to comment but by the end of the day he was so sick of hearing about it, so sick of everyone asking what had happened. To make matters worse the hives didn't look to be easing up over the next few days and every time he passed Mildred, she had that smug smile on her face that he longed to wipe off.

"I hate that woman," he'd muttered to Juliet come day five.

He was in a foul mood. Five days of continual itching. Least the swelling in his hand had started to go down.

"Poor baby," Juliet murmured, leaning towards him to kiss him on the lips. He felt somewhat consoled. Her eyes flittered over him before resting on his face.

"It doesn't look as bad."

It did. She was just being kind. Trying to make him feel better. He shook his head and opening the fridge he reached inside for a beer.

"By the way Mary's christening has been moved forward," Juliet spoke, leaning over the stove, and stirring a pot. "It's going to be on Saturday now."

"Saturday!" he remarked. "But that's only two days away."

"What's wrong with that?"

James flipped the top off the beer.

"I don't want to look like this on her christening day."

Juliet grabbed a spoon from the drawer.

"I look like some kind of freak."

She just shook her head and dipped the spoon into the saucepan.

"Says who?"

"Miles."

Juliet rolled her eyes and tasted the soup. It needed more salt.

"There will be photos and I'll have these hives on my face."

"It'll bring back memories," she smiled, teasingly.

He didn't look impressed. She raised an eyebrow.

"Gee James, I didn't know you could be so vain," she continued.

It felt good to throw that back in his face.

"Ha, ha," he returned, having remembered, a begrudging smile crossing his face.

"You're loving this ain't ya?"

Her smile widened. She wove her arms around his neck.

"I love you," she murmured, pressing her lips against his, least there were no hives there.

He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer towards himself, running his hands up her back, through her hair. "The worst thing is I still haven't been able to have sex."

Couldn't stand having anyone touch him but to hell with it. He was that desperate now he'd put up with the discomfort.

"Hmm well maybe we should" she breathed, her voice hoarse, "have sex now."

The world turning upside down as his hands moved from her shoulders to her waist, molding her body to his so tightly she could feel the beating of his heart. Starting with the hollow at the base of her neck and moving upwards James planted teasing little kisses over every inch of exposed skin, sending her crazy. Oh god but it had been ages. His mouth met with hers again, his tongue teasing, coaxing making her moan.

"There's always the couch, let's go there," she panted.

"Yeah, yeah, good idea," he replied, his voice husky.

They wasted no time, dispensing of clothes quickly.

"Least you don't have any hives on you're ..."

He silenced her with a kiss, ploughing his hands through her hair before lifting her up as she wrapped her legs around him. They fell back on the couch.

"We better make this quick," Juliet breathed, trying not to touch his skin too much, running her hands through his hair instead, "before Mary wakes up ..."

The words had no sooner left her mouth when a loud wail greeted their ears. Their eyes met and held in one long, silent, tortuous moment.

"Ya just had to say it didn't ya," James muttered, his head falling back on the sofa cushion.

"It won't hurt for her to cry for a bit," Juliet continued, "now where were we, hmm, I think I was just about to do this." She reached down her hand to touch him, her hand slipping inside his boxer shorts when another loud cry greeted their ears. Her head fell forward onto James' chest.

"No," she groaned. "Not now."

But the crying grew louder and they were both too tense now. Juliet dragged herself of James, searching for her clothes.

"We'll do it later," James said, looking as bitterly disappointed as she felt, "I'll go get Mary."

She watched him pull his jeans on, reach for his t-shirt and walk down to Mary's room. She sighed. They needed to go out just the two of them. And get someone to babysit Mary so they could get some time out. It had been seven weeks.

* * *

James picked up Mary out of her bassinette, the crying instantly stopping. Typical.

"You did this deliberately didn't ya?" he said.

She pulled her fist out of her mouth and gave him a beaming smile.

Seeing her smile like that always turned him into a big pile of mush. How can anything be that adorable? He then got a whiff of her nappy and screwed up his nose.

"Hey Juliet, she's done a stinker, ya gonna change her?"

No answer. He went to the door.

"Juliet," he called out.

"Finders keepers James," she called back.

"Damn," he hissed.

He gently placed Mary on the change mat.

"Ain't no putting anything over ya mom," he said to Mary, who was now looking at him very seriously, reminding him of Juliet.

"Not you too," he sighed with a shake of his head.

She shoved a fist in her mouth, a little frown on her face.

He didn't remember ever seeing Horace change a nappy. Had mentioned this to Juliet a few weeks back. _Men don't change nappies in the 70's._

She just gave him a patient look, smiled serenely_. Hmm I thinking of bringing in the feminist movement here._

He shook his head. _Yeah you do that Blondie._

He took the pins out of Mary's nappy pricking his finger. He was just about to say fuck but pulled himself up in time. Somehow he figured Juliet wouldn't be impressed if Mary's first word was fuck. He sucked on his thumb. Juliet hated the cloth nappies as much as him, was always pricking her fingers too.

_I hate the 70's_ she had muttered the other day _you know if we were living present day I would just go down to the store and buy disposable nappies. _Horace didn't believe in disposable nappies _unfortunately. _

Something in her disgruntled tone that day had caught his attention, making him wonder if she was happy here.

_You wanna leave?_

_Where would we go? What would we do? __No I'm happy_. He didn't quite believe her forced smile, knew something was bothering her but he didn't press it any further.

* * *

Juliet pulled the pillow over her head and groaned but the cries got louder. Not now. Surely it had only been two hours. She nudged James.

"You're turn," she muttered in the pillow.

He said something incomprehensible under his breath before resuming his snoring. What was the point? Dragging herself out of bed and bleary eyed she stumbled to the nursery and picked up Mary out of the bassinette. She was rewarded with the most adorable smile, cries instantly vanishing.

"Do you know what the time is?"

Mary just made that snuffling noise before sucking on her fingers.

"It's four in the morning and it's going to be your christening today, which means mommy wanted you to sleep till 6.00am so that she doesn't look a wreck."

But Mary was having none of it and sighing Juliet took her back to bed with her and started breast feeding. James still didn't stir, even with the soft glow of the light from the bedside light. How could he sleep through this? Great, so whilst he was going to look all dandy and refreshed she was going to look like a tired old hag. One look at Mary's very adorable face brought a smile to her mouth. Well she was stuffed but it was worth it, most days, except the nights, those she wouldn't mind having back. And a sex life too.

* * *

Later that morning she heard Mary cry. James got up this time. She pulled the pillow over her head and kept her eyes firmly shut. Too tired to get out of that bed, it was warm, she was comfortable, it was Mary's christening. _Shit. _Opening one bleary eye she peered at the clock, it was only seven she could lay here for another hour. James had closed the door to let her get some sleep. He could be so thoughtful sometimes. Next time she opened her eyes the clock read 8.30am. She sat up startled and shoved the covers aside. Why had James let her sleep this late? Grabbing her dressing gown she pulled it on and made her way to the living room. She could hear voices, children voices, and something else that was so familiar but she couldn't quite place it? That was odd. She pushed the door to the living room open and the sight that greeted her eyes made her smile. James had Mary secured safely on his lap, on the sofa in front of the television, a couple of cute young children were singing, big bird was dancing around in circles. She walked into the room, her mouth opening in disbelief.

"Is that Sesame Street?" she asked.

James turned and looked at her.

"Yeah," James replied, "I got Horace to get a tape of it, didn't want her to miss out."

"She's seven weeks old James."

"She loves it see."

Juliet walked over to them. The only thing Mary seemed interested in was gazing into James' face.

"She's too little yet," she continued, sitting down next to him. "She wouldn't even be able to see the television."

"Yeah but she can still heard the kids singing."

"You sure it's not just you that wants to watch it," she grinned, leaning into him, running a hand through his dishevelled hair. "You are after all a big sooky baby, like the other day when I gave you that needle."

He gave her an incredulous look. "It hurt!"

"If only the others at work knew what a big wuss you were behind closed doors," she smirked.

"Ha, ha, you having fun now."

"Forgotten what that was," she murmured, gazing into his eyes, "I'll have to try to refresh my memory."

She nibbled on his ear making him laugh. "Quit it, ya gonna corrupt the kid."

"She won't remember," Juliet smiled.

His eyes fell to her lips before kissing them, a soft lingering kiss.

"Hmm but I think the hives are starting to go away," she murmured, gazing into his face.

She would never tire looking at him, seeing the warmth in his beautiful eyes, even with hives. But why was he wearing glasses?

"What's with these?" she continued, removing his glasses. "Since when did you need glasses to see the TV set?"

"It's been blurry lately," he shrugged.

"You should get your eyes re-tested."

"It's just cause I'm tired."

His eyes fell back on her mouth before he captured her lips with his. Her hands wove around his neck.

"Maybe we could ask Amy to babysit one night," she murmured in his hair.

"Hmm that's about the best thing you've said all week."

She reluctantly pulled back, seeing the passion smouldering in his eyes.

"The sooner the better Blondie because I'm getting desperate here."

Mary started crying. He looked down at her. She had shoved a fist in her mouth and was sucking on it, a slow smile crossed James' face. When he looked at Mary like that she wanted to throw herself in his arms and hug him.

"I think she's hungry," he said, "Ya better take her."

He handed the baby to her. Juliet took the baby and began unbuttoning her top.

"I'll go get us some breakfast."

She watched him go. "Nothing too fattening James," she called after him.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled over his shoulder.

* * *

Juliet eyed her reflection in the mirror critically. She looked a wreck as she knew she would. Was there any point in trying to look nice? These nights were killing her. She slapped some foundation on and a bit off rouge to give her face colour, pulling the brush through her hair. Whilst it looked so shiny and luscious in the third trimester of her pregnancy it now simply looked drack. Guess all those hormones were gone. Pity the baby weight didn't disappear just as fast. That was taking its merry time! Since Mildred's comment the other week that's all she had been thinking about. She gave all the chocolate to Miles the other day, chucked out the salami that James was so fond off.

He hadn't been happy.

"What'd you do that for?"

"It's bad for you."

"So ya don't have to eat it."

He'd opened the pantry. "What happened to the biscuits?"

"I chucked them out too," she calmly replied.

He shut the pantry door and frowned at her. "Great," he muttered, "so what food is left in the house?"

She raised an eyebrow, hid a smile. "Carrots."

He shook his head contemptuously. "Unbelievable," he muttered, opening the fridge and reaching for a beer. "I really hate that woman," he muttered under his breath, "battleaxe."

He slammed the fridge door shut. Flipped the cap off the can of beer and looked at her.

"I'm thinking of your waist line," she stated.

"What mine or yours," he returned.

"Both, in case you hadn't noticed lately James but that weight you lost a couple of months ago is starting to creep back on."

He glared at her. "No it's not."

She gave a laugh. "Oh yes it is, what's this then?" She leaned forward and patted his tummy.

He moved away chagrined but she trapped him between the fridge and the bench.

"You see this," she exclaimed, pinching the side of his waist, "it's getting soft James."

"You are such a bitch," he muttered but she could see the amusement in his eyes.

"That's why you love me," she smiled up at him.

His face softened. "Beat's me why."

* * *

The christening went smoothly. Everyone was there, these occasions always so special in Dharmaville. Horace loved celebrating, any excuse for a shindig. He'd already arranged a BBQ after. Juliet would rather go home. She was tired and kind of sad. Since having Mary she found her thoughts drifting more and more to Rachel. How she wished she could share this moment with her. She couldn't explain the sudden homesickness that would assail her from time to time. James had found her crying on the couch two nights ago. Asked what was wrong.

_Sometimes I just want to go home_. But the words getting stuck in her throat. What was the point in saying them? They were stuck in the 70's, unless Daniel returned with some way to get them back to the future this was their reality. She had been on this island seven years. There was no getting off it. Sometimes she thought about taking the sub and just living back on the mainland, so what if it was the wrong era. But then she'd look at James and see how happy he was, how well he fitted in here. Him, the con man, nothing more than a scoundrel when he first came here, selfish, closed in. It was hard to believe this man she now knew was that person once. He'd come so far. She loved him so much but this ... this place ... some days she felt trapped. Some days she found herself longing for home, longing for her sister, longing to go back to her beloved research. She couldn't explain these things to James, because she knew he didn't long for the same things.

She glanced over at him chatting now with Horace, laughing, a beer in one hand, so at home.

"You sad Juliet," a voice spoke and she turned to face Jin.

She hadn't even heard him approach.

"I miss home," she admitted.

They exchanged a look, a shared understanding.

He nodded and sighed. "Me too."

Nothing more needed to be said, both knowing it was nothing more than wishful thinking.

Juliet looked away, over towards James. He glanced back at her, giving a brief warm smile. She smiled back.

"You think they'll come back?" Jin asked at length. "Locke and the others?"

"No," she sighed.

* * *

**A/N: I hope I haven't put any of you girls off from having a baby! **

**I****t's been a while since I last updated this, if you are still reading and would like me to write more (still have a couple of chapters in mind) please drop a line in the way of a review. **

**It would be really appreciated! Suggestions also very much welcomed.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Wow! It really has been a long time since I last uploaded a chapter on this story. And I bet you all thought I had forgotten this little fanfic story of mine! Well truth be told I had, almost, but not quite and I've recently rediscovered my muse of this one. **

**No angst, it's light hearted and it's fun. Happy reading! Oh and Eyeon this is definitely for you.**

* * *

**Chapter 11.**

_Life's a bitch._

Miles swore if Jim said that one more time he'd punch him out and enjoy it too. And what would he know about it? Prick was happily married to Juliet with a daughter, able to share trade secrets, someone who loved him.

Screw love. It always seemed to blow up in his face. Relationships were slim pickings around here.

He was seriously beginning to think it wasn't for him. And it wasn't natural, watching himself grow up. He'd often see himself running around the barracks now he was about two years old, his harried mother in tow. It was bizarre and he did but didn't like it, couldn't explain the weird sensation.

At this rate he was destined to end up some crusty old bachelor probably having conversations with his younger self. That had then got him thinking lately about ways in which they could get back to the future. He called it the _Back to the Future _project, lame he knew but what other way was there to describe it? He and Jin had been talking about it a lot lately but not with Jim. Jim was perfectly happy being the number one security chief of command, the bastard, with his doting wife on one arm. Well okay maybe doting was going a bit too far. Juliet often gave Jim stick about doing stuff around the house. Made him change nappies and shit like that, which most other men didn't do in the 70's. James would grumble but it always fell on deaf ears with Juliet. She would just give him that icy pointed look which made Miles snigger and Jim scowl before he would stomp off to get a beer out of the fridge. But Miles would spy him sweet talking to her later on, rubbing her shoulders and he would smirk to himself and think 'who just exactly had who' wrapped around their little finger.

Miles missed the internet, missed having money, the smell of it, going to the tavern, buying whatever he liked at the shops. It was fucking pointless bitching to Jim about it because Jim loved living here but what about the rest of them? Miles glanced at Jim who was writing down the 'end of shift' security report and another uneventful day. It had been like that for months and it was boring. He was sick of this job, sick of this island, sick of being here.

"Don't you ever think about getting out of here?" Miles stated.

"No." Jim didn't even glance up from the report. That pissed Miles off even more. He felt like pressing his buttons, getting a reaction.

"What about Juliet?" he continued.

He knew that Juliet often thought of home, the future, her sister and he also knew that Jim didn't like mentioning it.

James' pen stopped writing. He raised his eyes.

"They'll be back, we just gotta sit tight."

Miles had been hearing that one for far too long now. He was sick of the same old answer.

"It's been four and a half years Jim," he stated, folding his arms, leaning against the door frame.

Jim shrugged and it was times like this that Miles sort of even hated him.

"Maybe we should look at alternatives," he suggested.

James lowered the pen, gave him a steely eyed level look.

"Remember when they accidentally drilled too far into the lowest level wall at the orchid," he said, slowly, measuring his words, "remember what happened to the drill operator Robert? Ya really think we should be playing around with time?"

He had a point. Bastard.

"So we just sit tight and grow old," he muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

James leant back in his chair, placed his arms behind his head, stretching his back.

"We just gotta wait."

Miles shook his head. "You notice those streaks of grey in your hair lately Jim." Before turning on his heel and leaving the security room.

* * *

Miles words bothered James. He knew the guy had been restless for a while now, just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it or Jin's long face whenever he talked too much about Mary's latest achievements. But it was there. He'd even come home one lunch time to find Juliet snivelling in the bathroom. When he'd asked what was wrong she'd replied in a muffled voice something about it being Rachel's birthday. He hadn't known what to say?

Was he the only one happy here? Was that wrong? James caught his reflection in the mirror, stopped brushing his teeth and leaning closer he peered at his hair. Sure enough there were streaks of grey there at the temples.

"Son of a bitch!"

So what, he was 40 now, nearly 41, it was bound to happen eventually. And he had _a life _here. If they went back, if they could ever get back he'd still have Juliet and Mary. But he would have a criminal record too, if they went back to the future that was. And he knew all about Jin and Mile's _Back to the Future _project. He just pretended like he didn't because in the future he was a crook, just a nobody and what if they linked Frank Duckett's murder back to him?

He could go to fucking prison, for life and then well so much for ever having a life. Mary would grow up knowing her father was a murderer. He lowered his gaze, could never look himself in the eye when he thought of it, that word, him a _murderer. _

_So am I _Juliet would say.

_Yeah but you got pushed into it._

_And you were conned into it._

They'd glance at each other.

_Besides I only shot Pickett because it would mean I'd lost my only chance of getting off the island if he'd killed you and Kate_ she'd confess.

_Yeah well if ya hadn't I wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation with ya._

The irony, he mused his eyes meeting with his again in that reflected image, his image. He didn't have to despise himself so much here, could forget that other person he had been. And at least here his past couldn't catch up with him.

Hell he didn't even know why he was thinking about all of this. There was no way to get back to the future. End of story. No more discussions.

* * *

James watched Juliet neatly fold Mary's clothes into piles of tops, shorts and skirts. She had deft hands, graceful and practical. She wasn't one for nail polish or perfectly manicured finger nails. They were short, neat and well useful.

Her hair was tired back in a single plait. Mary was going through a hair pulling phase. Along with everything she got her little hands on went straight in the mouth.

She was especially fond of his glasses. He often found them slobbered all over. But he wouldn't change a thing. He would find himself staring at her for ages, amazed that anything so perfect could come from him. And at ten months she was crawling everywhere, was into everything.

He had a life, and a damn good one and so what if they were stuck here forever. Well they would have to get out before the purge in 1988. They didn't have to worry about that yet. It was still only 1978, Christmas just around the corner and 1979. They had years.

Was he being selfish wanting to stay?

Juliet looked up from the pile of clothes and frowned at him.

"Why are you watching me?"

He glanced at her face, trying to gauge her frame of mind.

"Do I need a reason?"

Juliet tilted her head to the side, studied him for a moment.

"So spit it out James."

"I love it when you ya talk that way," he grinned.

She shook her head and his face grew serious.

"Do ya miss it?" he finally blurted out.

A slight frown dented her smooth forehead. How was it she hardly had any lines?

"Miss what?"

"The future ... home?"

She gave him a funny look as if she couldn't quite believe he was even asking her this. Was he that bad?

"I thought this was our home," she returned slowly, the hint of sarcasm not going unnoticed by him.

He felt slightly annoyed by it.

"Well it's only temporary ..." he began.

Juliet stopped folding the clothes, gazed out a nearby window.

"Where do I even start," she sighed, "shopping," she continued ticking off a finger, "with a variety shops, so many shops you never have time to get to them all."

She looked back at him, ticked off another finger, "cappuccinos, catching a movie with a friend, television."

"We have television," James pointed out.

She glared at him. "But no television stations, only old VCR's and crappy 70's movies."

Her hands come to rest of her hips. She glanced back out the window to the cloudless sky. "And cold weather, I miss that, I want it to be so cold that I can snuggle up under a pile of doonas, stoke a fire in a fire place and someone who can cut hair!"

James eyes fell on Juliet's hair.

"Ya hair looks fine."

"I mean your hair!"

He opened his mouth, shut it again, felt a deep dull flush spread across his cheeks. It's obvious she hated it here.

"Gee I didn't think it was that bad here Blondie," he drawled.

She just shrugged. "You asked me James."

Silence followed. Obviously he really was the only one happy here.

"Well it's not as if there is anything we can do about it," she sighed, a brief sad unguarded expression crossing her face.

"Well we could catch the sub back to the mainland anytime ..." he began, feeling sorry for her, reaching out a hand to rub her arm.

"It wouldn't be the same," she returned quietly and went back to sorting the clothes.

"Still have television," he muttered.

"Crappy TV 70's drama," she shuddered.

* * *

Time passes _too quickly. _Mary takes her first steps at 13 months old. Jin and Miles seemed to have abandoned _The Back to the Future _project. Miles finds a girlfriend at long last. Jin teaches Korean at the school half a day a week. He runs fishing expeditions for any enthusiastic fishermen. Soon he has a loyal dedicated following.

Juliet has her 40th birthday. Mary turns two years old. Juliet falls pregnant again, develops a fetish for short bread biscuits.

And very much to everyone's surprise, Daniel Faraday returns to the island.

It was the summer of 1981.

* * *

Juliet was pottering around the kitchen making guacamole dip for the Trivial Pursuit night tonight. It was six in the evening. Monopoly had been replaced. They had been so excited when Trivial Pursuit came on the last sub. James had snatched it up. Nobody else knew what the hell it was anyway. This was one of her favourite games. So far she had kicked everyone's ass at it in the four times they had played it. She was the Trivial Pursuit Queen.

'_It must suck having such a smart wife," Miles had remarked the other day to James. 'Is there anything you can actually beat her at?"_

_James had just given him a disgruntled look, 'bound to find something one of these days.'_

James walked into the kitchen, clothes half wet. How was it every time he bathed Mary he ended up as wet as her? Mary tottered in after him, looking adorable in her Sesame Street pyjamas, her blonde white hair neatly brushed for a change instead of the tangled bird's nest it usually was. She followed James everywhere. She was a real regular daddy's girl and hard to believe she was two and half now.

'Maybe this one,' she'd told him last night, rubbing her bowling ball belly, 'will be a boy and then I can turn him into a mommy's boy.'

They were watching The Empire Strikes Back. 'Seen it hundred times," Miles had grumbled but it didn't stop him watching it with them now. 'And what's worst I was like 8 at the time,' he added.

Juliet had her feet resting on James' lap. She only had to give him a please _massage my feet_ look once and he'd wrap his long lean fingers around her feet and start kneading them.

Miles rolled his eyes, snorted in disgust, glanced at Juliet's stomach.

"Maybe you're going to give birth to a baby hippo," he remarked, tossing peanuts in his mouth.

Juliet glared at him. He just grinned back at her.

"What?" he returned in mock defence, "okay then you must be having twins."

James stopped massaging her feet, a worried look crossing his face as if this thought had never occurred to him. His eyes sought hers.

"That ain't possible right Blondie?"

She crossed her arms over the expanse of her belly suddenly feeling like ten ton Tessie.

"No," she snapped crossly.

James still didn't look convinced. "You sure girl ..." he began.

"Well gee I don't know James seeing as I am a fertility doctor and specialise in this sort of thing," she returned sarcastically.

"Alright keep ya hair on but well ya know you are kind of you know a bit bigger than last time."

Miles cringed and waited for the backlash. Shook his head _Jim, Jim, you still don't learn man_.

Was sure he could see steam coming out of her ears.

"Well I guess it's just going to be a bigger baby," she said calmly, much too calmly.

Miles needed to come up with a way to diffuse this tension.

"And look on the bright side," he stated, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "Jim looks almost as pregnant as you and he's not even having a baby so I don't what excuse he has."

Juliet hid a smile. James frowned and looked down at his mid riff.

"No I don't," he protested, glaring at Miles, "ya full of shit Miles."

Miles grinned widened. "You keep telling yourself that Jim."

"Why ain't ya out with curly locks?" James continued.

The smile left Miles' face, he averted his gaze, looked at his feet resting on the ottoman.

"We broke up."

Juliet sat up, concerned. "What? Why?"

Miles shrugged, didn't want to discuss it. It was the same old, just too _emotionally remote._ He'd heard it a dozen times, didn't know how to be any other way and it was hard, having to lie, having to pretend all the time. Jim and Juliet didn't get it. Fuck and he was 34 or was that 35?

* * *

Juliet felt James arms slide around her waist, his lips press against the nape of her neck.

"You're a million miles away Juliet, what'cha thinking about?"

"Nothing," she replied, only she was bored, bored of the same old routines, every day the same, nothing new, just the jungle, yellow dharma houses, daggy old jump suits. She turned to him suddenly.

"I feel like chips," she said.

He frowned, perplexed.

"Hot chips," she continued, "like the ones you deep fry and then smother in salt and Kentucky fried chicken."

James gave a lopsided grin. "Really? Ain't that kind of bad for the waist line?"

She rolled her eyes at him, shook her head. He really wasn't getting the point here, or rather ignoring it, as usual.

"I can do chips," he offered a funny deliberate half smile crossing his face.

Her eyes widened. "What?" He had to be having her on; it was some sort of trick?

He grinned looking far too pleased with himself.

"Yep the first ever automated deep fryer has hit these sandy shores," he said, "came out on the last sub." His smile widened. "And I'm sure it's only a matter of time before fried chicken will be on the menu."

Juliet blinked in disbelief.

"B-But how, who ordered it?"

He gave her a patient look. "I am from the South Blondie in case ya forgot."

She had. For some strange reason none of that seemed to matter here on the island, where you were from was kind of irrelevant.

James reached for the walkie talkie on the bench.

"Hey Bertha how's that deep fryer comin' along?"

Juliet gave him an incredulous look. Since when he was he so friendly with the kitchen ladies?

"Juliet has a hankerin' for chips ya reckon you could fry some up for her."

"Chippy, chippy," Mary called out from her high chair.

"Thanks sweetheart what would I do without ya."

Juliet blinked. He looked at her with that same silly grin on his face.

"Alright ya got chips Shirley Temple."

Not that again. "Shirley Temple?" she fumed.

"If ya good enough I'll buy ya a lollipop too." Then he had the audacity to tweak her nose. "Aww you look so cute like that," he smirked.

Juliet shut her mouth. Let him have his fun for now but she really should have known better than to let Amy talk her into that stupid hair perm. It was the latest thing, it was the 80's everyone was doing it and it was something different in this place where everything was so boringly uniform. But her hair ended up way curlier than she thought it would.

_It will drop soon _Amy had reassured her. That was a month ago.

James had found it highly amusing and called her every related curly haired nickname he could think off.

_Well what could one expect when it had a Dharma logo on it _she'd grumbled, nose put out of joint.

Everything had a Dharma logo on it, even the toothpaste tube. There was not one thing in the house that didn't. And with time she had gotten so use to it being that way that she no longer noticed. That was the saddest thing of all. Had she really now just become part of the furniture here? Had it been that long? Had it been nine years?

James turned away from her and lifted Mary out of the high chair.

"Ya want chips little girl?"

"Chippy, chippy," she lisped in that sweet little childish voice that often made Juliet go all gooey inside. Pathetic really. Just like watching James and Mary together and she would feel a stupid grin on her face. She could stand there and watch them all day and he was so surprisingly infinitely patient with her, unlike how he was with everyone else. When he scolded her he was firm but gentle and Mary had him eating out of her hands and she could put the water works on when she wanted. James was a sucker for that, hated seeing girls cry. He'd pick her up, comfort her.

_You are going to spoil her _she would chant.

It fell on deaf ears and well all in all James was a good father and it had surprised in a most pleasant way.

In the mornings he was the one that got up to her. Juliet would snuggle up under the doona and sleep, but it was getting harder to find a comfortable position with the size of her girth. She had taken to wearing his shirts.

_Looks better on you than me _he would comment. And hell would freeze over before she'd wear any of the maternity clothes that had recently arrived to the Dharmaville clothing store. Navy blue tent dresses with white collars and red bows. Ugh. They made her shudder.

The 80's were definitely here. Big poofy hair to go with big poofy dresses, flicks and layered hair was all the rage along with far too much blue eye shadow. And finally normal designer jeans, the only good thing, too bad she couldn't wear them.

Flares and platform shoes were out, Hawaiian shirts and moustaches were in.

_Ya think I should grow one Blondie? James had asked._

_Words were not necessary just one expression on her face said it all. Needless to say James never did grow one._

She had tried not to fall victim to the gaudy 80's look like the other women but found herself applying too much blue eye makeup on her eyelids for tonight. And shit she now had permed curly hair not to mention she was wearing leg warmers over her leggings but well leg warmers proved useful in that they alleviated the cramps she often got in her calf muscles and the leggings were so comfortable, unfortunately they were not quite in fashion yet.

She didn't care if she was committing a fashion atrocity.

James turned to face her, Mary in one arm and reached out a hand.

"Ya ready to go eat chips Blondie," he began then frowning, "how come your suddenly so tall?"

"Cherokees," she returned raising a foot in the air and showing of her shoe, "with three inch rubber heels."

She grinned at his disgruntled expression.

"What is it with you and high heel shoes and it's so 80's."

Juliet raised an eyebrow and glanced down at his feet.

"And wearing socks with sandals isn't?"

He gave her a sheepish look. "Yeah well my feet were cold."

* * *

They strolled across the compound towards the dining hall, her in a spandex skirt, leg warmers and James shirt than nearly reached her knees with her three inch high heeled Cherokees. It was a cloudless night, not quite dark, still dusk.

Mary seemed captivated by the sky and the colours there.

"Pretty," she cooed.

* * *

Bertha fused over them. Mary seemed spellbound by her cheery chubby red face. James put her in a high chair.

"Ya gonna love this baby girl," he said.

Bertha placed a large bowl of chips on the table in front of them.

Juliet couldn't believe her eyes. "Are they the real thing, not the oven baked ones?"

"Yep, bona fide legit chips bound to send ya cholesterol sky rocketing and possible get ya ending up as round as big Bertha."

Juliet shook her head and smiled amused. "You sure I'm not there yet?"

"Big Bertha," Mary began, clapping her hands, "big Bertha."

James' face suddenly went serious. "Shss, no Mary," he said hurriedly, pressing his finger against her lips.

Juliet giggled. "You really need to start thinking about what you say around her now."

James grimaced. "It's just Bertha cupcake."

Mary grinned cheekily. "Big Bertha!" she returned louder than before.

"Damn," James muttered, his face reddening slightly. He ran a hand through his hair and gave Juliet a perplexed look.

Juliet shrugged and started eating the chips. "She's your daughter."

He frowned, "Don't you mean ours?"

"Big Bertha!" Mary yelled again.

"No, no girl it's just Bertha," he enforced and glancing at the bowl of chips he grabbed one and handed it to her as a distraction, "look it's a chip."

Mary looked at it suspiciously. James took a bite of it.

"Hmm yummy." He ate the whole chip and picked up another one, Mary started squealing.

"My chippy!"

James handed her one.

"Say please."

She gave the sweetest smile making his heart melt, "please dada."

"Knock yourself out kid."

She took the chip from him, nibbled on it and her eyes lit up like Christmas lights on a tree.

"I think she likes them," James exclaimed turning to look at Juliet as if it was the most amazing thing ever.

Juliet rolled her eyes. Everything Mary did amazed him. "Of course James, who doesn't like chips?"

Bertha returned to the table carrying two cups on saucers placing one in front of Juliet then James.

Juliet peered down at the cup and could hardly believe her eyes.

"Is that what I think it is?"

James grinned. "Yep, it's a cappuccino."

He raised his cup to hers, looking happy and much too gorgeous. "I'm bringing civilization to craphole island." He clinked his cup against hers and took a mouthful before setting the cup back down on the table with a flourish. And it's moments like this that Juliet figured she loved him so much that she'd go wherever he went. She turned her face to his, leaned in closer towards him.

"Come here you," she murmured.

He leaned towards her and she captured his mouth with hers. He reached up and cupped her face, deepening the kiss.

"Me too! Me too!" Mary shrieked and Juliet reluctantly pulled back, gazing into his eyes.

"Thank you James," she breathed getting lost in the warmth of those beautiful eyes of his.

"Just wanted to make ya feel better, you've been kinda sad lately," he said slowly, thoughtfully, flicking a finger over her smooth cheek.

"As long as I'm with you I'm happy."

Placing a hand at the back of her neck, he pulled her closer to kiss her, his fingers disappearing into her hair. It was a soft kiss, unhurried, not insistent, just tender and far more meaningful. The sort of kiss he had only ever shared with her, no one else. And it wasn't just about sex. They had been together long enough now for it be so much more.

"Hey LaFleur!" he heard Miles yell from across the room, "you want to keep it for the bedroom your making the rest of feel like puking here."

James pulled away and glared in Miles direction. Damn stinking rotten timing and who the hell was that with him? He squinted at the skinny man walking alongside Miles with the scraggly brown hair and shifty eyes and he was familiar. But nah, no way, it couldn't be. He was in Ann Harbour, it had been six fucking years. What the hell was he doing back?

"You never guess who rocked up on the sub this evening," Miles said as he approached them.

"Daniel Faraday," Juliet gasped beside him.

Twitchy was back and James didn't know how he felt about that?

Juliet scrambled to her feet, greeted Daniel with a hug, he looked a little shell shocked. Surprise then shock registering on his face as he noticed her stomach.

"Whoa, look at you," he gasped, stepping back, eyes growing rounder, "y-your ... pregnant."

"Bright this one isn't he," James remarked in her ear as he reached out a hand to shake Daniel's.

"So what brings ya to this neck of the woods?" he asked but Faraday's eyes are fixed on Juliet's belly and it's starting to get a tad awkward.

"Ah you have seen a pregnant woman before haven't ya?" James stated.

Daniel's eyes flit to his.

"Is it yours?" he asked.

James frowned and a funny confused look crossed Juliet's face.

"Ah yeah ... why?"

What the hell was going on and why did Faraday look suddenly so freaked out? Faraday glanced in Mary's direction.

"Is she yours too?"

"Of course."

Faraday shut his eyes. "This ..." he stammered, opening his eyes and looking directly at Juliet and her belly again, "this is all wrong."

James ignored the sudden dread gnawing away at the pit of his stomach.

"What the hell ya mean Faraday?" he snapped.

Faraday gave him that half worried anxious look that always creeped James out.

"Where's Jack."

This was too much. James glanced at Juliet's equally confused expression.

"And Kate?"

Faraday's eyes scoured the hall. "Don't tell me they never came back?"

"Of course they didn't, why would they?" James got out.

Daniel shut his eyes again, shook his head slowly. "This isn't good," he kept muttering over and over, "so not good, bad, it's all wrong."

James eyes met with Miles. Miles shrugged gave James _he's gone loopy _finger to the head sign.

"Ya wanna tell us what the hell is goin' on twitchy?"

Daniel opened his eyes and look at them evenly and that creeped James out even more.

"We," he began, his eyes shifting to Juliet, then Miles, "you, all of us are not supposed to be here."

"Really no shit," James returned sarcastically, "hell it's only 1981 of course we're not!"

Daniel's face paled, he looked shell shocked all over again.

"What did you say?"

"Which part?"

Daniel held up a trembling hand. "The year, what year is it?"

"1981."

Daniel smacked his forehead with his hand.

"No! It's supposed to be 1977."

He had that half crazed look in his eyes again. "We've got to get out of here."

"Whoa hold on there a minute Danny boy, what do you mean?"

Daniel gave them an anxious look, started shaking his head again.

"We have to go back."

"Back to where?"

Daniel looked at him as if he was some ignoramus and that just pissed James off, despite the goose bumps suddenly popping up on his arms and neck.

He had a bad feeling about this.

"2007," Daniel stressed, "we have to go back to 2007."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry to end it there, it will continue I promise that is if you want me too? This story does have an end, I've just got to get there!

Ah the good ole 80's and bad hair perms. Jeez I miss it.

If you like please leave a review and yeah they really do make up writers very very happy.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Sorry it has taken me so long to upload the next chapter but I've been so busy! I currently have the work schedule from hell and it doesn't look set to improve for a couple more weeks so bear with me as I plough my way through piles upon piles of marking and students reports.

Many thanks for the all the reviews last chapter, they made my day! Keep them up, they really do give us writers a boost and I really could do with encouraging feedback at this moment in time.

There maybe some errors and I wanted this chapter to be longer and better but I figured if I don't upload it tonight, it'll probably be another week!

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 12.**

James paced. Juliet sipped her lemonade, her eyes flitting between him and Daniel, who sat on their couch trying to explain his latest time travel theory.

Was it possible? Did she dare hope? And that was the thing. To allow hope in ... could she? Did she want to chance the bitter disappointment again?

James didn't look impressed but no surprises there.

Of course it didn't take much to win over Miles and Jin, any chance to get back to Sun. Juliet knew Miles had wanted to get off this island for years as well. James was on his own in this one and she really didn't blame him. She knew why he didn't want to go back? Knew he was afraid of his past catching up with him but there was no future for them here either.

His eyes met with hers. Sooner or later he had to see that. And today the bubble was about to burst, this world; this place in time that he'd cocooned himself in was going to end. James didn't like change. He seldom talked about his past and to go back to it ... what if Frank Duckett's murder is linked to him? What if he went to prison? What would she do? But that wouldn't happen, would it? Could it?

She saw the doubt, the fear in his eyes. All the baggage from his past that he'd managed to attempt to forget in this place. Going back meant facing it.

He tore his gaze away from hers and fixed it on Daniel.

"So you're saying," he began, "that if you turn that donkey wheel so many degrees it'll move us through time all the way to 2007?"

Daniel nodded, "give or take a few years."

James was scowling again.

"What if it don't work? What if we go skipping through time again until blood starts pissing out of our noses and we all die."

Good question, Juliet mused and looked at Daniel.

"If I turn it the exact right amount that won't happen," Daniel reassured.

"And you know this exact amount?" she asked.

Daniel looked at her and nodded.

"I've been studying it at Ann Arbor for the last several years, trying to find ways we can get back to our proper time, where we belong, in time," he stressed.

"Yeah well Einstein you didn't even know what year it is so forgive me if I don't sound so trustin' with your so called time travel theories."

"You forget time when you're in that place," Daniel admitted, a frown denting his forehead, "I didn't realise how many years had passed."

James still didn't look pleased or convinced and she had the sinking feeling that in the end it would come down to her. She would be the deciding factor in what would happen next.

"Juliet's pregnant," James stated, pointing at her, "what if us moving through time hurts the baby?"

"It won't, least not the one time," Daniel returned.

James ran a hand through his hair, glared at Daniel. Juliet could see that stubborn tilt of his chin. He wasn't the sort of person to be convinced easily.

"You see Jim, nothing to stress about Juliet will be fine ..." Miles began.

James turned to him suddenly. "In case ya forget Enos but women on the island in 2007 die!"

"Not if I take the medicine," Juliet spoke up, all eyes now resting on her, "I know where it's kept, in the station, the one we took Claire too."

Silence fell. James shook his head. She'd forgotten that she had been an 'Other' once, their enemy, so to speak. Those days when James used to glare at her, those days he distrusted her. Those days when he'd be an ass and those days, now in the past, was going to be their future, again. She swallowed, met James' intense gaze.

"We can't stay here James," she spoke, swallowed again.

She was scared too. He must have seen that, because he nodded, looking somewhat defeated.

"Where you go I go," he murmured.

* * *

They hashed it out for a couple of hours, coming up with half baked plans.

_There was no way to get to the wheel for starters _said James _the well was filled in._

_Then we blow a hole in the wall _Miles suggested. James could get the layout of the building; he was head of security after all. He had access to explosives but he still needed a reason for them he had pointed out. Miles shrugged, gave him a knowing look _you just don't tell anyone. By the time anyone got suspicious it would be over. _

James had to acknowledge Miles was right. They were pretty slack with keeping track of what went in and out of the armoury, having got complacent in the last few years. Nothing much had happened on the island for a while, no problems or run ins with the _hostiles. _All was fine and dandy.

_You all need to be together when I turn the wheel_ Daniel suggested _whatever you want to take with you, put in a bag and make sure you have hold of it in your hand._

And that then meant they had to be in the Orchid, Daniel couldn't do it on his own. James knew the Orchid was still intact in 2007, and unused, well that was 2004 actually but still they would be safe enough there. They didn't want to run into the 'Other's'. If they stayed at the barracks there was a possibility that could happen. The Orchid was the place to be but how to evacuate the station?

Miles had the idea that once they blew a hole in the wall that should pretty much do it.

They continued to plot and plan and James felt like his head was gonna spin right off at some stage. He was sure he was stuck in some damn Doctor Who episode, wished they had a Tardis to get off this rock. That would have been much easier.

They managed to get a plan happening, it wasn't fool proof, but well this was the island, nothing ever was here.

It would do. James wasn't happy. He wanted 100% guarantees, not maybes but he was over ruled. They were all part of this crazy plan. The 'Back to the Future' project was happening whether he liked it or not.

* * *

James stood in the bedroom doorway and watched Juliet reading her book, Miles, Jin and Daniel having left an hour ago. Mary was fast asleep. He'd spent the last ten minutes watching her. He did that sometimes, needing the reassurance that she was real. Was he real? This, the here, now was it real? Sometimes he'd wake up, startled, heart beating erratically not knowing where he was and then he'd hear Juliet sigh and say his name. His eyes would fix on her sleeping form and then he'd remember _everything._ Her, him, married, in love, they had a daughter. It was alright. It was going to be alright. He wasn't alone anymore. He'd wrap his arms around her, reassured by her warmth. She was his. It was real, they were real.

But now, he was secretly terrified. And he didn't want to leave this place. For the first time in his life he was somebody, not the murdering no good conman he was back then, not the sad, lonely angry boy who grew up into a man, a bad man just like the one responsible for the death of his mother. Him, becoming everything he hated.

He could forget here, could pretend otherwise but once they went back ... what was he there? He was nothing, revengeful, hated, a criminal. And she would get to see all of that, everything he despised about himself.

She was beautiful. He wasn't.

"Spit it out James?" she asked, turning the page of her book, briefly glancing his way.

Wasn't it half obvious? She read him like a damn book, always had.

"You know I won't be able to get a job," he spoke.

Her book lowered to the doona, her gaze now firmly fixed on him and he felt awkward. Never did like anyone seeing his insincerities. Had always been really good at hiding them behind that jeering, sarcastic, difficult mask he wore so well for a very long time. Even with her seeing through him, speaking about his real fears was still hard.

"In case you forgot but I do have a criminal record," he continued, lowering his eyes.

He felt he had to point this out to her _again_ because they were about to return to it, if all went according to plan.

"You'll find something," she returned.

He gave a humourless laugh.

"Maybe a garbage truck driver," he muttered, crossing the floor to the bed and plonking himself down onto the mattress, rolling on to his back and staring up at the ceiling, hating feeling so damn fucking vulnerable.

"What am I Juliet?" he murmured.

She leant over him and touching his chin she turned his head so he had no option but to look at her. Of course she adored him, here and now and he can see this in her eyes but still ...

"I'm nothing back there," he continued, "and our kids are gonna have this dead beat father, and sure they don't ask questions when their little but what about when they get older?"

There he'd said it now.

He saw the sympathy in her eyes.

"You treat them right and they'll adore you and the past won't matter."

A stray curl fell across his face. He caught it with his hand, twirling it around his finger.

"It'll be okay," she breathed.

He wanted to believe her _so badly_. But he wasn't convinced. What if he lost her ... fuck but that was just the unthinkable. He didn't want to go there. She meant far too much to him. She had given him life, shared hers with him when no one else had ever done. Not that he'd let anyone get too close. The anger, the rage, the pain stopping him but that was the past and this, her and Mary, his future right. So what if he did lose them. He couldn't go through that pain again and even the thought of experiencing that pain again _terrified_ him more than anything else.

"I can't lose you," he whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat.

She blinked and he saw the well of emotions in her eyes.

"You won't."

* * *

Juliet lay on her side watching him sleep. She liked these moments, when she could watch him unobserved. The lines on his face now smoothed out in sleep, no need for pretences, no need to be on guard. He always looked much younger this way, and so peaceful.

But who was she really trying to kid, she was afraid more than she let on, wanting to reassure him. No point in the both of them stressing and it just better be _okay_. She had to believe that. But secretly she worried, which is why she was lying here unable to sleep.

Her eyes rested on the clock, five am. She sighed, shut her eyes, her hip ached. She needed to roll over to her other side but that meant she wouldn't be able to watch him sleep. She rolled over anyway, god that was starting to become an effort. She was too old for this, being pregnant at 40.

Damn there just was no such thing as being comfortable like this. Sighing, disgruntled Juliet sat up.

James stirred. "What'cha doing?" he mumbled in his pillow.

"I can't sleep."

Then she had a horrible thought, what if they ended up in 2004? Their younger selves running around on the island and having to avoid them, not to mention she would be 40 when she ought to be 34, in fact even if they managed to get it right and land in 2007 she would still be a couple of years older than she should. Shit. It was bad enough being 40. She didn't want to be 40 and she most certainly didn't want to be 40 in 2007 when she ought to have been 37.

James' eyes opened, he frowned and managed to pull himself up into a sitting position, leaning back against the head board alongside her.

"So what's keeping ya awake?" he asked.

"I'm 40," she stated.

He glanced at her.

"I guess that's what that big party bash was about six months ago," he quipped.

"But in 2007 I'm supposed to be 37."

He gave her a blank look of disbelief, as if to say _that's it? Here we are about to do something totally stupid and blow holes in walls in an attempt to get back to 2007 and your thinking about your age?_

"It's just a couple of years Juliet," his voice trailing away, shaking his head.

Years upon years, meant nothing to him but for her ... it was everything. How old would Julian be? How old Rachel and her? What if Daniel got the year wrong?

"I don't want to be 40," she moaned, "and isn't it all just downhill from here on out," she added with a wave of her hand.

"You look great for 40."

"No I look like a beached whale."

A hint of amusement flickered in his eyes, he shook his head.

"And you think you can walk all the way to the old beach camp?"

That had been part of the plan. After they left the Orchid, walk to the beach camp to see if it was there and try to get some idea of what year they were in.

She frowned. "Isn't this were you are supposed to contradict me and say I don't look like a beached whale at all."

"But then I'd be lying," he grinned.

She punched him in the arm.

"Ouch," he grimaced rubbing his arm, "violent woman and don't expect me to give ya a piggy back ride either."

His face suddenly got serious, worried.

"What if the smoke thing turns up? How ya gonna run? And how am I gonna run with Mary in my arms."

His eyes met hers, he shook his head, pursued his lips. "Fuck. Too many things can go wrong, and no one is thinking about any of that."

"I guess we hide," she suggested, such thoughts not crossing her mind till now, suddenly remembering her last encounter with smoky. Kate and her running through the jungle hand cuffed, pouring with rain, her shoulder dislocated and that thing chasing them. It had been terrifying.

Her eyes met with his. She saw the look on his face, a mixture of worry and dread. Wrapping his fingers around hers he brought her hand up to his chest.

"Can always change our minds Blondie ..."

"No," she got out, her voice hoarse. "We have to do this."

* * *

Four hours, Miles mused as he walked to the canteen. And it was back to good old 2007 and home. He started whistling to himself, couldn't wait to get off this rock and put all of this behind him. He spied his mother sweeping the front porch in passing, just like she always did this time every morning. He waved at her. "Hey Mrs Chang."

She smiled back. "Hello big Miles."

He felt the silly grin on his face. "How's little Miles?"

"A handful."

His grin widened. "You spoil him too much," he stated, "he'll grow up to be a brat."

"No he won't," he replied with a dismissive wave.

"Believe me ..." he sighed quietly and continued on, his steps haltering.

He stopped and slowly turned to look at her, his mother. Today would be the last time he saw her. She was so young, healthy, sweet not the bitter woman he knew in the future and she was dead. He was alone, had always been alone except here.

He shook his head to clear it. Time for moving on, no living in the past anymore, his past, bizarre living in it as an adult.

He spied Jin walking across the compound from the security building and fell in step with him.

"You got the explosives?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"All set," Jin returned.

They walked in silence for a moment.

"Soon you'll get to see Sun," Miles spoke, breaking the silence.

Jin had been unusually quiet, kind of odd.

"I don't get my hopes up until we are back there."

Miles understood that but he trusted Daniel, they guy was a bit crazy and weird but he was clever. He knew what he was doing, he hoped.

"I can't picture her face clearly now," Jin spoke, softly, "it used to be so clear, but now ... now it is blurred."

"It's been six years man and no photo, you have to expect that."

Jin's face seemed tired somehow, and sad. Why would Jin be sad?

"I thought that you out everyone would have been the most excited."

Jin looked around. "I'll miss this place."

"Hey Jin," Mitchell said in passing, "fishing expedition still on for Friday."

Jin nodded, "For now yes."

"Good man, looking forward to it."

Silence followed, their footsteps crunching on the footpath.

"It's funny how you act when knowing you never see these people again," Jin murmured.

* * *

Ugh packing, what to take, lots of jars of baby food, clothes for Mary, boots, a change of clothes for her. There was only so much she could really take. The photos had to go in the bag, she wasn't leaving them behind. Juliet went back into the kitchen for the hundredth time. Maybe she should grab a few more tins of food. Why did she feel so anxious? She couldn't think straight, what if they were not doing the right thing? Shit, shit. She went back into the living room, looking at Mary glued to the TV set, pacifier in her mouth. She really was getting to old for that thing.

What about Mary? Would she be okay, what if they went to the future but she didn't? Even though Daniel reassured her if she had hold of Mary it would be okay but could she believe him? Mary was born in 1978. In 2007 she wouldn't even have a birth certificate.

Juliet fell back on the couch, dazed, worried as hell, burying her face in her hands.

Should they be doing this? But they didn't belong here and even if Mary was born in 1978 she was still part of her and James, which meant she would stay with them when Daniel turned that wheel. It would be alright. She was worrying for nothing.

Removing her hands from her face she looked around the room, taking in the yellow curtains, paintings on the walls, their things, belongings, they had so many memories here.

God she still remembered her first day, first impressions always leaving the most lasting memories. She could still remember thinking _shit what had she done. _Funny how there really were some things you never forgot. Of course then she had naively believed that they would honour their word and let her go when her six month contract was up.

Oh fool her!

She remembered that day too. Shocked, too horrified to even cry, that came later.

The first three years had been hell but the last six ... surprisingly sweet and amazing. Who would have thought she would find love on the island from hell, the same said island that caused her so much grief and pain. Who would have thought she would be a mother.

Her hand rested on her belly. It still amazed her, this, making a human being but being pregnant sucked. She couldn't wait for it to be over, was counting down the weeks, ten to go.

It was taking forever!

Funny but she was going to miss this place in a strange sort of way. Memories, good, bad, whatever, but she had spent nine years of her life here. It counted for something. And soon it would be over.

James stepped into the living room, a strange expression on his face. She took in his appearance, flannelette shirt, jeans and his shaggy hair brushing the collar of his shirt.

He looked good, still, damn but he was easy on the eye. Not that she would tell him so. His head was already big enough.

"Ya ready?"

She nodded _no, not really_ but it had to be done.

He reached out a hand to her, she took it and god she really was secretly terrified. Without warning, she reached up and put her arms around him, hiding her face against his neck. It had to be _okay. _He smoothed her hair down and pressed his lips to the side of her head. They stood there like that, not saying anything to each other for a moment.

"Don't ever let go, no matter happens, just hold onto me," he whispered in her hair, breaking the silence.

She pulled back a fraction to look at him, her hands rested on either side of his face. She looked straight into his stormy worried eyes.

"Don't worry James. I'm never letting you go."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry to end it there! I really did want it longer and better and I have it all mapped out in my head. I'll try and get another chapter up as soon as I can, work load permitting. **

**Thanks for the support.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: No it's not a hallucination and yes it really is another chapter of Yesteryear. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 13.**

* * *

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Head, god it hurt. What had happened? Where was he?

_What do you think you're doing Jim? _That's right, Horace, was there, but where?

Drip, drip, drip, drip.

His mouth felt dry and he tried moving.

_Jim, Jim. _Was that Miles?

_What are doing Jim, have you gone mad?_

_Stay back Horace._

What the fuck was Horace doing there, he shouldn't have been, that man, always interfering like he owned the god damn island.

_We gotta go back._

_Where?_

_Back to the future. _Damn that had sounded so lame.

He'd let go of her hand, Juliet, that's right. He had to stop Horace coming any closer.

_Twitchy! He'd yelled, you better hurry up and turn that damn wheel!_

_I trusted you James! _

Horace, shit, why did he feel so bad? _It's not what you think. _

Then everything went crazy after that. Radinsky appeared out of nowhere, they started fighting, someone had hit him, he thinks and then nothing.

Shit. It didn't work? Did they stop Daniel? He tried to force his eyes open.

"Shh, it'll be okay." Juliet's voice, least she was with him.

He wanted to speak, wanted to ask what the hell had happened, then he felt something wet and warm on his face.

"Dada, wake up."

Mary, kissing him, he screwed up his face but felt instant relief. He forced his eyes open and gazed straight into Juliet's concerned face.

Mary clapped her hands. "Dada awake now."

Normally he would have found this adorably cute but other more pressing issues were on his mind.

"What the hell happened?" His first words, sounding more like a croak.

He swallowed, felt like his damn head had split apart.

"Well Radinsky tried pushing past you and you got in a tussle with him, and he punched you hard enough to send you falling back and you hit your head on the side of the table," she returned, biting down on her lip. He knew she only ever did that when she was really worried.

And well he kind of already knew that much. Least his memory was still intact, that had to be a good sign.

"It didn't work?" he asked.

"Well," she sighed, "we are not in the 70's anymore James."

James felt his stomach tighten, it had worked then! He tried to sit up. Juliet held him down.

"Your head is still bleeding, it bled a lot." He heard the worry in her voice. "Let it stop before you attempt to sit up."

He looked at her with open confusion.

"So the flash happened?"

"Yes."

His eyes raked over Mary, back to Juliet and her noticeable pregnant belly. It was okay. Thank god. Raising a hand he touched her face.

"You're okay?"

Her face softened, she managed a small smile.

"Yes," she murmured.

"You know where we are?" he asked.

"In the Orchid, but I don't know when."

Mary placed both little hands on either side of his face and peered down at him.

"Dada better?" she asked, looking up at Juliet.

Juliet looked down at the small girl, a tender smile crossing her face.

"Dada will be better," she said.

Thank god, it was all good, they still had Mary and Juliet was still pregnant.

"Where are Miles, and Jin?"

"They went up top to take a look."

He frowned, they had left Juliet alone? "How long have I been out of it?"

"About ten minutes."

Ten minutes! That long!

Juliet removed the rag she was holding to his head to stem the bleeding and peered at the gash there.

"The bleeding has nearly stopped but it'll need stitches," she murmured.

Great timing. "Ya think it's necessary because ..."

But one look from Juliet's face silenced him. Okay, he knew that look, no point arguing with it.

"It's not like we are in kind of hurry James."

Of course, not really, they don't even know where the hell they are, in time, and if by chance Daniel did get it right then they would have to assume they were in 2007.

* * *

Miles took in his surroundings. The place certainly looked forlorn. Nothing like the bustling hive of activity it was in the 70's and for a moment his felt bereft. Weird but not more than 20 minutes ago he was standing in this very spot and nothing looked familiar anymore. Now the place was just old, rundown, unused. It was sort of creepy.

"It will be dark soon," Jin spoke, "no point going anywhere now."

"Good lets go back down," he returned heading back towards the elevator. He didn't want to be up here, exposed, vulnerable.

Jin followed.

"You got any idea when we might be?" Miles asked, glancing at him over his shoulder.

Jin shook his head. "No, we won't know that till we get back to the beach camp."

The beach camp, that was years ago, it was still imprinted on his mind like it was yesterday. And Charlotte dying, he didn't really want to remember that. Felt sorry for Daniel having to live knowing what he does. That would suck. Probably better off not falling in love to begin with.

But say by chance they were now in 2007 and they got back home, him now 33, when he was supposed to 30. Damn but he really wasn't getting any younger and the thought of finding someone, well maybe he'd have a better chance once home, maybe. Maybe he will find someone, fall in love and get all lovey-dovey like James and Juliet, enough to make anyone puke, seriously. Okay well then just maybe part of him did envy what they had, but he just couldn't see it happening to him? Like he was cursed in that department or something; doomed to be unlucky in love.

James was awake when they got back and sitting up. That was a good sign, a relief. He hadn't looked good when they'd left. Him and Jin exchanging worried looks but Juliet obviously wanted to be left alone with him.

_He'll be _fine Jin had said reassuringly.

Miles had to marvel at him. How did the guy always remain so positive after everything he'd lost? But maybe he'd get it back now? And he'd been the only one still alone, he inwardly sighed. Yep his allotment in life.

Juliet was stitching up the gash to James' head. James was trying hard not to grimace with pain.

He looked pretty pale.

"What are you staring at Enos?" he snapped.

Nothing wrong with his tongue, he mused.

"What'd you see up there?" James asked.

Miles shrugged. "Everything is overgrown, looks unused so we've travelled to the future, just don't know when?"

"And it's nearly night, no point in going anywhere now," Jin added.

"I guess we stay here for the night."

* * *

They found some old tins of Dharma spaghetti and sat down at a rickety table to eat it cold. It was pretty grim and everyone was unusually quiet. Juliet didn't know what to feel or think. Okay so they were in the future but still on the island. Ben Linus was out there, somewhere, a grown man, probably still ruling this island?

Though maybe he was no longer on the island? John Locke, from memory had told them that Ben Linus had turned the wheel making them skip through time and whoever turned the wheel vanished from the island and back on to the mainland. She hoped that is where Daniel was and he was okay.

But knowing Ben he'd probably found a way back. She wouldn't put it past him.

If it was 2007 what were they going to find? That worried her more than anything currently. It was obviously pressing on everyone's mind too given the silence.

Her eyes rested on James. He looked pale and her memories were still so vivid, the sudden terror she'd felt at the last moment.

* * *

James had let her go, what did that mean? She wanted to scream at him. _Don't you dare play hero now!_ All he had to do was hold on to her, stay the hell away from Horace.

She remembered seeing the confusion in Horace's eyes, the disbelief and feeling bad.

_We don't belong here _she had said.

And Horace had kept back until Radinsky appeared and Juliet knew straight away it was bad news.

_Fuck Radinsky. _Had she yelled that? And James, he had let go of her hand when he shouldn't have!

It all happened in slow motion after that. Radinsky striding straight up to James, James warning him to stay back but Radinsky was an ass. She never had liked the guy. James punched him. And it was on, the big fight. Radinksy was a strong man and all she could do was watch dismayed, the dread hitting her hard as James fell back smashing his head on the table. He was out cold before he even hit the ground. She saw the blood, turned horrified eyes to Radinsky.

_What have you done?_ Saw Horace's face pale and then nothing but white bright light and the screeching in her ears, making her head feel like it was going to explode. She'd had Mary in one arm, the bag in the other and just held tight.

It had taken a moment for her to realise what had happened, where they were. Mary was crying in her arms. She took a deep sharp breath, the bag dropping from her hand as she felt her belly, instant relief, so palpable. She was still pregnant, it was okay but James. Shit James.

She was by his side in an instant, grabbing whatever she could find from the bag, a bunny rug and pressing it to the side of his head.

So much blood.

_James ... please answer me James ... you just better be okay ... you can't go and die on me now, I'll never forgive you ... ever._

He was breathing, his eyelashes fluttered.

Miles and Jin were suddenly by her side, asking a million questions, stressing her out.

_Why don't you just go up the elevator and find out if we have or have not gone to the future!_ She'd yelled. She could deal with James on her own. She didn't want them around, just in case it was bad and she lost it, started screaming like some Banshee woman. No, she needed to be alone with him till she had the reassurance all would be okay.

Miles and Jin had nodded, and left, much to her relief.

Mary started kissing James' face. _Wake up Dada. _And it broke her heart. What if he didn't? It was always hard to tell with head injuries and it could be mild? But it could be serious too.

Then his eyes opened and such a sweet relief swept over her. The words he uttered even better. He would be fine. And god but she wanted to smack him out at the same time.

_How dare he scare he like that!_

She stroked his face instead. Poor baby, always in the wars but he was tough, seemingly surviving the worst. Just as well because she really didn't know what she would do without him? She had never had this sort of closeness with any other human being except her sister but that was different, of course, as it should be.

* * *

So there they were, just the four of them, five including Mary. They exchanged silent glances as if everyone was too afraid to speak their minds, perhaps because they are in fact thinking the same thing. They eat their tins of spaghetti in relative silence. Juliet stared down into the now empty tin of spaghetti. Again the hope, did she let it in? She wanted to, desperately but time spent on this island where there was no certainty about _anything ..._ she couldn't ... not yet, no way would she allow the hope in till she was off this island, on real mainland soil with her sister standing right in front of her eyes. Only then would she let the hope in.

"You think these tins are still safe to eat?" Miles spoke breaking the silence.

"Soon find out," Juliet replied.

Miles swallowed, spoon coming to rest in the tin.

"I hate it when you do that," he grumbled.

She managed a smile.

"Well we just got blasted through time again and exposed to god knows what so what harm could an old tin of spaghetti do?"

Her hand rested on her belly. Could do a lot to the baby but she couldn't even allow those fears to surface now. She had to believe it was going to be okay. But the baby hadn't moved since they'd been there. It had only been an hour. No need to worry _yet _right?

"Taste alright to me," James said, licking the spoon.

Miles glanced at him. "Yeah but you'll eat anything," he remarked with a small grin. "Hey you might even get to lose a few pounds if we have to live on tinned food for a while."

"Ha, ha, you go ahead," James returned, "have ya fun, but at least I know when I go to sleep at night I'll still have a full head of hair when I wake up in the morning."

"Only it'll be totally grey by the time you're 50."

James shrugged. "Better grey than bald."

"Better bald than fat," Miles chipped in.

Juliet rolled her eyes, not this again but in part she welcomed the suddenly lighter mood.

"I'm not fat," James protested.

"Not yet but give it time," Miles smiled, pointing a spoon at James mid section, "you're starting to get a bit tubby there."

James frowned, shook his head. "We'll see how good you look at 42 and ya wanna hope ya meet a girl before ya start losing that hair."

Miles folded his arms.

"That's alright, I'll still be witty, charming ..."

"And bald," James finished for him.

"Is unca Miles bald?" Mary spoke, looking at him in such earnest that Juliet couldn't help smiling.

Miles didn't look impressed.

"No he's not," he told her.

"Not yet," James pointed out.

"Me want baby Miles," Mary said, "can me please play mama."

Big Miles looked visibly pale. "It creeps me out when she does that."

Juliet enfolded Mary in her arms. "Not now baby, its bed time and tomorrow we are going to go for a long walk, daddy will give you a piggy back ride."

What was the time? She knew it was night time here but everything seemed weird, back the front.

Mary's bottom lip fell. Not a good sign. Big tears began to well in her eyes. She was good at the emotional trump card.

"C'mon here girl," James said, taking her into his arms.

He rocked her in his arms, stroking her hair. "Ya gonna need ya strength tomorrow."

Her little hand reached up and touched the bandage on his head. "Sore?"

"A little, it'll be alright, ya old man is tough."

"When he's not being a klutz," Miles remarked.

"Or doing stupid heroic acts," Juliet added.

James frowned. "Yeah well I had to do something."

"Please don't do that again James," Juliet breathed, "you told me never to let go of you and then you went and let go of me."

James had the audacity to look ashamed. "Yeah well at least it all turned out okay," he said in his defence.

"For now." Jin pointed out, solemnly.

"Let's not think about that," Miles muttered.

"About the 100 things that could go wrong," Juliet mentioned, it was about time they discussed it. "What if Ben Linus is still the leader of the island?"

There she had said it now. It was out in the open.

"What if the 'others' are still hostile? What if they take us captive? How are we going to get off the island?" Miles murmured.

"Richard might help us," James returned, a thoughtful look crossing his face, "he might be the leader now?"

Juliet blinked. Unlike James to be that positive, normally he is the one pointing out all the pitfalls.

"Thing is," James continued, "we really won't know anything till we get out there."

"We should have taken Linus out when we had the chance back in the 70's," Miles murmured.

Juliet glared at him. "He was just a boy."

They had had this argument before, back in the early days, Juliet still remembered it. The day she realised that Benjamin Linus was just a boy with the Dharma Initiative.

* * *

Flashback

* * *

That first night, she had sat on the pier and allowed James to talk her into staying for two weeks. Since when had she'd been a sucker for charming men? But there was something different about James. Something she hadn't been able to put her finger on but it made her think about him more often than she had wanted too.

This was the guy who had hated her and now he was begging her to stay? And she was saying yes!

Well he was kind of cute, surly but strong in a way that had surprised her, how he'd just taken charge when everything went horribly wrong. He was smarter than she'd initially given him credit for. She had felt strangely connected to him. Not sure how she had let that happen?

If she'd had any common sense she would have got on that sub the next morning and left the island for good.

But the very next morning she was walking back from the clothing store room, her arms laden with clothes and linen, surely she didn't really need so many clothes when she was only going to be here two weeks. And that's when she saw him, a boy, kind of gangly looking. He was wearing silver rimmed round glasses.

"You need some help ma'am?"

He looked so timid and nervous. Poor boy.

"Sure," she replied, "could do with some help, how about you take the bed sheets?"

"Okay."

He looked so pleased. She placed the sheets in his arms, totally oblivious to who he was. It hadn't taken long to find out. She had no longer dumped the clothes and linen on the sofa and headed back outside, the boy in tow when an angry looking man came striding up to them.

"Benjamin!" He had yelled.

The boy cringed. Juliet had eyed the man over as he approached them.

"I told you to stay away from the new people."

"I-I just saw her walking," the boy stammered, "I j-just wanted to help."

"Sorry about that ma'am," the man spoke, as he came face to face with them, giving her an apologetic look, "I hope he wasn't a nuisance?"

"No, not all ..." she began her voice breaking off there as she watched horrified, the man hit the boy across the head.

"You do as your told next time, now get out of here."

She blinked and watched the boy scamper away, looking terribly ashamed. How awful for him. She turned her gaze to the man.

"Who are you?" she demanded, voice cold.

"Roger ma'am," he replied and pointed to the tag on his overalls, "workman."

The only word standing out to Juliet was the one word she hoped to never see or hear again.

"Linus," she whispered.

"Yeah and that was my son Ben."

Her eyes met his, horrified. There was a buzzing in her ears. What did he say? No! It couldn't be? That boy was Benjamin Linus!

"And your name?" Roger Linus asked and she saw the way he eyed her over, eyebrows rising in approval and she felt sick in the stomach.

"Juliet," she'd replied stiffly.

He eyed her over again and it was nearly too much for Juliet. "Well Juliet, I'm glad to make your acquaintance."

Oh god, she had to get out of here.

"If you excuse me I've got things to do," she said coldly and walked away.

Benjamin Linus was here, here in Dharmaville, how? He was supposed to be an 'Other'! Dazed, feeling sick to her core she found James in the clothing store room.

"There ya are Blondie," he said barely glancing her way, sorting through a rack of jeans, "damn but there's nothing here without flares and I sure ain't wearing flared jeans," he snorted in disgust, "and look at these shirts," he continued, pulling one out and showing it to her, scowling, "flowers all over it, what the hell am I going to wear?"

"I-I ..." but the words got stuck in her throat.

James looked at her, a frown denting his forehead.

"You alright girl?"

She swallowed. "Ben Linus," she'd managed to get out.

His frown intensified. "What?"

"I saw Benjamin Linus."

He shook his head, confused.

"How? That ain't possible."

"He's a boy James," she'd explained, "a boy living with his father here in Dharma."

She'd never forgotten the look on his face that day, the complete astonishment.

Finding Jin, Miles and Daniel they had discussed, argued about what to do with Benjamin Linus.

"I say will kill him," James had suggested and she'd rounded on him so abruptly.

"Really," she had demanded, "you really think you could kill a boy?"

Least he had had the audacity to look ashamed.

"We can't do anything," Daniel had stressed, "whatever happened happened!"

And none of them were killers. Well James had killed a few people and herself included, but she didn't like thinking about that. It still gave her nightmares.

"I can't kill a kid," James had muttered raking a hand through his hair.

* * *

That was that. They lived in Dharmaville alongside Benjamin and his sleazy father that Juliet hated just as much as she hated the grown up version of Benjamin Linus. She watched Ben Linus grow from a boy of just 11 years old, through his teenager years, right up until the age of 17. And watched his father continue to mistreat him all those years and it was no wonder he'd turned out like he did, though how much of an excuse was that really because James' had had it worst and he'd turned out alright in the end. Well okay so maybe it had taken him a while but the important thing was that he had.

When she looked at James now it was hard to believe what he once was. She smiled at the sight of Mary fast asleep in his arms. He was so patient with her, loving and kind.

_Had your father been like that with you? _She'd asked him one day, not that long ago.

He'd stiffen, avoided her gaze and muttered _sometimes_.

_But I don't want to remember him _he had told her and she'd never asked again.

"We should put Mary on the sofa," she spoke, softly.

Rummaging through the bag she found a blanket and Mary's favourite teddy bear. James placed Mary gently on the sofa and Juliet wrapped the blanket around her, placing the teddy bear under one arm. She straightened up, found James watching her, that tender look in his eyes. He pulled her into his arms.

"Thank god you're alright," he murmured in her hair.

She pulled back, gazed into his face and touched the bandage on his head.

"How is it?"

"It's one humdinger of a headache," he returned, "but it all turned out okay, we are safe and probably in damn 2007 and god knows what's gonna happen but we're alright."

He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling warmly. Juliet leant in towards him, pressed her lips against his and what was that noise?

Pulling back she looked into James worried eyes.

"What the hell," he muttered, "that sounds like the lift."

James turned to face the lift, took a few steps towards it. Miles and Jin got to their feet, Miles chair falling backwards.

They exchanged worried glances.

"Someone's coming," Jin spoke.

"Fuck, any guns down here?" James asked, eyes scanning around the room. "Look everywhere."

They quickly searched through doors, cupboards, Miles finally finding a gun. He handed it to James.

"It's not loaded."

"Better than nothing, and whoever it is ain't gonna know that."

Juliet swallowed the lump of fear in her throat. This, the waiting was killing her. What if there was more than one person? What if they were armed?

"James," she began.

"Stay behind me Juliet."

Juliet felt her stomach roil.

"We could just hide," Miles suggested.

"What all five of us?" James snorted. "No we face whatever is coming down that lift."

"What if we don't like what it is?" Miles continued, face pale.

"How bad it can it be? ..." James words died off there when the elevator came to a stop.

Juliet watched the doors open and the last person she ever wanted to see again step out.

Benjamin Linus. Her heart sank. Had thinking about him conjured him out of thin air? Time stood still. Ben looking as equally shocked to see them as they were seeing him.

He began walking towards them, confusion crossing his face.

"Just stay right where you are Linus," James warned.

Ben Linus blinked, his eyes growing rounder.

"Is that you James Ford?"

"Yeah it's the ghost from Christmas past," he remarked, "now you wanna tell me what you are doing here?"

Benjamin Linus eyes flitted from Miles and Jin before landing on her, a question in their depths.

"I don't believe it," he murmured, looking even more shell shocked.

He slowly began walking towards her. Juliet felt all colour drain from her face.

"I'm warning you Linus," James growled.

"Shut it James that gun isn't even loaded."

"Son of a ... okay then I'll just have to knock ya out."

Ben stopped, looked him over with some disdain before his eyes rested back on her and her pregnant belly. His eyes just about popped out of his head. She would have smiled if she wasn't so terrified.

"You're pregnant," he murmured in disbelief.

"Yeah and it's mine," James pointed out.

Ben's face paled. He brought a shaking hand up to his forehead. "I need to sit down."

Juliet threw James a desperate look. What did they do now?

Ben's eyes rested on the sofa and Mary fast asleep there before they shot back to her.

"Is she yours too?"

"Yeah she is ours," James bristled, "and if you touch her or Juliet I swear to god I'll kill ya ..."

Ben raised up a hand up to silence him.

"I'm not going to hurt anyone," he spoke in a calm voice.

Juliet had to give it to Linus, he sure managed to get his emotions under control very quickly. She watched him reach into his pocket, her heart beat quickening.

"What are ya doing?" James demanded.

"I'm getting my walkie talkie, if that is alright with you James," he returned.

James was still scowling, a distrustful look in his eyes. "No, you'll just call up ya buddies and arrest us and throw us all in animal cages."

"It's not like that anymore," Linus sighed and pulled the walkie talkie out of his pocket. "Trust me."

"Why should we?"

"Because everything has changed," he began, looking from James to Juliet a slight puzzled frown denting his forehead, "where have you been?"

"You should know? What don't you recognise us Linus because we sure as hell remember you, a boy growing up in Dharmaville?"

"I have no memories of that."

Juliet met James' eyes. Was that true? But how and what did that mean?

Ben brought the walkie talkie up to his mouth. "Is that you Hugo?"

Juliet's eyes widened. Did Ben Linus just say Hugo? She saw the same question in James' eyes.

"You won't believe what I've found down in the Orchid," Linus continued, "get down here as quick as you can."

Ben lowered the walkie, talkie. He glanced around the room at each person.

"James, Jin, Miles, Juliet," he acknowledged.

"I guess we all have a lot of catching up to do," he sighed, slipping the walkie talkie back into his pocket. "But first up, welcome back to the island, and just to get you up to date with things around here you are all now under the golden reign of Hugo Reyes."

He gave an ironic smile. "I thought that might surprise you."

* * *

**A/N: I'm not sure what I think of this chapter? I found it really hard to get a flow but luckily it eventually kicked in. **

**Feed back would be really nice!**

**This story is close to being done. One or two more chapters should sum it up. Sorry about the long wait! Life and other story plot lines got in the way.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry it has taken so long to get back to this story. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 14.**

* * *

The golden reign of Hugo Reyes, what the hell? James can't take it in. He's hearing things, has to be, damn, god damn, Hugo a leader. Big Hurley, who loved to eat, was uncannily good at sports like table tennis and throwing damn horse shoes. There was nothing he could beat the big tub of lard at and it use to do his head in. Hugo, the "make everyone happy guy", the do-gooder that had another side not everyone else saw. He was smarter than you'd give him credit for. Often right, sometimes saviour of the day and well why not? Why not have Hugo Reyes be the next leader of the 'Others'? Kind of fitting in a whacky sort of way. Certainly make a damn sight better leader than the last miserable one standing right before his eyes looking sort of smug and smarmy and James doesn't care that things might have changed he'll never trust Benjamin Linus.

He catches Jin's eye and sees the hesitation there before taking in Juliet's pale face. It has that pinched drawn look, the cool mask. He hasn't seen it in a long while. She looks just as doubtful of Linus' motives as he does. He returns his attention to Linus.

"So ya saying Hugo is in charge around here?" he asks rubbing his forehead.

Ben Linus beady eyed direct gaze met his. "Yes James."  
"B-But how?"

Linus sighed. "Why don't we sit down at the table and talk," he suggests, "looks like we have a lot of catching up to do."

They sure did, James muses. Ben Linus the only one seeming at ease. James sits down stiffly, Juliet gingerly, Linus' eyes resting on her belly again as if it is something he just can't quite bring himself to believe.

That's right Linus, my kid in there James feels like saying _again_ just to see the expression on his face, priceless.

"So where have you all been?" Linus enquires.

Where do they start, James glances at Juliet, then Jin and lastly Miles. How did they explain it?

"We've been living in the 70's man," Miles replies, "with the Dharma Initiative."

"Watched you grow up," James adds giving Ben Linus a pointed stare.

Surely he couldn't have forgotten that, the jerk is a mastermind at lying and manipulating the facts when it suited him. "You ain't really gonna sit there and say you don't remember us back then ..."

"I remember," Ben speaks, simply, brushing some imaginary lint of his shirt, "I purposely tracked down Juliet and brought her here, she had to come to the island, events had to unfold in the right order," he continues.

James froze. He knew! He deliberately brought Juliet to the island because it had to be? What the fuck. His eyes flew to her, the faint lines in her forehead deepening.

"But that was all I knew at that stage."

Linus' eyes rests on him. "Wasn't sure where or how you got there, you can't imagine my surprise when your flight crashed on the island and I saw you."

James clenches his jaw.

"You with your cockiness and surly attitude, I knew I had to beat it out of you, break you down."

James remembers it only too well, the humiliation, the not knowing if he or Kate would survive.

"I knew never to let Juliet near you and set her up with Jack," Linus continues in that cool calm way of his, "but I should have known better," he sighs with a resigned shrug of his shoulders, "whatever happened would happen no matter what I did."

His voice was softer now, his expression ironic and self reflective, he turns his gaze to Juliet.

"Sure enough Juliet shot Pickett saving your life and Jack saved Juliet's life by making an agreement with me to fix up my back, John Locke blew up the sub and here we all are."

Linus raises an eyebrow. "Alive."

Silence follows. James takes a deep breath, unclenches his fists.

"You knew all along," he manages to get out in a hoarse voice.

"I didn't know you would end up back here," Ben admits, "but I do remember the ruckus you all left behind when you suddenly vanished down at the Orchid, Horace tried to hush it all up but you can't really keep something like that quiet."

Horace, it was only just hours ago he'd last seen him, the bewildered look on his face. James still feels bad about lying to him.

"So where are we now?" Jin asks.

"On the island of course."

"What year?"

"2011."

James eyes met with Jin's. "Guess Faraday was out by a couple of years."

"Faraday?" Linus exclaims.

Well that explained some things, James muses. He looks back at Linus.

"How the hell did Hugo end up back here? I saw him on the helicopter, he got off the island," he states.

"He came back," Linus returns, "along with Kate, Sayid and Sun."

It was as if a bomb had suddenly exploded ... Jack, Kate, Sun?

"You mean Locke brought them back?"

"Yes James."

"And Sun?" Jin demands looking alarmed, "Sun was here?"

"She isn't here now, she went back," Linus hastily added, "when she realized that you guys were missing in time."

James rubs his forehead again feeling sorry for Jin, knew the poor guy had been through hell these last six years.

"So how about ya start at the beginning then, tell us everything ..." James begins, his voice breaking off there when he hears the elevator start up.

"I think Hugo is the best one to tell you that, sounds like he's on his way down."

James slowly got up from the chair and walked towards the lift followed by the others. He felt Juliet slip her hand into his. He turns to look at her and sees something he hasn't seen in her eyes ever, hope. It was a strange sight to behold. He doesn't want to hope, not yet, too soon.

"It's 2011 James," she whispers, a shaky smile crossing her pale face, "finally we might get off this island and back to our proper time, back to where we really belong."

He doesn't know what to say. Belong, he never belonged back there, didn't know what belonging was till he came to the island, till he ended up in Dharmaville in the 70's, till he found her, Juliet.

"Sun was able to leave," she continues.

She has a point, but could they, was it a reality now? Did they hope? He doesn't know what to think or feel yet? His whole sense of purpose tied up in the island.

The elevator door opens and Hugo steps out and god damn but he's a sight for sore eyes. The big guy has hardly changed, doesn't look a day older, if anything he looks good, still big but not like before and he looks ... young.

"Dudes!" he exclaims and James finds himself caught up in a bone crushing hug. "I don't believe it, we all thought you must be dead or something or stuck in time."

Ribs are about to break, he can't breathe. Luckily Hugo releases him and hugs Jin next. James gingerly rubs his ribs, it feels so good seeing him, but surreal too. Is this really happening?

Faraday had really done it! He had sent them back to the future. Unbelievable.

Hugo's eyes widen when he sees Juliet.

"Wow look at you," he says, smiling broadly, and glancing at James, winking, "you two have been busy." He kisses her on the cheek.

"How do you know it's his?" Miles butts in.

James frowns at him.

"It's the obvious choice," Hugo shrugs, "good looking girl gets with good looking dude."

"I'm not good looking enough?" Miles exclaims.

But no one is paying much attention to him, too caught up in the weirdness of the moment.

"Sawyer a father," Hugo laughs, "who would have thought and remember that time you couldn't even catch a fish?"

Jin smirks. "He still suck at catching fish."

"Well y'all laugh it up, no need to catch damn fish when living in the Dharmaville, plenty of food there."

He can feel Hugo's eyes rest on him, sizing him up.

"You guys have gotten older, how long were you in the 70's."

"Six years," James replies and frowns, "how did you know ...?"

"Ben told us, said he remembered you there but that you had all disappeared in the Orchid and none of us knew what had happened, where you all had gone."

"Here," Juliet speaks, "it like happened today, this morning."

"You mean 30 years ago," Ben adds, "for me that is."

Hugo shakes his head. "Time travel."

"So how the hell did you end up the leader?" James enquires, giving him the once over, still unable to believe all of this was happening.

"How about we go back to the barracks, have dinner and we can all talk about it then," Hugo suggests and glances around the dim dank corridor, "this place always creeps me out."

* * *

James gently picks up the sleeping Mary and carries her, glad she can sleep through all of this. His head is still thumping.

"I'll take her," Jin offers, "you shouldn't strain yourself."

James isn't about to argue and hands Mary to her. Hugo is watching them.

"I still can't believe it dude," he says wistfully, "you a dad."

"Yeah well I've grown up, had to."

Didn't bother to say that he'd found himself on the island because that would sound so damn cliché.

It was dark up above. Luckily they didn't have to walk as Hugo had the hippy van.

"Man it's weird," Miles remarks, running his hand along the van, "these things are still going."

James looks worriedly around the enclosing jungle.

"Ain't you all concerned about the smoke monster?" he asks.

"He no longer exist dude," Hugo returns, opening the door for them to clamber in.

James notes the sad expression on Hugo's face. What is that about? Why does the big guy look suddenly sad? Wasn't it a good thing the smoke monster was gone? And how did that happen? He has like a million questions to ask.

Where's Jack now and Kate?

Hugo gives him a smile. "All in good time dude."

So Hugo can read minds now, James muses and climbs into the hippy van.

* * *

Juliet peers out the window at the dark jungle swirling around them. Her heart beat is still erratic as she tries to control her thoughts. They were in 2011, they really were in 2011! She is going to go home _maybe._ But she had her hopes up before, just once, when it looked as if she and Jack would get to leave the island via the sub, till Locke blew it up. The devastation she had felt that day. She shut her eyes.

Does she dare hope again?

"Hey Juliet," James whispers in her ear, his breath tickling her neck, "You've been quiet."

"Hmm just thinking."

His hand rests on her belly, feels soothing, she feels she can pretty much face anything with him by her side.

"So curly tops," he continues, she overlooks the nickname, even starting to find it endearing now. "I guess things are looking promising."

She feels for his hand resting on her belly, squeezes his fingers and turns her gaze to his.

"I think I'll believe that when I'm off this island James."

"Of course, no point getting ya hopes are high girl."

Obviously this was worrying him or other things. She really can't see him wanting to leave the island, afraid of all that awaits him back on the mainland. And she gets that because part of her is afraid too. It has been ten years since she was last there and now the real possibility that she could possibly get off this island for once and all was starting to hit home.

Was Rachel alright?

Had Ben Linus been lying to her they whole time on the island?

Was she still alive? And Julian would be ten years old now. She would be a stranger to him. Juliet closes her eyes _again. _Rachel just had to be alive. It didn't bear thinking otherwise.

"Well I'll be damned," James let's out in a low voice, "ain't that the barracks."

Juliet opens her eyes and gazes out the window as the barracks come into view.

"What happened to the sonic fence?" she asks.

"No smoke monster no sonic fence I guess," James returns and frowns, was this the same island?

It just seemed so damn peaceful and calm and different.

He leans forward in his seat, closer to Hugo.

"What happened to the hostiles?" he asks.

"What hostiles?"

"Ya know the others?"

"Are you not married to one," Ben quips in the seat alongside Hugo.

James shuts his mouth. Trust Linus to throw that in his face.

"We all work together now," Hugo adds, "no more battles, no more wars."

"Well ain't that just dandy," James mutters, though really it was a relief, just weird is all.

A huge grin splits Hugo's face. "Dude you haven't changed in some things."

James frowns, what the hell he mean by that?

* * *

The first thing Miles notices is that the barracks are no longer yellow, guess that's too 70's now, they were painted a more rustic earthy colour and it looks odd. He almost expects to see Horace wave to him. "Yo ho Miles, all good out there?"

Almost expects to see his mother's lovely sweet face _hello big Miles._ They would share a smile and something he can't explain, pain or loss, he doesn't want to think to hard about it, the longing stirring in the pit of his stomach.

Guess he doesn't have to worry about that anymore and a sense of loss hits him square in the guts.

Everybody has someone, everybody but him. But he doesn't do self pity, despising even this little lapse of emotional reason.

Ugh emotions.

He tries to recall the bitter woman that he remembers his mother being but all he can see is the 70's version, the younger woman, the one who was happy, content, not the embittered woman he once knew. The amount of times he wanted to tell her _I'm your son._

He glances over his shoulder at Juliet and James. James whispering in her ear, the secret look they share and for a fraction of a second he has to wonder if he'll ever have that? And there are nights, maybe more than he wants to let on, where he dreams of what he could, should and yearns to have. Yeah he laughed it off, he made the remarks that everyone else was to chicken shit to make but secretly wanted to and that made people both like and dislike him within the same given breath.

Yeah he could be the sarcastic funny guy but sometimes he wondered if he'd ever be more that? Snap out of your morose thoughts man, he chides and shakes his head.

This wasn't him. Whatever the hell 'him' was?

If he could see the future ... what would it be? But all he was capable of seeing is people's last thoughts as they die. How fucking morose is that?

If things had been different, if say by chance his mother had never left the island? Say by chance his old man had swallowed his pride and tracked her down. Why hadn't he, did he not care? He should have found them. Why did he stay on the island, why did he lie? Why couldn't he give like he should have and Miles has to wonder if he weren't after all just like his old man in the end? Afraid, afraid of losing, too afraid of getting close to another human being.

Yeah really bloody morose man, Miles chides.

Guess he's alone in his thoughts. And now, fuck now, he is back in the future and shouldn't he be happy about this so why isn't he? Why is he sitting in this old hippy van thinking about his mother's face when he'd just seen her this morning, waving to him, smiling, happy, baby Miles, him, the little boy picking flowers in the garden. Now, him the adult version, living, breathing within the exact same space.

So that was his life then, this is his life now. He drags his gaze away from Jim and Juliet and out that damn hippy van window and he can shut his eyes and pretend he's back there.

* * *

Hugo takes them to the mess hall. It still looks the same. James almost expects to see the old Dharma people milling around and not the African American woman who comes to greet them looking strangely familiar.

He suddenly recognises her. "Rose?"

A big happy smile crosses her face.

"Sawyer!"

He finds himself caught up in her warm embrace. "I can't believe it ..." her eyes take in Jin, "Jin!"

She hugs him next and pulls back, looks over her shoulder. "Bernard!" she calls, "Bernard, look who is here."

Rose's gaze rests on Juliet. If only he had a camera to catch her astounded expression.

"Juliet ..." her voice trails off there.

James takes hold of Juliet's hand. "She's with me."

But he's confused.

"How did you and Bernard end up here? You'll travelling through time like us? We were looking everywhere for you but we couldn't find ya."

And he's just got to know.

"We didn't want to be found."

He frowned. "What? Why?"

Rose smiles, places her hand on his shoulder.

"We just wanted to live out our lives away from all the turmoil and fighting."

"But the hostiles ..."

"They left us alone, we were no threat to them."

James can well believe that.

"Then today the sky lit up and everything changed, our hut we'd built was gone and we just knew we'd moved through time again and we went investigating and that's when we stumbled upon Hugo," Rose explains.

"Well I'll be damned."

Bernard approaches then and there is more hugging. By this stage Mary has woken up by all the excitement and looks particularly grumpy.

Hugo has a feast going and even though it's approaching ten at night everyone has a lot to say. It's like old times, James muses. Hadn't realised how much he missed the beach camp days. Hugo is still as jovial as ever, Bernard and Rose disagreeing about something, Rose fusing over them like some mother hen. He must be smiling too much, his face aches, headache momentarily forgotten. Juliet has this dreamy look on her face, the sort that says _someone pinch me to make sure I'm not dreaming._

He pinches her arm.

"Ouch." She gives him a chagrined look.

He grins at her, his lips brush her forehead.

"It's real Blondie."

* * *

Of course it's only a matter of time before Hugo tells them about what had happened four years earlier, when him, Jack, Kate, Sayid and Sun came back to the island. It sounds like a story someone has made up. Smokie had taken on Locke's form, tricked Ben into killing Jacob. It was hell crazy, needless to say, Smokie tried to destroy the island so he could escape. Jack had become the new Jacob for a short while before passing that mantle onto Hugo. They defeated Smokie but it had come at a price. Jack and Sayid were both dead. They had buried their bodies in the cemetery at the beach camp. Once a year they held a memorial and remembered all the people who had died.

James couldn't take it all in. For a long while there was nothing but silence in the room. He looked at Jin's sad face. Jack and Sayid had died saving the island and that meant them surviving too, that meant peace now reigned on the island.

It meant they could all go home. That had always been Jack's promise after all, look like he kept it in the end.

So many questions and Hugo patiently answered all of them.

They found Claire. Kate took her home to Aaron. And not all was lost, Kate had Jack's baby, a boy, Jeremiah, he was nearly four years old now.

Sun went home to her daughter. She often kept in touch, always asking if Jin had returned. Hugo was excited that he could now tell her _yes. _

Hugo had taken on Jacob's mantle. James didn't even bother to try and understand that? But it appeared to him that Hugo was perfectly happy with this role he now played.

"And today you guys came back," he finished up saying, a huge grin splitting his face. "This is the best day ever dudes!"

"And you know where Sun lives?" Jin asks, hope lighting up his face.

"You bet dude and I bet you can't wait to see her huh?"

Jin nods, tears glistening in his eyes. "It's been a long time."

Hugo pats him on the back.

"Well you don't have to wait much longer, the sub is docked at the pier and she's ready to run anytime you all want to go home, of course I hope you stay a couple of days."

James would stay forever if he could.

His eyes slowly met Juliet's. Her face is alight with wonder and James swallows the lump in his throat. Of course she will want to go back, no two ways about that. But as for him ... hell he doesn't know what to think. All of this is so sudden and it kind of terrifies him.

He's not ready yet.

Juliet pinches him, a grin crosses her face.

"Wake up James, looks like we will be going back to the real world."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to this story but the good news is that I've plotted it out to end now and in just one weeks time it is school holidays here in Australia and I'll have a two week break to continue this story. Hopefully my marking workload from hell will start to ease up then and I'll have more free time to write!

Thanks to all who have been following this story to date and sorry for the long wait but stick with it, it will have closure!

Reviews always appreciated so send one my way to let me know you are still following this crazy story!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15.**

The first thing James noticed about the barracks was the colour inside. No longer yellow.

"Blue," he said, turning to look at Juliet, frowning, "what happened to yellow?"

He didn't like it. He didn't like change. He liked his comfort zone and this, this whole night, being back in the present was way out there. What did he now cling to? Of course there was Juliet and Mary but what else? He needed something else, a sense of purpose and what and where would he find his sense of purpose once back in the real world? He wouldn't even be able to get a damn job.

"I like it," Juliet returned.

Of course she would.

He wearily sat down on the edge of bed and kicked his boots off. Mary was fast asleep in the other room. It was already past midnight. He felt exhausted but the headache had lessened.

"Head will be fine in a day or two," Hugo had told him, "this island heals injuries four times quicker than on the mainland."

The up side to being here and a good reason to stay he told himself. But where Juliet went he went and she deserved, more than anyone, to go home, her heart's desire. He didn't want to rain on her parade and pout and sulk, tried hard to be upbeat about it all. But she knew him far too well and was now giving him that quizzical look as if assessing him, trying to get into his head.

"Funny how everything can change in just one day," she spoke, raising an eyebrow.

God she looked sexy in his t-shirt and boxer shorts, even at six months pregnant.

"Yep changes, love that," he muttered gruffer than he'd intended, trust his damn head to start appreciating her appearance.

Smiling she placed her hands on either side of his face. She bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Poor head," she murmured, her hair tickling his nose.

Taking the opportunity to get closer to her he pulled her down on to his lap, pushed her hair back from her face with his hand, his eyes resting on her lips. He'd never grow tired of this woman. She was his everything after all.

"I could break your legs," she quipped lightly, though he saw the vulnerability in the depths of her eyes.

"I doubt it Blondie," he murmured, nuzzling her neck, "besides I'm tough."

She laughed lightly.

"You don't have to put on that act with me," she spoke, tweaking nose, "I know you, remember."

He grinned.

"All too well girl," he replied, the tenderness swamping him, "the only person who ever has."

She lowered her lips to his.

"Well love is powerful thing, when used right," she murmured.

He wrapped his arms around her. They fell back on to the bed, arms and legs entangled. He gazed into her beautiful eyes.

"We might as well christen the new bed, the new blue colour and the new future."

"You don't have a headache?"

"Screw the headache," he growled.

Afterwards she lay in his arms and he didn't want to let go, not _ever. _Not her. She meant far too much to him now. Time and trust healed a multitude of hurts.

She turned her gaze to his. "When we get back James you should find Clementine," she whispered, in that half sleepy voice that he loved, "should fix things up, never too late."

"Sure Blondie," he murmured back, kissing her hair line.

But he didn't agree. No need to go there yet, right? He didn't want to think about it and buried his face in the pillow. Him and his damn lousy past life that was better left forgotten.

* * *

James continued to push Mary on the swing. Much better playground in the future, Hugo must have upgraded that, though he couldn't figure out why. No other kids around that he could see off. He spied Hugo walking along the path. Hugo waved, he waved back.

"Sleep well?" Hugo called out.

"Like a log," he returned, surprisingly till he woke up at six and couldn't get back to sleep, a hundred million questions rambling through his brain.

What was he going to do when they went back? He's supposed to be dead, better it remain so. What would he do for a job? How would Rachel react to him? Wouldn't there be a lot of questions as to why Juliet had disappeared for ten years?

How did they explain it all?

What if they had solved Frank Duckett's murder? What if they had linked it back to him?

What about Clementine? Damn she must be nearly grown up now, a teenager? His eyes rested on Mary and he felt something overpowering flood through him, that protective instinct, so strong, would he feel it when he saw Clementine? He'd never even seen her, but one photo Cassidy had showed him in prison. Felt ashamed now about the way he'd carried on _she ain't mine._

Did he track Cassidy down and ask to see the girl but wouldn't that then lead to more complications?

"Seems just the other day I watched you push your daughter on a swing, not 30 years ago, hard to believe."

James spun around and came face to face with Linus. His eyes narrowed. What did Linus want?

"Damn weird thing time travelling," James muttered in reply. "Did the purge still happen?"

Again that sick feeling in his stomach. He felt bad for Horace, the guy didn't deserve to have that happen to him.

"Yes," Linus murmured.

Did he look sad about that or was James just imagining things now?

"And you did it."

Ben Linus nodded, met James' accusing eyes.

"We all have things were not proud of James, you would know that."

Uncanny bastard had a way with words.

"Of course," he said under his breath, with sarcasm, though that was about where the similarities ended. He was nothing like Linus and hoped he would leave.

"You know I used to envy you with Juliet," Ben continued.

Didn't look like he'd be leaving anytime soon James inwardly muttered.

"Oh really," he sighed. The guy was obviously here to get inside his head or something, stir him up, yeah that was the way Linus operated.

"I could never get what she saw in you."

Just as he thought, James mused dryly.

"What do you want Linus?" he retorted, he wasn't in the mood for head games.

"Just making small talk," Linus shrugged.

Small talk with him, really and why?

"Juliet must be desperate to get home?" Linus continued.

James eyes narrowed. "Of course she would, who could blame her, you brought her here, kept her like a damn prisoner ..."

"And just think if I hadn't you never would have met her, never found yourself, never had your little girl," Linus pointed out, eyes falling on Mary.

Bastard had a point, not that he liked hearing it.

"And what about you James, what do you want to do?"

James shook his head and snorted, "don't matter what I want."

Silence fell and James hoped Ben would get the hint and leave.

"Push dada," Mary cried.

James gave her a push and she squealed with delight and why the hell was Linus still there?

"You don't want to go home?" Linus spoke at length.

James kept his gaze fixed on Mary.

"Not like a have a lot to go back to," he muttered.

"Except maybe a prison sentence," Ben added.

James turned slowly to look at him.

"You know something about that?"

Ben gave a small smile. "It's a closed case now."

James frowned, his heart skipped a beat. "What'd you mean?"

"They did link the murder to you James, but you're supposed to be dead," Linus stated, "so it's a closed case of course."

James froze, trying his best to look casual and unconcerned but his heart, however, was pounding a mile a minute.

"So ya saying I can't go back?"

"Not as you."

James stood there speechless. Mary started whining about being pushed.

Ben rolled his eyes. "For the head of security James LaFleur you really can be slow on the up take."

James scowled at him.

"Well how about you just be direct for a damn change!"

He ran stiff fingers through his hair.

Linus nodded, "A different identity James."

Why hadn't he thought of that yet? Well because his head was filled with too many other damn things.

"You're looking at the master expert at it, that's why I'm here, Hugo sent me."

James blinked.

"So I just take on a whole new identity and you can do that for me?"

Ben sighed. "Take Mary back to Juliet and come by my house to discuss it."

And with that Ben walked away. James watched him go, dumbfounded. Of course, it was that simple wasn't it? And it was as he feared. They had linked Frank Duckett's murder to him. He could never go back as James Ford and it would mean he'd spend the rest of his life lying. Least Mary would never learn the truth about him.

Picking her up from the swing, amidst protests and whining, he hurried back to the house. Juliet wasn't there. He found her in the mess hall chatting with Rose.

"Morning ladies," he greeted, Mary wriggling in his arms to get free.

He put her down. Juliet took one look at his face and asked "what's up?"

Was he that damn readable?

"Can I talk to ya for a sec?"

"Sure."

She got up from the chair and they went outside, he took her by the arm and looked into face.

"I've been talking to Ben Linus," he began.

Amusement flashed in her eyes. "That must have been a scintillating conversation for you."

"He told me that they did link Frank Duckett's murder to me."

Shock registered on her face and then annoyance. "That would be Ben's trick, a way to keep us here, to keep me ..."

"He suggested I take on a new identity," he interrupted.

She shut her mouth, eyes met his. "Well that shouldn't be hard seeing as you've been parading as James LaFleur for the last six years."

"True." He agreed. "Just wanted to make sure you were okay with it, means we'll have to lie."

Juliet laughed. "And what's new about that."

A slow smiled crossed his face and he shook his head, his eyes fixed on hers.

"Any name preferences then?"

"Well just as long as you keep the name James, the surname is up to you."

He studied her face for a moment, tried to get an inkling of what she was really thinking. She just gazed back at him in that calm way of hers. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Alright Blondie, I'll see ya in a little while, gotta go see Linus now."

A giggle escaped from Juliet's mouth. He turned to look at her, a frown denting his forehead.

"What?"

"I don't know, it just seems weird, you meeting Ben," she began, "weird but in a good way, I think."

"Yeah and I'm really looking forward to it," he muttered dryly.

He went to leave.

"James," she began quickly, grabbing him by the hand.

He turned to look at her.

A slight frown furrowed her forehead. "You're not going to like change your appearance or anything, you know dye your hair red or something ridiculous like that?"

"You think red hair would suit me?" he asked innocently, a slight grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I guess I could consider a nose job while I'm at it, should do it on the island, seeing everything heals so much faster."

She punched him hard in the shoulder. "Don't you dare!"

He hid a grin, rubbed his arm. "God you're a violent woman," he muttered.

She stood there, arms folded, looking somewhat cross and she should know he's teasing her now. He laughed and pulled her into her arms, kissed the top of her head.

"Course I'm not changing anything," he murmured in her hair.

Her arms slid around his waist. "But people may recognise you," she said, sounding anxious.

He gazed down into her face.

"Well I'm getting older, hair will be grey soon enough, already starting," he grumbled, pointing to his temples, "ya see that."

"And you could wear glasses all the time like Harry Potter does."

"Harry who?" he frowned.

"Hugo has the whole collection on DVD. He was playing the first one for me in the rec room this morning, I remember watching it just before I came to the island," she explained.

"Oh that Harry," he recalled, "never watched the films, but I don't need to wear glasses all the time."

"They don't have to be prescription," she stated, rolling her eyes, "you know some people just wear them as a fashion statement or to look sophisticated or intelligent."

"Intelligent huh," James mused, pondering the thought, "you think I can look intelligent Blondie?"

She bit down on her lip and he could see she was trying to suppress a smile.

"Forget it," he muttered, "I'm out of here, off for my meeting with Linus, that should be fun," he continued, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Can't wait to see what head games bug eyes got in store for me."

"You'll be fine," Juliet smiled.

"Alright for you," he murmured and started walking away. "Harry Potter glasses," he scoffed, giving her a quick glance over his shoulder as he walked, shaking his head, "yeah right."

* * *

Ben Linus had more ID cards than you could poke a stick at.

"Why you have all of these?" James asked shuffling through them.

"They are from previous days, other days," Linus replied, peering at him over the rim of his glasses, "you remember those days James."

"Sure do," he returned, "never forgot those cage days, hauling rocks, having your thug Pickett beat me up, pretend pace makers put in my heart to blow it up, fun times," he continued with sarcasm.

"It was our way to break you down," Ben admitted.

James frowned, still didn't know what to make of the man. Hard to bring himself to trust him but Hugo obviously did.

"Sit down James before you wear a hole in the floor," Linus continued.

"It's concrete, can't see that happening," he remarked and sat down on an adjacent chair, his eyes taking in the sealed dingy basement.

"Yeah you guys sure liked all that cloak and dagger stuff and screwing with people's minds," he muttered.

Ben looked up from the file he was examining, expression unreadable, as usual.

"You still want to keep the name James?"

"Easy to remember and it's a common name."

"What about the surname?"

"Not sure yet?"

"Why don't you keep the name LaFleur."

"Won't that be a problem?"

"I don't see how."

James pondered the thought for a moment, he'd grown attached to that name, had lived that identity for the last six years, might as well keep it, would make it easier.

"Sure."

"And what about an occupation?"

James was stumped for a moment. Occupation, what did he do? He had no qualifications, no real ones, sure he was head of security for a few years and had learnt a fair bit in that time but what in the hell would he do in the real world?

"You must have given some thought as a boy to what sort of job you might like to do?" Linus urged.

Well, he did, once, long ago. He met Linus' questioning gaze.

"I did think about being a cop," he admitted, waited for Linus to laugh at him, but Linus wasn't the laughing type. He did, however, notice a smile hover at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah well laugh it up."

"Actually it doesn't really surprise me," Linus returned, "so why didn't you become a cop?"

James frowned. "I thought I was here to get an identity not talk about my damn past, I don't know why the hell I didn't, it just never happened, guess the police academy ain't gonna be letting some delinquent kid sign up."

"You need to finish high school too," Ben added.

James clenched his jaw. Trust fucking Linus to find some way to stitch him up. So he was some high school dropout, a bum, a trouble-maker, but that was his past and his future was still wide open to him. He wasn't that same person anymore.

"You want to be a police officer?" Linus asked, raising an eyebrow, "I can set that up."

James didn't know how to respond. Is that what he really wanted to do when he returned? Least it was respectable, something he could do, would be okay at.

"I don't know how Juliet would feel about it?" Linus spoke, "maybe you should run it by her first?"

He didn't damn well need advice from Linus on what he did and didn't discuss with Juliet!

"She'll be fine with it," he returned.

* * *

"You what!" Juliet asked, disbelief crossing her face.

They were all sitting in the rec room, where he had found her with Mary, Miles, Jin, Rose, Bernard and Hugo, watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Except for him and her that was.

"You want to be a cop!"

She didn't have to look so put out about it.

"Hell it's a job," he returned.

Miles was laughing on the couch and James frowned at him.

"What else am I gonna do?"

"It's dangerous."

"What and being head of security wasn't?"

She stood hands on hips, looking slightly pissed off. "No, it's not the same, nothing much ever happened there but in the real world James, well that's different, hostiles in the guise of drug pushers, and murderers and god knows what else roaming the streets at free will."

"You don't think I'm capable?"

She blinked, looked at Miles. "Would you stop laughing!" she snapped.

Miles went still immediately. How could she shut him up so effectively? It would never work for him.

She returned her eyes to his. "Of course I know you're capable but ..." pausing she pushed her hair behind her ears, suddenly aware of every eye in that room watching them. James looking not happy and she took a deep breath. Why a cop? How had he come up with that? It had to be Ben Linus' doing, naturally.

"We are going to need a regular income," he pointed out.

She straightened up, gave a direct pouty look almost. "I'll earn three times more."

He snorted, "since when is this a damn competition?"

"Besides you won't be able to work for a while," he continued, "in case ya haven't noticed Blondie but you are knocked up," he drawled.

She could hit him, didn't even know why she was so annoyed about him wanting to be a cop, really, it shouldn't surprise her but surely he could have picked something better than that, something less dangerous, something that would keep him safe, with her and the children?

"And it's the modern age now James," she spoke, smiled sweetly at him, "lot's of fathers are choosing to be stay at home dads."

She knew he wouldn't like that, he was old fashioned in a lot of ways, the man should earn the wage, or so she assumed, truth is they had never lived, together in that real world to ever know?

He looked pissed off now, the line across the bridge of his nose prominent as it was when he was angry.

"Fine then Juliet," he growled, raking a hand through his hair, "have it your way."

He turned around, "I'm getting a damn beer," he muttered over his shoulder and stomped out of the rec room.

Juliet watched him go, biting down on her lip. That, that didn't go well at all and shouldn't he have discussed this with her first, in the privacy of their house?

"Someone's pissed," Miles remarked.

Juliet glared at him. He put his hands up in self defence. "Hey not my doing."

Great now she had created a scene for everyone to witness, bloody pregnancy hormones.

"Never mind Juliet, he'll come around," Rose spoke in sympathy, "Bernard," she continued looking at him, "get Juliet a cup of tea please."

"Sure," Bernard agreed, and left the rec room.

Juliet suddenly wished for something stronger. Alright for James, he could go have a beer, he wasn't six months pregnant. He could eat and drink what he liked! He didn't have to worry about Listeria, or getting gestational diabetes or some such shit, a list a mile long of all the things she should or shouldn't do, should or shouldn't eat and drink.

She plonked herself down on the couch next to Rose, Rose put a comforting arm around her and Juliet welcomed it. Harry Potter was momentarily paused. Hugo shuffled uncomfortably.

"Let me talk to him," he offered.

"Best to let him stew it over for a while first," she suggested, knowing him all to well.

* * *

James was sitting on the front porch, drinking his third beer when Miles rocked up. Luckily his dark mood had lightened somewhat.

"First day in the new barracks in the new 'other town' and you guys have had an argument already," he remarked.

"Yeah well I didn't think she'd have a hissy fit about me being a cop," he returned.

"Why would you want to be a cop?" Miles asked disappearing into the house and returning with a beer. "She has a point about it being dangerous."

He sat down next him, flipped the tab on the can and took a long swig.

"I don't know," James shrugged, "just thought it would be something I could do."

Miles went quiet a thoughtful look on his face.

"I could work for the police department," he spoke at length, "you know they use physics to solve cases and I can talk to dead bodies."

"Don't you need some sort of qualification for that?"

"I'm sure Hugo could come up with something, if you can get a new identity why not get me a certificate as a psychic detective."

James just snorted at that. Miles crossed one leg over the other.

"I kind of like that thought."

James frowned at him, took a swig of his beer.

"We could be partners," Miles continued with a grin, "just like old times."

"Yeah well don't get to carried away looks like Juliet is dead set against me being a cop ..."

"She'll get over it," Miles butted in, "you know her, she stews over things then starts to feel all bad and then she'll be all sorry and wanting to make it up to you."

James glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "You seem to have her figured out."

"Plenty of practice observing you too, never a dull moment," he smirked.

They sat there in silence for a moment, contemplating possible future lives back in the real world.

"Juliet alright?" James asked at length.

"Rose and Bernard are looking after her, she'll soon be smothered by too much kindness and will come looking for you," Miles replied.

Miles really did have them figured out too damn well. And as if on cue he spied her walking slowly along the path, Mary asleep in her arms. She shouldn't be carrying her at this stage of her pregnancy. He jumped up from the chair, putting his beer on the floor and trotted up to her.

"I'll take her," he offered.

He glanced quickly at her face, trying to gauge where she was at emotionally. Was she still cross with him?

She didn't look angry, if anything a bit sad. That then made him feel bad about getting in an argument with her earlier. Hell it was just a stupid job.

"Sorry if I upset ya."

She shook her head. "It's okay."

His hands brushed against her arms as he took the sleeping Mary from her.

"I'll put her to bed."

They walked slowly on to the front porch, Juliet opened the door for him, a tentative smile crossing her face. "Look if you really want to be a cop," she began.

James glanced at Miles knowing face. Yeah he really did have them figured out.

"I'm just going to catch the rest of Harry Potter?" he said out loud, getting to his feet.

"It's finished," Juliet supplied.

"It's a DVD, can watch it anytime."

"I think there playing darts now," Juliet said.

"Even better, see you guys later."

And with a wink he waltzed off.

James and Juliet exchanged a smile. "That was easy," she quipped, "he's not normally that easy to get rid of."

* * *

Juliet watched James gently put Mary in her bed, pulling the covers over her, lightly stroking her hair. She was leaning against the door.

"You know you make a good dad," she spoke.

He straightened up, smiled. "Last thing I thought I'd be any good at," he admitted.

Feeling tender towards him in that moment she took the few steps towards him, wove her arms around his waist, least he had one, had forgotten what that felt like lately.

"You're not still mad with me?"

She nestled her head into his neck, her fingers entwining themselves in his hair.

"If you really want to be a cop," she murmured.

"I don't know what I want," he sighed, pulling her closer.

But she pulled back to look at him, see his eyes, see what he was thinking. He had a tendency to hide his face in her mane of hair when avoiding her gaze, knowing she was good at seeing his thoughts all too clearly. He sighed, gave her a patient look.

"When Linus asked what occupation I wanted to be," he began, "that was what came to mind."

"But it just seems kind of odd when you were," nibbled on her bottom lip, "you know a law breaker."

"I know," he murmured, a bleak look crossing his face. "Guess I just wanted to do something that people respected, that way our kids could respect me."

She saw the brief vulnerability in his eyes, held him tighter.

"Of course they'll respect you and adore you," she whispered fiercely.

He pushed a hand through her hair to the nape of her neck, his breath warm against her cheek.

"I love you girl, I don't have to be any damn cop."

She pulled back, gazed up into his face.

"I think you should do what makes you happy, and it's sort of fitting in a way, seeing as you've been head of security at dharma all those years."

His eyes softened, he brushed a finger across her cheek.

"Funny but when I was a boy I often thought it would be cool to be a cop, always found those badges kind of fun, I'd have pretend ones and they used to make me feel important, like I was a somebody, used to watch all those cops and robber TV shows too."

Juliet smiled, having visions of him as a boy, glued to the television screen, watching police shows. It wasn't often he talked about his childhood. But she liked it when he did, it meant that maybe he was coming to terms with it? He caught hold of her wrist, let his thumb rub against the sensitive skin below the palm of her hand and she gazed into those beautiful warm eyes of his. If things had turned out differently for him she could well imagine that is what he would have been, a police officer. It would have suited him.

She touched his chest with her fingers. "You would have been a really great cop," she murmured.

Clasping her hand in his, he drew it to his mouth and brushed a kiss to her wrist.

"Thanks for believing in me."

* * *

Miles found Jin and Hugo in the rec room playing darts as Juliet said. Ben Linus was sitting in a chair reading. Rose and Bernard were playing a game of chess.

Everyone looked at him when he walked in.

"Hey dude everything alright with those two?"

"Those two always sort it out," he replied, "they are pathetically and disgustingly in love, enough to make you puke sometimes."

Rose smiled. "I can see that and who would have thought that our Sawyer would find love."

Bernard squeezed her hand. "Keep that thought Rose and try not to annihilate me at chess."

"Sorry Bernard but that doesn't apply to board games."

He groaned. "I don't know why I bother playing this game with you."

"You wanna join us dude?" Hugo offered.

"Sure just got to chat with Ben Linus first."

Miles approached him. Ben peered up at him.

"I need a favour," Miles said straight up.

Ben raised an eyebrow.

"I don't suppose you can get me a job as a psychic detective?"

A flicker of surprise crossed Ben's face, he lowered his book, removed his glasses.

"I could but it is going to cost you 3.2 million dollars."

Miles jaw dropped.

Ben Linus smirked. "Had you there."

Oh so the jerk had a sense of humour too, Miles mused dryly.

"Ha, ha," he returned.

"Why would you want to be a psychic detective?" Linus enquired.

Miles looked down at his feet.

"Maybe use my ability for good for a change."

"That would be a change," Linus remarked.

"So can you do it?"

"I'll see what I can do."

It was something. Miles grinned. Maybe he could pick up more chicks with that credibility behind him. And he needed all the help he could get but the thought of that real world made him feel oddly lonely. He'd been living in such a tight knit community for the last six years and who would he have when he went back? Maybe he'd just have to hang around Jim and Juliet, they were like family, the only family he had. Yep he was going to stick with them like glue. It'd be alright.

* * *

**A/N: Hope it reads okay? I would have liked longer to edit but a houseful of kids day in, day out and the many interruptions involved doesn't always make it so easy. Plus the writing flow wasn't happening as much as I would have liked, sort of been that way lately.**

**I would really appreciate feedback on what to do with James? Should he or should he not be a cop? I sort of thought it fitting but I am open to suggestions of other occupations.**

**Let me know what you think? It is up there for open tender! Would love some feedback on it.**

**Thanks for reading. Thanks for the patience with this story. Sorry about the long wait between chapters.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16. **

* * *

_**Juvenile Correction Facility – Jasper, Alabama, 1982 **_

* * *

_Don't look back. Never look back. That's what his Uncle Doug always said. Not that he had anything to look back to. But he never thought those words would haunt him. He was trapped by a past he couldn't escape, that ate away at his very own soul, twisting it, changing it, always the loathing and the need to take it out on what surrounded him, leading him to this place._

_James glanced up at the ringed barbed wire that lined the top of the fence, it looked imposing, every bit a prison. He briefly recalled the way Uncle Doug had looked at him when he was led away from the Juvenile Courtroom, fearful at what he'd now become what his future might hold._

_Trouble followed him. He seemed to attract it along with the disapproving looks and reprimands. He couldn't explain why he liked to provoke other boys to fight, why he randomly stole cigarettes and liquor from the bottle shops, getting caught one too many times._

_He'd stopped apologising for what he was, who he was._

_It didn't matter anymore. He was adept at shutting out the world, he'd become a closed book, a stranger, not even ever knowing himself._

_But he wasn't alone, other boys stood alongside him, shivering against the harsh autumn winds in that treeless yard. Losers just like him, troubled boys with no self identity._

'_My name is Officer Thomas,' the big burly 6'2 beefy man roared, as he walked single file in front of them, 'forget any schooling here, your high school education is officially over, your asses belong to me.'_

_James stood, his skinny lanky frame, all bony knees and pointy elbows with his sudden growth spurt, but it would take more than a strong wind and some tough looking correction officer to intimidate him. The officer stopped in front of him, only inches from his face, they were eyeball to eyeball with each other. He had a mean face, a quarter inch fuzz that covered his head._

'_You're a scourge on society, that's why ya sad scrawny ass is in here, you're a menace to the community," officer Thomas growled. _

_James didn't look away, wouldn't give the prick the satisfaction._

"_From here on out you learn to keep your mouth shut and do as your told, you eat when we tell you to eat, shit when we tell you to shit, sleep when we tell you to sleep, you got that Jimmy boy!'_

_James glared up at the officer. 'That's Jim to you, I don't answer to Jimmy.'_

_The man's face hardened, a small malicious grin tugging at the corners of his mouth._

'_A wise ass huh, we'll soon knock that out of you son, I bet your mother rued the day she ever brought your sorry ass into this world.'_

_Maybe she did. He'd never know._

James wasn't a nostalgic person, could go years without thinking about his boyhood but sometimes ... memories had a way of coming back to haunt him. How did he erase them? A life he never was going to have lived now thanks to his so called new identity as aka James LaFleur but his old life was still very much alive in mind. He gazed down at the forbidden red file, his so called past life. He had found it in Linus' basement. The famous file, the one Locke told him about, the one Juliet referred to and now here it was in his hands, his whole sad sorry history.

Had Juliet seen and read all of this? Probably she had always known far too much about him, it used to piss him off, still did, sometimes, not that she had referred to the red file in a long while.

Picking up the copy of the newspaper article titled, _Husband shoots wife dead and himself in front of 8 year old son_ James' hand began to shake ever so slightly, just a tremor. The article was written so formally, facts, details all in place but not the lived experience, his experience. That wasn't something for casual reading over a cup of coffee. Not even something wanting remembering.

_Hushed voices drifted from the living room, 'how can he get past it? How does a boy recover from something like that?' _

'_Shss mother, he's just in the other room.'_

'_I can't', she sobbed._

_He was hiding behind the sofa, always hiding as if he could make himself unseen, erase his existence somehow then he wouldn't have to feel the pain and anger. It was wrong to be this angry, he would go to hell and never see his mom again. His bottom lip trembled, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to believe in that god anymore. _

'_Mary is dead, how can that bastard do that to her? The coward shooting himself, I'd rather see him alive and in prison than dead, he deserves the electric chair for what he did!'_

'_Careful he'll hear you,' Uncle Doug whispered._

He had heard everything. Fuck. James shoved the article out of sight, ran a shaking hand through his hair. His father _what had he done _beyond his eight year old comprehension, easier to blame someone else. Why was he was doing this, this really was a bad idea. And they had fucking everything in this file, even photos, mug shots of him at the various Dentition centres he had ended up in, plus the one from prison but he wasn't expecting the photo of his mother. It slipped out of that file unheeded and like a moth drawn to a flame he picked it up, his mother and him, him a whole seven years of age. God but he looked just like any other innocent seven year old, it hadn't lasted long. Pushing his glasses up his nose he peered closely at the photo. Is that what his mother had looked like? Young and pretty, beautiful, her face had become a blur in his memory over time. As he gazed at that face he could suddenly recall it so well, like it was yesterday, the way she laughed, the sound of her voice as she read him bedtime stories and the way she would brush his hair back from his forehead, kiss him goodnight, tell him how much she loved him. How could he have forgotten that? A lump formed in his throat. What a waste. His mother lying dead in that pool of blood, he tried wiping that image from his mind. Every time it came back so did those gut wrenching feelings of horror and loss; him, screaming when the paramedics came, trying to prior him off her lifeless body. He never had wanted to let her go. James felt his stomach roll, the bile rise in the back of his throat. Tearing his gaze away from that photo, he couldn't bear to look at it, tears threatened. Wished he'd never seen it now.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"James what are you doing?"

James jumped startled, the red file falling off his lap on to the ground spilling the majority of its content over the floor for the whole world to see, the photo still clutched in his hand. Hell he thought she was asleep!

"You gave me a fright," he snapped, emotions raw, shoving the photo in his shirt pocket and quickly bending down to pick up the spilt contents of the file before she saw it, but who was he kidding.

She knelt down beside him, could feel her eyes watching him but he couldn't bring himself to meet them.

"What are you doing with that file?" she asked.

Now his fucking glasses were fogging up but he continued to blindly pick up the loose pieces of paper, his life, his sad sorry life all kept in a file, meaningless, worthless. He reached for the photo of that angry 14 year old, his very first Juvenile centre but not his last, Juliet's hand rested on his.

"James," she said again, softly.

He froze, shut his eyes.

"Just let me be Juliet," he got out in a hoarse voice.

Juliet wasn't about to, not like this, seeing the pain etched in the lines of his face, eyes haunted. She picked up the rest of the contents of that file and put them back into place, her heart thudding painfully in her chest at seeing him this upset. Obviously what he doesn't want her to see. And what was he doing with the file? It was only going to cause him pain, was causing him pain, why go there?

She took the photo out of his hand and looked at the boy with the defiant eyes, fair hair tousled and messy as if it hadn't been brushed in a while, him looking so angry at the whole world. She remembered seeing it the first time, straight after reading Jack's file, what a contrast but they were documents, past records, nothing more than pieces of paper, neither one of them really giving the truth and James proving to be so much more than Jack after all.

When she returned her attention back to James, he had removed his glasses, was rubbing his forehead.

"Why are you still here Juliet?" he asked, his voice raspy, unbelievably sad.

She took hold of his hands, noticing the photo in his shirt pocket, she had seen him quickly put it there, knew what the photo contained.

"You saw the photo of your mother?"

He didn't answer straight away, eventually nodded "I'd forgotten her face" his voice barely more than an audible hoarse whisper.

Letting go off her hand he reached into that pocket and retrieved the photo, handing it to her.

"How could I forget it?"

"It was a long time ago," she replied, taking the photo from him and putting it on the file, she gazed down at the mother and the child, James, just a boy, too young to witness what he had, scars she knew he would always have, there were just some things that you couldn't get past.

She leaned forward, bringing both her hands up to his face, removing his hand from his eyes, knowing he doesn't want her to see those tears. She wiped them gently away with her thumb.

"It's okay," she soothed, her lips brushed his forehead.

His hands rested on her waist, finally his gaze meets hers. She is rocked by the depth of emotion in them.

"James," she murmured, entwining her fingers in his hair, "you don't have to be ashamed."

"I'm supposed to be over this," he got out in a chocked voice, "why do I still have this damn fucking pain in my heart?"

"Because there are just some things you can't totally get over, that stay with you, always."

"Yeah, well I'd like to forget this," he replied, his voice catching in his throat, "if you saw what I saw ..."

He brought a hand up to his forehead, covering his eyes again, his whole body stiffening. She could only imagine the horror of what he had seen. She removed his hand from his face, lightly kissed his cheek, tasting the saltiness of his tears.

"Don't ..." voice ragged "Juliet."

"Shss," she murmured in his hair, drawing him into her arms, "it's okay James."

She wanted to hold him, till his pain subsided, till the shudders left his body. She could feel his heart thudding in his chest. And after a while, his arms slowly encircled her, his breathing evened out. He pulled her on to his lap and they sat like that on the lounge room floor, his face buried in her long mane of hair. She didn't speak just let him hold her, knowing he didn't like to talk about his past, she couldn't really blame him. He was the toughest man she had ever known, outwardly he could take anything, nothing would break him, that sort of fortitude no doubt something he'd acquired from his past but beneath the tough facade she'd seen his vulnerability, that lost boy, the boy in the photo, frozen in time. But it was long ago and the man she'd come to know and love was probably the man he was always meant to be, just took him longer than most to get there, scars to heal and nightmares to get past.

He cleared his throat, finally raised his face to hers. He looked composed now but there were still shadows in his eyes. Shadows she wanted to wipe away.

_The love of a good woman_ her grandmother used to say _can_ _mend a broken heart_.

Oh how she used to scoff at that during her teenage years but maybe her grandmother had been right.

"Are there things ya can't forget?" he asked, his eyes searching her face.

"Yes," she replied honestly.

"Like what?"

"Where do I start?" she sighed, god how did she explain it now, that time, so long ago, and she so young but James of all people would understand it, even relate to it and it's not as if it were a bad thing just sad and hadn't they already had enough of that?

"Spill the beans girl," James said lightly, "can't be any worse than my past."

"Maybe not but worse things in different ways," she replied softly with a sigh, seeing the curiosity in his eyes, maybe they should discuss something that would take his mind of himself.

"When I was in my second year of my medicine degree we had to do two weeks observation with the paramedics, I guess I got lucky in that I didn't have to see anything horrible, no suicides, people jumping off buildings, brains splattered everywhere, that happened to my friend and she had to get counselling afterwards."

His hand found hers, their finger entwining and she loved this, how she could share everything with him, how he never tried to correct or change her.

"But one morning, around nine there was a call to a house, a child had died, I remember it vividly still, the mother crying hysterically in the kitchen, a neighbour comforting her, I remember her saying _I thought she was just sleeping in_. But when she had checked the little girl, only five years old, she was dead in her bed."

"Shit," James muttered.

"She suffered from epilepsy, must have fitted during her sleep and asphyxiated."

Juliet's eyes rested on James' hand, the long lean fingers. She shook the hair out of her eyes.

"How that mother blamed herself, kept muttering that she should of checked her daughter during the night, over and over, but it wasn't anyone's fault and they were so poor ... not that much support when you have no money."

Juliet took a deep breath. "I remember walking down the corridor to the girl's bedroom. She looked like she was sleeping only her lips were blue. Then the father came home, more emotion, then the Aunt and Uncle rocked up, the Aunt got hysterical, the uncle drove off in the car, tyres screeching."

James' other hand found its way to her hair. It was long ago now. Just a memory really, she had seen plenty of horrible things since, but that first time, always stuck with her.

"So what happened next?" James asked.

"The paramedics put the girl on a trolley and took her to the ambulance, they put her inside and the Aunt came up to the girl, was crying, said her last words _I love you Becky, I love you so much._ God it was sad," Juliet let out a deep breath, "I touched the girls face, couldn't help myself, she was so young, such a pretty little thing and well, life isn't always fair James."

He was twining a loose curl around his finger, his breath warm against her neck.

"The paramedics took her to the children's hospital rather than the morgue; they do that with children, give time for the parents to grieve. They sat in the back of the ambulance talking to her, telling her how much they loved her, saying their goodbyes. We were all crying, even those big burly paramedics that did this day in, day out."

James put an arm around her shoulder, planted a reassuring kiss to the top of her head.

"Ya didn't get counselling?"

"No," she scoffed, "not in those days but I guess I never really forgot it and it's funny because sometimes when I think Mary is sleeping in late I have to check her, just to make sure she's still breathing."

The warmth and concern in his eyes, touching her, god she really did love this man but loving and living was such a risk but to go through life without it? Some risks she was willing to take even if it meant bringing children into this world and chance losing them.

"You never want to lose a child," she shuddered, "I never want to experience what those poor parents did, that grief, not even something that can really be captured in a film." Not like what she witnessed that day.

His hand rested on her baby bump.

"I'd rather chance life with you," he murmured.

Juliet could feel the baby inside wriggle. It often did at the sound of his voice. A slow smile crossed James face.

"That feel weird?" he asked.

"It feels nice, reassuring."

He nuzzled her neck, "I'm glad I've got you," he murmured in her hair, "I'd be totally lost without you."

Juliet felt all warm and fuzzy inside, glad to have him back, the pain of his past receding.

"If I ever get crazy like my old man ..."

"You won't," she returned with force, "I know you, you'd never hurt me."

He brushed a strand of hair back from her face, his gaze falling on the red folder.

"What do you want to do with it?" she asked him.

Silence fell for a moment, shadows flitted across his face. "Just throw it in the bin."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure, why keep it, sorry I even looked at it now."

James reached for the file and Juliet went to get off his lap.

"Hey where you going?" James put an arm around her to stop her leaving.

"Your legs must be numb by now?" she returned.

"I'll be judge of that, come back here Blondie."

"Let's sit on the couch," she suggested, standing up.

James grumbled as he struggled to his feet. She raised an eyebrow.

"You're going to have to get into shape if you want to be a police officer," she quipped.

"I'm starting to think twice about that now," he returned. "Too ironic, an ex con man chasing crooks down like myself."

Juliet tilted her head and studied his face for a moment. Yes he was back to his normal self now, sort off, at least making an attempt to be.

"Hmm I think it's kind of fitting."

"You hated the idea yesterday," he snorted, and handed the file out to her. "You can take this, throw it in the bin, not as if I'm gonna be that person anymore, James Ford is dead."

She glanced down at the file, can't explain the sudden sadness.

"I haven't been that person in over six years anyway," he continued, "shouldn't be hard to continue living the lie?"

She gingerly took the file from him, picking up the photo of him with his mother, slipping it inside the folder.

"And at least you don't have to try and explain where you have been for the last ten years," Juliet added, just how the hell did she explain it? For Rachel it would have to be the truth, but to the rest of the world?

Oh shit, she hadn't thought of that at all.

She griped his hand suddenly, he looked alarmed. "What?"

"Maybe I should take on a different identity too."

He visibly relaxed. "Shit here I'm thinking you're having a contraction or something."

He raised his hands to the sides of her face as if to frame it, his gaze intense.

"No way, you have all those years study behind you, you have a profession Juliet, no sense in losing that, we'll think of something to concoct for everyone else."

No doubt he would, she smiled, tucking his hair behind his ear. "It better be good."

He grinned back. "Ain't a conman for nothing sweetheart," he returned, his eyes falling to the file in her hands, his face growing serious again. "Maybe we should burn it, don't want it turning up anywhere else."

She bit down on her lip and nodded.

They burnt the file out in the backyard. Juliet watched the shadows flicker on his unreadable expression, the photo of him and his mother safely secured in her pocket. She couldn't bear to see it burn. He should keep this. No one is to know who the mother and boy are in that photo. He should keep at least a little part of his past. Plus it was the only childhood photo she would ever have of him.

Once inside she put the photo with the others that were kept in large square typical 70's style pencil case, checked on Mary who was sleeping soundly. She walked barefoot down the corridor.

"We should go to bed James, we've got to catch that sub tomorrow," she called out and walked into the lounge room.

James was asleep on the sofa. She leant against the doorway and studied his face, always so peaceful when he slept about the only time.

* * *

The next morning it was as if last night had never happened until his eyes locked with hers and he would see the warmth in them, a shared understanding that deepened their relationship. Some days it really did feel good to be alive, past shoved aside, now a pile of ashes by the back picket fence. It still lived on in his memory but he wasn't that lost boy anymore, he'd moved on, grown up, become a father, had a loving wife and god forbid but him normal.

Mary squealed with delight as he picked her up till she could touch the ceiling.

"Again dada!"

* * *

Hugo held a farewell breakfast in the hall. Their last morning on the island, James could scarcely believe it. He no longer felt the trepidation that he had these last couple of days even with the uncertainty of his future, what he might do when he got back to the mainland. He still wasn't sure about it but he'd have some time to make up his mind.

Hugo was going to put them up in a swanky hotel to let them get used to be back in the real world, they could stay there as long as they liked. Ben Linus would go with them and help them adjust and sort out James' new identity. James wasn't sure how he felt about that but if Hugo trusted Linus then he guess he would to, though somewhat reluctantly. And there was a past to be fabricated, his past and stories to concoct as to why Juliet had been missing for so long.

She was wearing one of his shirts, the pale blue one that reached her thighs and black Capri pants that went to her knees. She looked adorable, he loved her pregnant though he refrained from telling her so because every time he did she'd screw up her nose and say she looked like a beached whale. But watching her belly grow with their child, the rosy colour in her cheeks, the rounding of her curves made her more beautiful than ever, to him.

"And what's wrong with having womanly curves?"

She'd wrinkle her nose and he couldn't resist the urge to tweak it.

"Make the most of it James because I'm hitting that gym once this baby is out."

No doubt, when Juliet put her mind to something she followed through, no half measures for her.

His eyes took in the people around him, Rose with her smiling face, Bernard always trying to please, Miles making his usual sarcastic remarks and throwing in the odd joke, making people laugh. Jin looking happier than James had seen him look in a long while and Hugo's jovial face, flight 815 crashing, another lifetime now.

They really were going to be going home today. The sub was scheduled to leave in an hour and approximately four hours later they would be pulling in at Ann Harbour, former docking station of the Dharma Initiative, kind of ironic, James mused.

* * *

Jin stared at the photos of his daughter. She was beautiful like his mother, tears gathered in his eyes but he didn't want Hugo to see them. He swallowed the lump in his throat. His daughter was seven years old and he had missed all those years. Now he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Hugo patted him on the back. "Sun is doing a great job bringing her up."

He nodded, tried to find his voice.

"Where did you get these photos?" he asked.

"I visit her, Kate, all the old Oceanic dudes that survived, keep check on them."

Jin couldn't believe he was here and about to take the sub home, back to the real world, like the last seven years had been a dream. He often pinched himself to make sure it was real but he couldn't let himself breathe easy till Sun and his daughter were standing right in front of his eyes.

"You want me to contact her and tell her your here?"

"No, I want to surprise her."

He couldn't handle talking via a phone, wouldn't feel it was right. No he needed the peace of mind. He needed to see her first with his own eyes, touch her and hold her, then he'd believe it.

"I guess your hanging out to leave on that sub?" Hugo said.

He was and glad to be going with James, Juliet and Miles. He wouldn't leave without them. They had become replacement family to him, they were all close and they stuck together. They needed to stick together too when they returned to the real world. But soon as that sub docked he was going straight to Sun after maybe spending one night with James, Juliet and Miles before flying out to Korea the next day.

Hugo handed him a piece of paper with an address on it. "That is where she lives."

Jin took the piece of paper.

"Thank you Hugo for looking out for them.'

"My pleasure dude and you can keep the photos."

* * *

Juliet found Miles sitting on the step of his former mother and father's house, looking reflective and a little sad. She went and sat down next to him.

"Hey," she said knocking her knee against his.

"Hey Juliet," Miles returned, "Jim let you out of his sight for a change."

James did have a tendency to be possessive, especially when she was pregnant, he was funny like that but she found it more endearing than annoying and understood it.

"I guess, and what are you going to do when we get back Miles?" she lightly enquired.

He shrugged, glanced at her a mischievous glint in his eyes, "hang out with you guys I guess."

She didn't really want to see Miles go and felt relieved, he should stay in touch with them, in lots of ways he was just as much alone as James had been.

"Good, we are going to need a baby sitter," she quipped.

Miles groaned. She grinned.

"You know you love it, admit it."

He shook his head. "Yeah well alright and you two are going to need someone like me to sort you out."

"You mean sort out James," she added.

"Yeah him, kind of got used to be ordered about by that grumpy old bastard."

"Subs leaving in ten minutes," Hugo called out from the rec room.

Miles stood and helped Juliet to her feet, she noticed his gaze rest on the house, the longing in his eyes.

"I'm going to miss that place," he spoke quietly, "miss waving to my mom in the morning."

He gave her a whimsical smile.

"I'm going to remember her just like I left her, not the bitter woman of the future."

She slipped her hand into his and tugged on it gently.

"Let's go."

* * *

They walked down the dock with just the one small suitcase in James' hand, all their worldly possessions, all they had. She was really going, going, going from this place forever, a nervous anticipation taking hold. Rachel had to be alive and what would she tell her? The truth, as crazy as that sounded but at least she would have James to back up her story and somehow she just knew Rachel would believe her. She had pictured the reunion a thousand times in her mind already, playing it over and over in all sorts of different scenarios and if she had to be completely honest with herself she was petrified. But seeing Rachel again was just one thing, what about her? And once they had come up with a plausible explanation as to why she had been missing for so long did she go back to doing what she had before? Well not straight away of course because she would be having a baby in a few months and where would they live and what was James going to do with himself? Get a job but as what? He still seemed really indecisive about it all and she would have to rely on him bringing in the wage for a time which was such a weird thought when they had lived six years without dealing with money at all in Dhamaville. But she knew what she would be doing when she first got back, she was going to shop till she dropped and she was going to buy real maternity clothes, stylish ones and drink cappuccinos and eat MacDonald's and watch live television.

Hugo nearly crushed them all with his bear hugs.

"Hey would like to return with my ribs intact," James quipped.

"Sorry dude," Hugo returned sheepishly.

"Take care Hugo, thanks for everything," James continued, shaking his hand, taking in his face one last time.

Hugo grinned. "I'll be visiting you all soon, make sure you're okay and don't worry about money, got plenty of it till you get yourselves set up."

Miles face lit up at the mention of that. James glanced at Juliet, already knowing exactly what she was thinking off, shopping no doubt. Well he couldn't blame her. It'd been ten years since she would have last indulged herself. He didn't much care for shopping himself, would just like to have a real beer without a Dharma logo on it.

Rose bid them all a teary farewell, telling them to come back and visit one day. James glanced at Juliet's face, yeah maybe when hell froze over he mused.

He was the last one to go down the manhole. He couldn't help himself but to stop and take one last look at the island. This place, sort of saved him really, gave him purpose, he found love and in so doing he found himself. But time to move on now, time to let it go and face the future with Juliet and Mary as James Lafleur and the person he'd become. He was ready to go, face whatever future lay before them and risk living.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so this chapter is a tad sad and has lots of reflection but I think James had to resolve these past issues of his before moving on.

I've decided to complete this story at this point. For one the title no longer applies and two, due to my busy work schedule I won't be able to write for several weeks but I can do a sequel (maybe 4/5 chapters) to this story if people are still interested and would like me to, let me know. Bear in mind it will probably be at least four weeks before this happens. And I also need a break from fanfic, I've been writing here now for two and a half years!

Thanks to all who have stuck with me and followed my stories. You don't know how much it has been appreciated or how much those reviews meant to me.

Special thanks to Eyeon who has been my most loyal follower from day one and my friend Eva, both who have totally supported me with my writing endeavours on fanfic. You guys are great!

I'm still in two minds about what James should do as an occupation? I'd appreciate feedback on this and let me know which option you would prefer:

1. James and Miles join the Police Academy

2. James could become a paralegal, safer than being a cop.

3. Suggest any other occupation that may suit him?

I also need to come up with a suitable title for the sequel, something I'm not that good at, and would appreciate any suggestions for this.

Kind Regards

Carol


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